During my recovery process, at least an attemp to, I often search some triggering material on the internet. I locked almost all of it, except some pics from search engines, google drive and google translate - cached triggering texts. My dopamine levels rise, and then..in attempt to release some tension, I try to masturbate on what I happen to find on the web. Then, two things happen: 1st, I edge and almost orgasm, after it my sanity comes back and some tension goes away, so I can stop it sometimes. But the mood inevitably fades. 2nd, I sometimes can't get hard enough to get some joy out of it, so my higher order brain takes control and I evaluate this highly questionable content with which I try to raise stakes and fight my desensitization. What do you do in similar situations? Is it better to orgasm when edging/relapsing this way?
There’s no correct answer to this, except your own experience, these are the two camps of thought and your thought process is pretty much similar to this: If you orgasm you can go through the whole thing, without the chaser effect of “damn I just want to orgasm” and then reflect and improve from there. I fall into this group. If you don’t orgasm, that shows a weakening of the old actions you used to take. Be watchful and careful of the chaser effect. Also reflect and improve from there.
If you come to the realization that you are / have been edging, just masturbate to the point of orgasm. Save yourself some time and end the charade. Edging is more harmful than a short MO session. That's my advice.
Thanks, guys, for your replies. I just noticed that I often fall back to searching some triggering material. And the question arises: is it better to may be stop sooner without orgasm? Noah Church says edging is worse, too, but on YBOP we read: "nerves that fire together wire together". And the orgasm is the ultimate connection? So, it seems that when one orgasms, they reinforce this addiction. And of course, after ejaculation, I feel unmotivated, weak etc. etc. And it's hard to make yourself do exercises or some complex activity that really helps. And really easy to reset your counter every one-two days without much progress.
