Fighting for Freedom and Glory Today at about mid day I felt so overwhelmed and frustrated that I packed up my work and headed to the bar to drink and eat my feelings away. I stopped in a shop first and saw someone I used to work with at the gym. I hadn’t seen her in a few months and was surprised to see her behind the counter. She had just finished schooling and decided to take a year off to sort out her life. There was a lot of energy between us as we got caught up and shared a few things. It felt so good to just talk to someone. We were stuck like magnets for several minutes. When it was time to pay the computer system literally froze which was kind of like how my laptop was behaving all day. She said to just take the item and she would cover it but I refused and we fought until I won and left a ten dollar bill on the counter. I told her to come and find me with the change another day. She said she would. I walked out of there with my head spinning. I ate my lunch and decided I would not go to the bar. Instead I would go back to the cafe where I was doing my work and try again. But first I went into another shop and bought some new protein powder to draw attention away from beer and to remind myself that working out is much healthier way to deal with life than drinking beer. The anger and anxiety and frustration roared when I sat down to work. And for the next two hours I was overwhelmed. But I sat there anyways. And just observed it all. I went home for dinner and did some chores. And finally I did some training in my home gym. I was thinking about fapping, drinking, getting high, anything to escape but I pulled myself into my gym and hit the weights. I didn’t get to escape in the way that my other habits allow me to. But I did have a lot of relief. And now I’m stronger because I didn’t run away. I faced the fire. I’m not saying this brag or for recognition. I’m saying this for myself and for others to be reminded that when it gets hard, really hard, there is an opportunity to fight instead of escape. There is an opportunity to grow instead of to shrink. Because I’m sure in the near future this is going to happen again. And I’m going to have doubts and fears. And I might not fight back as hard as I did today if I don’t remind myself. If I don’t read the posts of my fellow Spartans who have faced the fire and fought and won, keeping their freedom for another day. In such a small amount of time I have felt such great changes inside. Thank you Spartans for your support. For showing me the way forward. For reminding me to stay humble. For showing me I am not alone in this war.
Shit I relapsed, I couldnt control the urges they were all over me. Dammit. I'm gonna have to start over. I tried my best.
Day 31 struggled to sleep last night but felt the benefits all day, feeling much better than when I first started, so let's keep the ball rolling
Day 19 I woke up feeling rested and calm. The crazy anger and frustration I had yesterday is gone for now. If it returns I will be sure not to run from it. Weight training is really good for me. I need it. What I don’t need is to live under the tyranny of pmo. Or Instagram. Or news sites that aim to trigger anger and outrage. Or many other ways that modern society offers instant gratification. The path to freedom and glory is hard. I need my fellow Spartans. Thank you all for being here
Its alright. I understand that stress and the circumstances can make a huge impact on our minds. But do you know what is stronger then all of them. ITS THE SPARTAN RESOLVE!!! That unbreakable resolve that make you go through all of those mine fields, all the enemy strongholds, all the time you wanted to give up but its yiur reaolve that made you get up and go HOO- AH. Make no mistake we are here tp conquer the enemy, which is the worst version of ourselves. Take it this way, everything you did before was HIT AND TRIAL, now its time to EXECUTE. GOOD LUCK SPARTAN. BE FREE.