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Post published by Vendettana
Wow, life is hard. I really tried to play it by the rules after all. I believed. In May I finally married my wonderful wife, I'm 38, it is not like too early. She is living abroad, I left the place in order to find a new job. This is very important to get the paperwork so she can join me. When I told my parents that I would marry her, they told me to go to hell. For the new year 2019, they wished me failure in all my ventures, this is the last message I had (cause I blocked their numbers). For more than a year I am living at friends' places, jumping from one to another, paying little rent here and there, but still my savings are melting away. I have been looking for jobs, I have sent hundreds of CVs, well written, adapted and so on. I had interviews, I drove around to do those interviews. At the end of October I will be unemployed for a year. I have a PhD in Physics, that is not like gender studies, it is a hard core education. Now my car is broken down and despite my best efforts I still did not manage to repair it, it 23 years old anyway. I started praying with my wife every evening on the phone and every morning for myself. I had faith and so far there is nothing but despair. I look around and I wonder why other people don't struggle that much, they just find a job, they just marry a girl from around the corner and they don't have to be separated from their fresh wife for months (and who knows, maybe years). Not less than a year ago, I would just drink and masturbate, but I am disciplined, stopped drinking, PMO, caffeine. Life is not fair. Sometimes I really thing God hates me.
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Hopingforfreedom
Try this devotion, sounds like a good one for you right now: https://www.raystedman.org/old-testament/psalms/a-song-of-realities
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Tao Jones
"I really tried to play it by the rules after all. I believed." Past tense?
In this life, we are guaranteed suffering. The great promise of Christ is not that we will live lives of ease, but that we will never suffer alone. The great hope of the disciple is not comfort as the world knows it, but as The God of all comfort gives it (2 Cor. 1). In this world we will have trouble, but we can be of good cheer and have courage, because we know Him.
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Tao Jones
Through this connection, we have joy, peace, gentleness, self-control and all the rest of his very good gifts. Enjoy them. And never give up hope or trust in Jesus. I am sorry for your hard go. many of us have known similar times. They do not last forever. God's love for us does. Take heart!
HigherPower72 and mrothell like this.
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frogs2345
Do you think that God is saying you might be doing it wrong? God may just be testing you, which is likely, but you could be playing Jonah and running away from God in trying to seek a new job. I tried to go to college, and God had other plans. I'm not in the trades. Ask God what to do. Do not become complacent or conceited because of your failure. Rejoice that God somehow will bring himself glory and you sanctification from this.
Soulherb and HigherPower72 like this.
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mrothell
All of us deserve separation from God forever in Hell because of our sin. Thankfully God was so radically in love with us that he sent his son Jesus to break the power and punishment of sin. Jesus promises us a new hope, new home, new identity, and new power to live by the Holy Spirit. He promises to walk with us in the difficulties, not take them away. Difficulties are here because of man's free will. God let us freely choose to follow him or follow evil, and with that free will has come the difficult lives we have to live - but it will all be renewed when Jesus returns, not before. Sorry it's been hard man!
HigherPower72 likes this.
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HigherPower72
Yes, I completely agree, life can be very cruel at times but those are the moments that wind up defining who we really are. Despite the fog of adversity, I see many blessings in your life already, from your level of education to your strength for sobriety. I pray that you are soon reunited with your wife and that you can find the employment that best suits your needs.
mrothell likes this.
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Nuhope
"Sometimes I really thing God hates me." He can not hate, it is impossible for the Allmighty. If we want to get in heaven, we have - like Jesus - to bear our cross, die at it and only then we can revive with and in Jesus. Nevertheless, I hope you get a good job soon and your wife near you. Until then, you can go your way of the cross. Dying without having gone one's way of the cross - that's rather bad!