Why I Am Quitting...

My name is reallycoldicecream and I am a 23-year-old male. I decided to pursue NoFap because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired in a lot of areas in my life. I have traced many issues in my life back to my addiction to porn and excessive masturbation.

I am pretty depressed. On the outside, I hide it well from friends, family, and co-workers. On the inside, I've been trying to quit this habit for over 2 years and it is kicking my ass.

Background:

I used to look at porn in high school but didn't have much time to because of sports and social activities. I would masturbate to porn on average around 3-5x per week (consider I was going through puberty, my sex drive was a little higher). But I always had a strong desire for real women and real sex. I wanted females to like me, was extremely social with men and women, and was very motivated. The porn I was watching was a little gross. I was not a fan of the tattoos and fake boobs. I really was into amateur porn, which there wasn't that much available back then.

College is when my porn habit became an issue. When I stopped playing sports in college was when I started to have a lot of free time on my hands. By the time I was a sophomore I was living in an apartment with a few buddies and had my own room (with a lock). I had a lot of sex with random girls but whenever I would strike out I would get disappointed and jerk off. I was also prescribed adderall which used to give me terrible crashes and anxiety. Watching hours of porn and jerking my dick raw was what cured my anxiety. It was the only thing that could delay the crash and give me more dopamine in my brain.

The site girlsdoporn really started to give me excitement as well as fucked my head up very badly. There were these extremely hot amateur girls (my age) that were getting fucked by a big dick on camera and absolutely loving it. It was an absolute plethora of pleasure for me. The problem that started to happen was my insecurities. I started to believe that girls like the ones I was watching, only wanted to be fucked by guys that have a big dick like his. I have an average sized penis (6.5x5.5) and never really thought about my performance in real life. But when I became obsessed with this idea, it started to destroy me internally. I am a man that is very motivated by women and sex, and it rearranged my values thinking that hot women only want a big dick and I would never be able to provide that or be the best. This created a cycle where I started to watch and admire the girlsdoporn guy's big dick and how well he fucked some of these girls. It became the only way I could find pleasure was to fantasize about being that guy.

Fast forward to today:

Now I have been trying on and off over the past 2 years to quit watching porn and masturbating. I have had some trials and failures but have never really been successful. The longest time I went without ejaculating was 13 days, but I was still watching porn and not allowing my self to bust while doing it.

Today I am truly ready to make the leap to change my life. I want to regain my emotions, motivation, sexual stimulation from my girlfriend, and just be the best person I can be. Any advice from someone who has successfully rebooted is appreciated.

Thanks,
reallycoldicecream

 

Thank you!

 

Currently I don't have any. I would really appreciate any advice. I've tried to block it on all my devices.