Day 7! Yesterday evening I really got sed and kind of a depression spiral simply because I feel like I’m doing everything right and its hard that I’m not feeling great immediately. I’ve meditated, talked to friends, studied, exercised, ate right, sleep well. And had an honest and real conversation with my girlfriend about our relationship and our sexual life. I feel urges now, and they don’t feel sexual, just habits and strass. But I can’t explain (even though you all probably know what I’m saying) how much easier it is to be on day 7 compare to being stuck on day 0-3 for so long. So know I just need to keep on doing what I’m doing now. Good luck everybody.
29 days. I've basically been feeling like sh*t - I'm tired even though I sleep and eat well, I have low energy, and some weird ache in my mouth and my teeth. Usually when I've felt bad in the past, P has been a way for me to feel better, if only for a moment. But I resist this time in order to rewire those pathways. Some P fantasies was coming to life in my mind but I was able to be aware of them and eventually let them go by staying calm and breathing.
Day 128 no PMO - had a productive day yesterday. No urges but still trying to find contentment in my life.
Check in for day 13 It was kind of a strange situation, I was walking down the street with a friend when we saw this woman lying down in the middle of the road. We were one of the first bystanders to approach her and we tried to get her off the road and to help her. She was very disoriented, had a a hospital bracelet on her wrist, and could not speak Portuguese (my countries language) very well. We then called the ambulance but her supposed husband arrived and was trying to take her with him saying that she was an alcoholic , however we (the bystanders) decided to wait it out until the ambulance arrived. When it did, she said she didn't want to go to the hospital so they couldn't actually take her and so they just left. Me & my friend tried to help out for a bit longer and make sure that the man was her actual husband, but like I said you could barely communicate with her because of the alcohol and the fact she coulnd't really speak our language. (Also her relationship with this man seemed a bit weird from what we saw, but that would take a bit too long to explain here) So when I got home i told my family about this and told them we should try to be a bit separate for the next few days (because COVID is emerging in my city again and the woman wasn't wearing a mask) until i could do a quick test. And they got frustrated at me and told me that I should have just left the moment I saw other bystanders arrive to help her and that I should "help other people, but make sure to not create problems for myself"
Day 3. Withdrawal is hitting me harder today. That pretty much describes how it's looming over my head. But I won't give in. None of us will; we can do this!
Well brother, you did great! I'm sure that woman you tried to help is grateful to you for trying to protect her. It takes courage to act out of love to other people instead of doing nothing because of the fears. Well, understand this-your family is always going to try to protect you from harm, so just be grateful for the family's attempt to keep you safe, but it's only good for very young people the older we become the more we have to engage with the world to strengthen and develop as part of the community we live in !
daily checking in A great urge appears , but his duration is short as always , so pff, why should care this time?
Today would have been day 4. But alas, I failed yesterday so back to 0. It was strange. Not only were the urges there, but also this extreme boredom but lack of motivation. I ended up binge-watching this show (nothing bad in it) and wasting my whole day. It's like my brain was just crying out for stimulation of any kind. So! I've put some app limiters on my phone (as that's how I was watching the show) and hope I can stick to it. It's just more of a realization that this battle I'm in is not just about fighting urges but also gaining deeper discipline in ALL areas of my life.
The thoughts are not evil, nor good... It was just the energy building up as I had little activity in the direction the energy needed to be invested and of course, as always, the mind jumps in with a "quick fix"... yet, of course... it's never a fix, as it fixes nothing... It does not get me closer to my goals, it brings no creation into reality and no new knowledge that I can use, as opposed to resisting.
That state of boredom is the cause of your urges and it is caused by a lot of dopamine flooding in your brain causing activities like PMO, a lot of sweets, silly stress causing movies etc. Afetr you overstimulated your dopamine receptors the stop responding to the normal stimulation and therefore boredom with a lack of motivation. You done wrong unto yourself and know you have to get through the zone of boredom and lack of motivation by cultivating healthy habits to cope with stresses in your life. Try to do some DIY project next time you bored or go for a long walk to the new never before visited place!
yeah, i think all feelings (joyful or hurtful) are beacons that wants to guide our path. so instead of fighting them off, or giving in, we should listen to them . Here´s a great poem by Jeff Foster: "HOW I BECAME A WARRIOR Once, I ran from fear so fear controlled me. Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn. Listen to it, but not give in. Honour it, but not worship it. Fear could not stop me anymore. I walked with courage into the storm. I still have fear, but it does not have me. Once, I was ashamed of who I was. I invited shame into my heart. I let it burn. It told me, "I am only trying to protect your vulnerability". I thanked shame dearly, and stepped into life anyway, unashamed, with shame as a lover. Once, I had great sadness buried deep inside. I invited it to come out and play. I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry. And I found joy right there. Right at the core of my sorrow. It was heartbreak that taught me how to love. Once, I had anxiety. A mind that wouldn't stop. Thoughts that wouldn't be silent. So I stopped trying to silence them. And I dropped out of the mind, and into the Earth. Into the mud. Where I was held strong like a tree, unshakeable, safe. Once, anger burned in the depths. I called anger into the light of myself. I felt its shocking power. I let my heart pound and my blood boil. Listened to it, finally. And it screamed, "Respect yourself fiercely now!". "Speak your truth with passion!". "Say no when you mean no!". "Walk your path with courage!". "Let no one speak for you!" Anger became an honest friend. A truthful guide. A beautiful wild child. Once, loneliness cut deep. I tried to distract and numb myself. Ran to people and places and things. Even pretended I was "happy". But soon I could not run anymore. And I tumbled into the heart of loneliness. And I died and was reborn into an exquisite solitude and stillness. That connected me to all things. So I was not lonely, but alone with All Life. My heart One with all other hearts. Once, I ran from difficult feelings. Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends, and they all have a home in me, and they all belong and have dignity. I am sensitive, soft, fragile, my arms wrapped around all my inner children. And in my sensitivity, power. In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence. In the depths of my wounds, in what I had named “darkness”, I found a blazing Light that guides me now in battle. I became a warrior when I turned towards myself. And started listening."