29 never had a girlfriend or dated, I’m losing all hope

At least you've had some experience. Unlike someone like me... 25 and 0% experience dating, kissing, talking, etc. anything.. which is just festering up day after day.

My advice is if you can't do something well is to just try, you will likely fail, but the sooner you fail the sooner you will learn from your mistakes man - mistakes teach the most as they hit on a more personal level. Fall flat on your face and go through the pain, you will only grow, but only if you are open to learn. Oh and fake it til you make it too.. She doesn't need to know you haven't been on many dates before, and don't ever mention anything about it either.

If this matters to you enough you will eventually be exactly where you want, but you can only make it happen.

And sex regularly, that's so surface - get beyond that. Become friends with a girl, give a shit, but don't be the first to say "I love you", let her express that she loves you first, keep it casual, build trust and connection between eachother - sex is just a bonus, it's not the end all be all.

Do NoFap because you want a better life, and as you start feeling and looking better women will sense your shift in energy and naturally be more interested - porn has a way of destroying our self-esteems and confidence, it's time for you to take it back man, you got it.

 

Hey,

Don't you think you're just painting yourself into a corner by only looking at and thinking about things that confirm your bias? Doesn't it just become a self-serving excuse not to try, and thereby stay insecure?

Can I ask how often you have been rejected for the fact of having little experience? Not in a poll, nor a dating app or other thing on the internet, but by some woman you've actually met? If the answer is a lot, then I'd say you have a point, and I'll admit my view of women may be crooked (or you're meeting the wrong kind of women!) But if it is just two or three times, then perhaps you'll have to admit your assumption may not be true or at least a bit rash.

Either way, maybe your assumption is right, maybe it's not. But since it mainly exists in your head regardless, what have you got to lose by changing that assumption? If you live your life as if your past experience doesn't matter, then what will you have to give up? And on the other hand, what do you think you might gain? Perhaps think about these questions before you read on; have your own answers before I give you mine.

I'm going to be blunt here, sorry for that, but perhaps what you'd lose is the excuse that it's not even worth trying. Because by telling yourself you are undateble, you do not have to create the courage to step up to women. That creates safety from being hurt, because some part of you fears getting rejected. In other words, instead of looking at your own insecurity, you place the responsibility with others. You imagine a problem in the world "out there" so you don't have to solve anything "in here". That fear of being rejected, the insecurity, I suggest is the real problem here.

That's exactly why women answer "yes, it's a red flag" in your poll. Because having no experience is a red flag for insecurity, and few women like insecure men. It's not that the actual lack of experience ITSELF is a problem. If you can be confident despite, or even better, WITH your little experience, there's no issue.

You're just creating this barrier yourself, dude. Hell, even if it WERE true that it made you less desirable, no girl is going to ask you on the first dates how much sex you have had or how many ex-girlfriends you have. Trust me, they don't want to know, really. They're also not going to tell by how you act in the bedroom. So if you just don't bring it up until you're ready, they won't know anyway, until you're ready to tell them later in the relationship.

That's my 2 cents. I know it's a bit rough, sorry bout that. But I hope it can help, because I recognize some of my past self in you. I was a relative late bloomer myself. My excuse was, "no girl is attracted to the nerdy guy who likes math; no woman wants a man who doesn't care about sports; blablabla." Turned out to be nonsense that only existed in my head. After I let that go, I dated and flirted with some really beautiful women. Even the most "different" and "distant" kind of woman I could have ever imagined beforehand, like a professional soccer player who was really good looking. (Remember, I was the no-sports lanky guy.) How? Self confidence, first and foremost.

Confidence, by the way, which I did not get from sexual experience, for I don't have all that much. I got that confidence mainly from one thing: learning to be fine with rejection. Rejection is just part of the dating game, and you'll need to get used to it. Sorry! No pain, no gain, I suppose. You can do nofap for years, and you will gain confidence surrounding self control, but if you don't learn to deal with the possibility of rejection, in my experience you'll still stay insecure around women. (But still stay away from porn, because one of the attractions of porn is exactly that those girls never reject you. So it aggravates the problem of insecurity.)

In fact, I might even suggest you'll need to do it yourself, to reject a few girls. That truly creates confidence, since you show to yourself you don't really need verification from someone else. Don't worry, they'll be fine. No, you're not using them as a tool, for you have a real reason for rejecting them: you're not ready.

But if you never place yourself in situations where you might meet up with girls because you assume none will want you anyway, then when will you ever have the chance to either reject or be rejected? When will you actually gain the experience and confidence? Sure, live by your assumption if you want, that no single girl in the whole world would ever want you. But you'll be wallowing in your self-pity until you're 90 years old. Is that how you want to live, or do you want to live with the knowledge that at least you gave it a good shot?

One final idea, think of yourself like this: "That little experience of mine, that's just exactly who I am and wish to be. That's my thing which makes me unique!" Sounds silly, I know, but you might as well embrace it fully, since you can't magically wish it away, anyway.

Let me know what you think, including if you think I'm being a total asshole!

 

what is the alternative? Give up and proceed not getting a woman? Come on OP you know better...

 

When I was 29 I had never had a girlfriend and had my first girlfriend in my early 30s. Think the key is to accept the reality of your situation and practise self-compassion. Do some inner work and get to the point where you accept yourself. Once you're at that point you won't really care what other people think and if a girl rejects you it will their loss. You might find the podcast 'Do You F*cking Mind?' helpful. She has really down-to-earth advice on mental health issues and a really good episode on insecurities.

 

Only guys care about "experience" (and pester other guys for not having it). Us women don't give a shit. Virgins are a huge turn on. Nobody wants a man who has been with everyone, what's the fun in that?

 

They cant found out if you have experience or not,you are young,if you finally take the risk and talk to many women you will get many dates and in a couple of months you will become a pro

 

@Mr.Tony, you sound like you are your own man, which is admirable. Well done.

 

Hey man same condition here, maybe even worst. 31 years old, never had a date, girlfriend, sex, kiss, or even holding hand.
I feel depressed, rejected, and unwanted by the world. I started this nofap in hope that something good can come into my life.
I don't mean to make you even feel hopeless, but just so you know someone worst than your condition is exist, which is me. (if that can makes u feel better.)

 

Amen! Good luck to US!

 

I think your main issue is that you are gearing too much of your efforts on getting a girl.

As a divorced man, and a guy who had a moderate amount of gf before that,

may I suggest to you that there is far more mystery in this quest than value?

 

Tony always has a good message! Even good for me today! Thanks bro, many blessings!

 

I’m 29 and I haven’t had a girlfriend who will go on a date. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m going to be lonely for the rest of my life. I am Christian, so I would like a Christian girlfriend. They don’t really have sex before marriage (if they stay true to the Word).

 

What a lot of guys don't understand is that a woman is a bad thing for you right now.

What you need is to develop your life, before taking on a passenger.

Because if your life outside of her isn't built up, she will not respect you, and if you get her,
she's going to leave and you'll be back in the gutter, wondering why you can't get a date.

Build up your life through a hard mode reboot, then the girls will find you.

 

True, me myself also believe in this theory, but when I look around, and I see realty. I saw many man (including many of my friends) who can get their dream girl, with just minimal effort, even thou their character an personal life is no better.

I mean how come they're allowed to be happy with their dream girls, and us not, longing for that romance to happen to us.

Even more some who are jerk, just can waste those girls like theyre nothin. Whilst we could only dream off them.

That makes me or maybe us even down and depressed. How the reality is so unfair againts us.

 

The reason is because you were given a higher calling and a higher achievement potential than that dude. You just can't see it yet.

 

I am not sure about that.
When is the limit reached? Is it reached if you own 1 house, 2 houses, 3 houses, 4 houses? How many cars you need to get a life which is "build up"?
To build a life is a thing for every men in every second, regardless of property, measure of value, knowledge etc.
What if superstorm is a perfectionist and is never satisfied with what he reached in life?
Seriously i know men, which lived in one small ugly dirty room and regardless of that always had nive girlfriends and were satisfied with their life.

What you are doing is to unsettle the creator of thread. You raise the requirement to get a girl in the head of
superstorm. This is not right in my opinion. Instead you should encourage him to get experience with girls and grow in his behaviour with girls besides his own life. It is false to just focus on 1 aspect.

you talk about women like they were a strange alien species, who are not able to be human.
This is false. Woman are able to like your character and personality regardless of what you reached in life.

 

I agree with this. There’s a lot of dating advice that encourages guys to solely focus on improving their life circumstances before gaining experience with women. Guys should do both, in my opinion. It’s a good idea to better yourself AND try to gain experience with women. It could take years to develop an attractive lifestyle and if you put off dating until you reach that goal, you’ll find yourself behind the curve when it comes to dating and relationships. Keep in mind that there are guys who are rich and successful who still have trouble attracting and keeping a good woman.

 

Dude. Don't accuse me like that. This is a public forum. People can express what they want. Nobody is forced to do anything. They can love it, use it, ignore it, hate it or hate me.

That is how these things work. You aren't in a position to go around telling people what to write and accusing them.