[21-CHALLENGE] THE TWENTY ONE DAYS CHALLENGE !

Well, I made it to 9 days, just. On the bright side, that was twice as long as last time, and longest for a long time.
Couldn't sleep, because of a restless mind and a headache, so started browsing phone in the middle of the night. Had turned it off because of slipping!
Lessons to be learned. Set clear boundaries, with social media etc, and stick to them! Once you start pushing them and walking down that road it just gets worse and worse until you crack.
Was so positive about what I was going to achieve tomorrow. Not going to let this stop me!
Now for the rest of May. Really going to attack life!

Edit - I realise that I did not make it clear that I relapsed. Although the reset counter probably gives it away!

 

Day 8 of 21!!!!!!!!

 

Day 2

 

Day 16

 

keep goin, step by step

 

Keep going strong man, and remember, one day's relapse doesn't invalidate those 9 days of progress that you made as long as you learn from it and apply those lessons from now on! I'm sure you will beat those 9 days - remember, it goes beyond May, this is a life change!

 

Day 14/21. Generally a good day for online temptation, though I could feel myself slipping later in the afternoon when I clicked onn a couple of slightly triggering videos in the sidebar on Facebook - I closed them very soon after opening them, closed FB and got on with something else. It was a very good day on the ogling front. Meditating each morning is helping me be a bit more aware of my triggers and of my thought patterns, and how not to get swept away by those thought patterns and refocus my thoughts on something else. Came across a nice (slightly cliché but very true) quote attributed to the Buddha while reading Anthony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within today (again, I find his style a bit cheesy and US-centric, but I'm surprised by just how much I'm getting out of the book all the same):

"We are what we think.
All that we are arises
With our thoughts.
With our thoughts,
We make the world."

 

checking in Day 3/21

 

Day 8/21.

 

Make a routine boy, warriors are made with self discipline.

 

Thanks man. Yes, I am not down about it at all really, because I am feeling really good about life right now. Made a brave decision yesterday, in a way, on the direction I wanted to go. Now just trying to build new habits and discipline. Will take time, but small consistent progress will get me there, plus going to enjoy the journey that is life!

You are quite right, it is not just about May! That is just the start! I really appreciate the supportive words

 

IT HAPPENED! Damn damn damn. But the last couple days it was tough to shake that feeling, and finally it caught up to me. I gotta figure out how to improve my mental toughness. So yeah I relapsed. Day 0 starts tomorrow

 

Day 3

 

Day 17

 

Back to day 0. I get to around day 5 and the urges kick in like a monster.

 

Day 15/21. Did well on the online front, and mostly well on the ogling front, though sometimes found myself tempted not to follow my own exit strategies for triggers. As soon as I became aware that I was doing that I snapped out of it though.
I'm finding at this point that not looking at P isn't really that hard, it's not part of my lifestyle anymore, but not *wanting* to look at it? That's hard. It's difficult to shake the desire that the addicted part of me has to hold on to a hope that I will be able to watch certain scenes again occasionally when my brain has healed and when I am no longer dependent on P, which is totally absurd. I need to find a way to break that hope and break that belief.

 

Maybe set out a plan for days 5 and 6 to get you through that wall?

 

We win because we are determined. Disciplined. Not because we feel ourselves superior.

 

Day 4/21

 

Stated today the challenge