Day 3 is almost complete. In a few hours I will be in bed. I am already benefiting from the fruits of recovery, regaining force to live, to laugh and engage with other people.
Never checked in for 3 whole days, but I made it into 3/3 I'll do this challenge once again to strengthen my will
Day 1 I think I had it all wrong. I was always focused how to prevent prone masturbation so I designed the strategy how to avoid it, but I didnt realize that masturbation is already step2 in my addiction habitat. Step1 is fantasies and the food for my fantasies are always pictures/vids of hot girls barely wearing something. I want to quit proning, but that will never happen if I dont adress the root cause - fucked up fantasies - essentially porn in my head. I stopped watching porn, but on weekly basis I create these fucked up porn fantasies so basically in my head I never quit watching porn. its time to get responsible and really obey all the classic thought control systems so everytime the triggers/thoughts appear I dont get lost in them, waking up afterwards with wet underwear. Its fucking disgusting for god sake. I know I can do it. We all can do it.
Going back to day 1 challenge. I relapsed absolutely different way than normal. I did visualization exercise and I also visualized stnd sex which led me to continue fantasizing and relapsing. For a minute I felt like fuck this nofap thing, but I dont give up just yet!