Sorry you have gone through so much hardship. 54 days free is huge and you will see results in your mood and energy, but you’ll have to stay with it. As far as depression, it’s important to see a doctor because you need to at least rule out physical factors before addressing psychological/spiritual ones. After seeing a doctor you might consider professional counseling. A good counselor can help with depression and self-esteem issues. But this all takes time! Whatever you do, you’ve got supporters here. Keep posting, brother!
Day 18 As I pay attention to myself I notice that I’m still prone to allow myself to be allured. I haven’t crossed the line into watching P, but I have clicked around periscope hoping to see something exciting. I have scrolled Facebook with the same thing in mind. I’m still an addict. My body/mind/heart wants a fix. I can too easily justify my wandering ways and slip off the edge. I need to pursue good instead of flirt with evil. I’m a weak man and need support from friends, so thanks guys.
Still day 18 I realized that I have a deep issue that causes a lot of my surface level problems like PMO. I simply have a low view of myself. I’ve infected my wife with this, so we as a family tend to value people based on their performance (in whatever area) instead of their intrinsic/inherent worth as a human beings. This issue then causes me depression when I fail. I fear failure instead of getting excited about the learning opportunity. I value others based on what they can do (especially what they can do for me). I need help. I’m just a weak man.
You are not weak brother. You are what you think you are.Be optimistic and happy. .Set your daily goals and try to have a productive day. Stay busy. Also try yoga,breathing techniques and meditation.
Day 79 of 90. I will remember about HALT strategy (avoid each of the following, being: hungry, angry, lonely, tired). "The key to maintaining a life in recovery is a combination of self-care and self-awareness. By taking care of ourselves and recognizing certain signs, we can prevent relapse. One of the tools some people use is HALT. This handy acronym reminds us to take a moment (HALT) and ask ourselves if we are feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. It seems simple enough, but when these basic needs are not met, we are susceptible to self-destructive behaviors including relapse. Fortunately, hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness are easy to address and serve as a warning system before things reach a breaking point."
Look like i cant control anymore...fighting too hard to not get failed when i already know that i will eventually fail...sooner or later...cant say if i will able to cross 1 more day or not...day 17/90
Day 46 House is full of relatives, means that I was the whole day home and played video games after a stressful week. Feel urges and loneliness. Don`t know what to do