Thanks for this story. You got my respect for reaching 365 days of nofap and willing to share your journey with us.
Went through the archives to dig this up in a time of need. Cant let this one it sink into the darkness of interweb oblivion. There is hope people. Thanks again @i_wanna_get_better1
What a well detailed account. I am on day 181. I can attest to so much you’ve said. You also give me hope for the future. You expressed often feeling like an actor pretending to be normal to those around you.. and that is what I have done all my life. Porn has robbed me of the joy of experiencing life itself. But I am healing, and I’m hopeful. And yes, the term addict in recovery is a good one. That reenforces that I should never let my guard down. Thank you for taking the time to create this post.
It's difficult, my girl was telling me from so many days..... But I always outsmarted her as if she was wrong...... Now I could understand... But better late than never....
I'm not going to get into the debate if masturbating is okay or not. But I know these important truths... 1. The potential to return to addictive behavior will always be in our brains. Not only are parts of the circuitry there, but it's a familiar way of dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression. 2. The key to long term success is to reduce the amount of time we think about sex. We're medicating ourselves when we think about sex. We think about sex when we masturbate. So masturbating is a slippery slope that can lead to a relapse because the images in our head that we use to masturbate can become stale. That can lead to frustration and motivate us to seek out fresh material. 3. If someone has broken free, then there's no need to return to anything close to that destructive behavior. Try to satisfy any sexual needs in a safe, committed relationship.
Great story man, it inspires me but I have a question: how do you feel free if you consider yourself an addict in recovery? I mean, is it an everlasting condition? I thought that once rebooted you just change your life and porn is not anymore a part of it cause even if you find yourself in a condition where you absently look at some pictures you’ll have methods to cope with them and your brain is gonna be different from the previous one that indulged in those things when you tell me you’re still not healed what do you mean? Do I also have to keep living with a sense of void, anxiety and insomnia for all of my life if one year still isn’t enough?
While I was an active addict, everything I did revolved around using porn. It was the center of my universe and it was my master. As an addict in recovery, I am in control and have clarity of mind to make good decisions. I still need comfort, but I do not seek comfort in porn anymore. It does not produce the same effect on my brain as it used to. My mind will always suggest porn as the first solution to any problem I face. Most of the time, I choose other things to make me feel better. And if I slip up and peek then my conscience quickly rejects it. I no longer slip into the trance and blindly go down the road that leads to a relapse. To me, recovery is not about perfection. I leave room for mistakes. But I have developed the ability to reverse course. I think that porn stunted my development in many ways. It has damaged my ability to make friends and be social. It has affected the way I communicate with others. I think has affected my ability to be empathetic and make connections. I don't know what 1 year will feel like for you. If you don't replace porn with something else then you will definitely feel something is missing. It is important to have hobbies and activities and to have a purpose in life if possible. Also, removing addictive behaviors may reveal underlying mental health issues that may need to be addressed. If you're not feeling at least some improvement after 90 days then something else may be going on. I've also read that some addicts experience what's called PAWS after 6 months to a year of being sober.