The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in. All good here, but a bit moody and irritable. That's ok, I can still work on my goals.

 

Day 26 - Feeling a bit overwhelmed with work and visiting family. I'm looking to go for a walk and listen to an audiobook in like 30 minutes. That usually helps me feel better. Then back at it!

 

I am restarting this challenge from Orc back to Nazgul after slipping

0 days

 

Another relapse. The chaser is getting me. I will check in again when I get 3+ days. I learned I need to not think about all of this the first couple days. See you very soon

Day 0

 

Day 0

Went looking for lewd videos on youtube and inevitably found them. Did not MO but want to take this challenge seriously and reset my day count.

Messed up by plugging in my tv to watch the F1 documentary on Netflix. I usually hide the cord so I'm not tempted to watch Youtube. Felt a crazy rush of urges as soon as the episode ended like fucking clockwork. Have a long way to go to rewire my brain but I do not want to lose the ground I've gained by MO'ing. Threw out the cord to my TV to prevent this in the future.

 

Day 310

 

Day 1 complete.

My post-urge flatline, until the chaser effect takes over, is usually about three days. So for now, it feels like I'm coasting along SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION. That's an illusion, and it won't last, but for this short period it feels like there isn't much growth I can do because PMO isn't presenting a challenge. The trick is to stay on top of things once I get a few days into a streak.

St. Longinus, pray for us.

 

10 days ~> double digits
Not home alone for the next two weeks, maybe even longer. Need to strengthen my willpower so that it holds when the ability to PMO finally comes again.

Thanks for sharing @Ready to Stop it helps

@Mathman1994 I always find mathematicians very impressive. I also tried to study it but I dropped out in the first semester. I ended up in the STEM area and I still have a lot of respect for you guys. To me, math is the highest discipline in that field

This time I'll make it to the 90

 

Day 8 finished.

I also had urges on this day, I didn’t look at any arousing content, but I did look at a few linkedin profiles I found atractive, this is also something to be aware of, because I wasn’t very conscious when I did it. I was also scaning my youtube recomendations for sexy content, but didn’t find any. Had a headache and not all the sleep I needed. I still didn’t sleep enough today.

Considering all the signs I need to be very careful, even tho I feel good today.

 

36-Elf

Was unable to post yesterday bc of reached limit and exhaustion. Yesterday was good day but Ive overtrain a little. Today I will try to take things lightly and find time for more rest. Christmas are coming!
Stats from yesterday:
—Side Quests—
Workout - Check
ColdShower - Check
HealthyDiet - Check
Learning - Check
SideProject - Fail
Gratitude - Check
Meditation - Check
NoAlcohol - Check
NoYoutube - Check
PhoneLimit - Check
—Perfect_Streak:

 

Day 303 no PMO. Yesterday was very up and down for me. There was a lot of good but also a good bit of bad. Nothing to do with PMO but just more anger and frustration. Good news is that even in a tough day the thought to go to PMO for relief never even crossed my mind. Spent the last part of the evening coloring with my daughters (instead of watching TV) and fell asleep with my whole family by my side.

 

Day 4

 

Day 139.

Cold showers are getting easier and more controlled. Also like 4 days ago I started to meditate with Wim Hof's breathing technique, but I'm not sure to see any benefits yet.. (Other than feeling weird/nice at some moments during the meditation)

 

I fall down.
I didn't break my record, but 15 days is still amazing.

My job is getting more and more triggering to me and I've PMO in the bathroom at work.
That is just sad.

But I'm quiting soon I hope.

But anyway, I'm getting back up and standing tall.

 

Thank you! I absolutely love the subject. There is so much you can do with it. I am leaning toward the applied route at the moment, which is funny since my friends and I were all pure math in undergrad, so we would "make fun of" applied mathematicians. So when I announced that my PhD might be in applied math, my friends gave me a hard time, haha. The main teaser happens to be a statistician PhD candidate, but graduate statistics work is a lot closer to pure math than just an undergraduate stats major, so we accept him as a mathematician haha. All playful teasing of course. I know a lot of jokes at mathematicians expense, although you only hear them told by other mathematicians. (I am not sure what the impression is of mathematicians and comedy, but it exists, and if you expect that it is pretty weird humor, I would argue you are correct). Anyway, thank you for your comment. It made my day.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

18 days – PMO forces have spotted you!! With haste you use the Bucklebury Ferry to cross the Brandywine river.

 

Day 0 - Nazgûl

I PMO'd last night. Not sure why. I think it was just that I was on eBay looking for something and saw a "suggested purchase" which happened to portray a scantily clad anime character. (I play Yugioh which in America features fairly conservative artwork to the point of censorship of the Japanese artwork, and I sometimes look at the custom cloth mats to see if any look interesting for purchase, and I saw on of a popular "waifu" card which happened to turn me on despite being a cartoon. I feel kind of sheepish by that. Anyway, I looked up more images of her on google which led me to search out nude photos of real women which led to PMO. I was almost done with day 2 which sucks, but I was doing what I promised myself I would not do after my hospitalization, and I was binging YouTube before I went on eBay. YouTube is a mind drain for me. There is a lot of academic stuff on there which I like to watch, but I need to avoid the YouTube shorts. Basically for those who don't know, they are around 20 second videos that for someone who is already a pornography (and potentially internet) addict, they are essentially 20 second hits of dopamine that you can then spend a couple hours scrolling through. Since pornography is only a source of dopamine and in reality we are probably all dopamine addicts versus being "pornography addicts" since the pornography causes a rush of dopamine, which reinforces the behavior, but pornography on its own is not causing the addictive response. In the end, it is just semantics, but there is a reason why a lot of pornography addicts are also internet or video game addicts, and that reason is dopamine. When I used to gamble, I would get such a rush when I put the money down, and to this day, I cannot walk past a lotto scratch off stand without getting a craving. However, pornography is even worse because triggers are everywhere, not just at the lotto stand or on TV. And with YouTube, I do use it for academic work, but it is also addictive. How can we as addicts use the internet where triggers are abound, while still maintaining our sobriety? I have not figured that out yet alas, but I am trying. I was in a program that encouraged weaning of and while I was working with the coach, I was successful in reducing my addictive behavior somewhat. However, after the program ended, I regressed further than I was when I was just doing cold turkey. At least when I was cold turkey, I was only viewing once every week or so, and even then, it was to P-subs, but after the "weaning off" I started viewed hardcore stuff again. My coach was great, and I will hopefully be working with him again soon, as with the support, "weaning off" and "cold turkey" are essentially equivalent. I have "permission" to view, but since I have a coach I do not. However, when I do not have that support, I find my habits actually get worse. He has helped hundreds of men get clean permanently to the point of when they see pornography, it does not turn them on. So I know his program works, however, without his support, I realized I was better off doing NoFap and going cold turkey with some life changes he introduced.

Anyway, I hope you all have a blessed day.
Best,
Mathman1994

 

601 days semen retention