why this? my current state!

today is the 6th day and I've just remembered a pornographic clip but the only thing that made me pay attention to this clip is, when i was watching this clip , i would close it but then i said it's nothing from what's in your mind.
why did i do that ?
because the girl who was in the video was so ugly (hairless) and she was worn a school cloth and her behavior were childish to some extent which push me to think that she was being abused because she have a mental problem.

and today i remembered this video for nothing and i don't even know why did i remember it but by the way i still having this thoughts about she has mental problem and was abused especially because the video wasn't from a known studio it may be recorded by her and the boy who were in the video .
but in the same time it's hard or even impossible to believe that someone in her age is still go to school .

,so i told myself she is wearing this cloth and act in these behavior only for recording the video not because she is abused and she's doing this only because as i know there is some people who like these stuff not because she has a mental problem,but she was acting, but i still think about it and my mind is telling that i watched something was abusing a weak people,

actually this time i don't have a certain question
it's open discussion what do you think about my state?

actually my mind was trying to convince me that i'm a gay (although i don't watch a gay or anything related to male get fucked by other )until i relapsed the last time and watched the normal things that i watch and all of that was because some news i watch on social media accidentally about gays which remembered me with small gay picture in one of pornographic site and from this point my mind start to tell me that i'm a gay and to prove the opposite i relapsed the last time but this time i don't intend to relapse again to prove anything.

,so what do you think the cause of it ?