Thank you so much my friend. I am so glad you are here. We can continue to fight together in the good times and bad. You inspire me always!
Your self-honesty and integrity is certainly admirable! I'm not sure what you were referring to with the "intimate stuff which you weren't supposed to do". If restarting your streak feels right then do it. But here's a stray thought on (incomplete) failure; there is a reason I give glory to God every day my streak continues. None of this is a testament to me, my willpower, my ability to make good choices or anything like that- I already know I will fall short in these regards. That I can ever get beyond day 0 is a testament to grace and on some days grace alone. There are days I am tempted to say I have failed. Fallen short of the ideal in some way. Perhaps this counted, or that counted. I still have some fantasies, perhaps I'm watching television and there is nudity- perhaps I do not look away soon enough. That sort of thing. But, to say I have failed on these days is to say I have succeeded on the days when I was simply blind to my own shortcomings, or on the days when I was flatlining and weirdly arrogant about it. I find this sort of fixed mindset leads to binging. I seek to take no pride in my own willpower or perfection. But rather to simply express continuous gratitude that these moments of weakness did not spiral out of control, that they do not become something that hurts me or my family, to be happy for that. Day 34, checking in. Glory to God!
Fell on day 10! Darn it! I had a depression relapse and it felt like my brain just went on autopilot. Starting over!
Check in Day 1(26), Hello Spartans, I continue to feel flat. And people around me are telling me this is what they see in me. This morning I faced the mess of my research project and my finances. I had so many emotions. I wanted to just get up from desk and run home. I visualized doing this. And I heard a small voice. A whisper. It said don’t run. Later in the day, my messes were still the same size. But I felt a little different. Even though I didn’t fix them, I did something. Some small actions. And it changed how I felt. I didn’t feel so scared and cowardly. This flat period is hell. I feel like I’m trapped inside of a glass bottle. I can see the world around me but I feel this wall separating me from it. I think it’s time for me to push through. I need to push through. I know that crossing this dark period will lead me to a new life. And I’m ready for it. Thanks for all your encouragement Spartans. God bless
Check in day 13. It was a long day. Played some b-ball to stay active. Will look at the posts tomorrow.
I admire your candor and resilience. Thank you for reminding me today that I'm starting over, too, regardless of what my day counter reads.
God Bless you too my friend. You are a great man who has turned his life around and only great things are coming your way because of it.
Thank you for sharing your success Spartans It is one of the highlights of my day. I wish you joy, strength, and peace as you continue to embark on this challenge.
Congratulations @Wolfyoufeed on your achieving the rank of Spartan Soldier! *headnod* *fistbump* How is your family feeling?
day 20 checking in flash back moment still happen but thank's to @Wolfyoufeed tip's, until now i can bear with it
In many ways I am a changed man: a humbled man; honest; grateful; newfound sense of joy, energy, and strength. Very up and down, though. Highs and lows, though the lows no longer have as much bite to them. Urges are constant. I have zero urges to watch porn but I am still recalling, in my mind, with fond remembrances, past particular sexual porn scenes, and past sexual "conquests." So I have to remain vigilant, focused, busy.