The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 1

Today was rough at the start, I was feeling awful from last nights relapse but by the end of the night I'm feeling pretty good.

I had a handful of really strong urges today, here's a list of the things I did to help with those:

• Microcosmic Orbit Breathing Meditation (it sounds way scarier than it is, you basically just visualise breathing around in a loop through your body)
• Reminding myself that they are just thoughts and that I do not have to act upon them or interact with them in any way (to help with detachment from the thoughts)
• I found that making fun of my addiction and myself helped in a strange way, as an example:

*I get an urge*
talking to my urge: "oh here he comes again begging me to jerk off like some fucking loser, fuck off dude im busy i dont have time for your shit"
talking to myself: "really dude, you're gonna just listen to this guy? you're just gonna beat your meat to make yourself feel better just because this guy told you to? seriously? that's fucking gross man"​

I don't actually think that what I'm saying is what's helping I think just basically pretending I'm having a conversation with someone is keeping my mind busy, or maybe it's helping me become less scared of the urges because I'm making it a lesser deal by mocking it. Obviously I can't recommend the "self-bullying" method I used today because it might be quite harmful for others but it worked for me for some reason so I thought I'd share.

 

Day 13

Having a great day so far, complete with cold shower and weight lifting. I've gotten some work done too.

I'm a little worried my addict brain might be trying to replace PMO with alcohol. I've been drinking too much. Rarely to drunkenness, but still. It's not that alcohol makes me more tempted to PMO at this point, though it used to. It's more like it's becoming my go-to source for consolation or dopamine instead of PMO.

I don't want that to happen. The fact that the desire to drink a couple drinks every night keeps recommending itself to me makes me think that I still haven't quite solved what's at the root of my PMO addiction. What am I running from? What am I avoiding?

I'm going to keep working on this. No beer tonight!

 

Checking in Fellowship friends,

Day 322 free of Porn and Day 250 free of MO!

Caught a small cold Sunday but I seem to be recovering quickly, hoping i'll be 100% by tomorrow. I definitely see an improvement in that regard too, back when I was in heavy withdrawal/early burnout, a cold would render me incapable of even working. I'd have to take the entire first day off at the least..if not more. I would have a lot of ruminating thoughts as well.

So I take it as a good sign. I will mention I had an urge on my first day of being sick, but nothing I could not manage.

I'm really excited to see the changes that will occur within the next 3 to 6 months.

Stay strong fellowship!


250 days – You´re halfway the stairs. You move slowly trying to stay unnoticed by the flying Nazgûl.

 

Day 225

 

435 days

 

Yep, you're right bro! But when I said that I didn't change, I was talking about my nature, I haven't reached a purity of heart that would stop me even from fantasizing, so I'm still the same person with a lot of faults, and I still need to recognize that I'm incapable of fighting this sin alone. That's what grace is all about. And I also fear the feeling of empowerment, because it leads me to think that I'm an almighty human who's able of doing anything, and that leads me to relapse. But yep, I can see that I'm not the same person, not even the person that I wanna be, so I think I can say that I'm changing.

 

She is angry because I did pm so much that I did not give her the sexual and romantic attention that she deserved, and because I lied about it for a long time.

 

Day 29. Almost an elf !! Like I said every little victory it’s what makes the greatest victory of reboot a reality. So I will keep doing my best , praying for the strength to do my journey to Mordor and destroy this ring and I will keep my mind studying reboot material to stay focus on my fight in the good and the bad days. God bless you all brothers and sisters !!

 

Day 3 complete!

I'm still in the lull following my last reset, but tomorrow I expect that the urges will become stronger. Limiting my phone usage is what really helps me to avoid triggers--not that I'm doing anything explicitly triggering on my phone, but it so easily creates the atmosphere of slowing down, relaxing, and mindlessly searching for the next thing to pulse my brain.

@Onan the Barbarian Be careful and stay strong! The connection you're seeing between various addictive behaviors is a very real one, I think. Exchanging one addiction for another is no true progress.

 

67 days.

I just gotta be durable.

 

451 days high king
517 days no PMO, semen retention

 

I didn't take the time to post yesterday because of a very busy afternoon/evening, so here comes yesterdays report.

The cold symptoms from the vaccine is pretty much gone, so I took the opportunity to socialise a lot this day. I had lunch with some friends, and after work I headed to another friends place to have a small birthday celebration. It was a great evening, but I drank a bit too much wine and indulged in a bit too much calories.

Another thing I haven't talked about here on NoFap is my nicotine addiction. I haven't used nicotine in 4 weeks now which feels great (used it daily before), and when the others at the party offered me nicotine I could easily say "no, thank you" without having any strong urges. So that's something good to remember today when I'm a bit tired from yesterday's indulgences.

Spoiler: Daily tasks

1. Physical exercise. (Done; Did some walking again.)
2. Meditation. (Done; 10 min in the morning.)
3. Study about reboot. (Done; kept listening to the podcast about addiction I posted yesterday.)
4. Eating in moderation. (Not done.)

 

Maybe from yourself and avoiding the truth of seeing yourself as you really are for it destroys quite a lot of what you have built in life so far and to which you are quite attached...

 

Your true nature as a divine soul never changes but some of the beliefs you built around yourself preventing it to shine through. To purify heart you have to find what makes it dirty and why you keep that contaminant around you...and we are never really alone -it is the belief that we are alone that shuts our connection to Oneness of life. It come from the way we were brought up by the society we live in. Can you change your thinking and release the myth of separation?....and the sin is never alone but a legion so that you can't fight one and tolerate- entertain the others. Yes, lust is tied to greed, to pride, to sloth, to jealousy, to gluttony and fear and they all stem from the lie of separation.

 

Why don't you try to treat your wife like your favorite sister and express your love to her not trough sexual and romantic attention but trough caring for her, taking efforts in having a good understanding of what she really needs, respecting her for who she is and what she does, stopping betraying her to pmo/lust but being devoted and loyal husband , validating her good nature and reassuring her when needed...and maybe it's a good idea for the both of you to go this challenge together or at least try to make it happen for it will save you from hiding the part of yourself, of your life from her maybe out of fear of rejection and humiliation ?

 

Day 2, I'm ready for the advanture!

 

My gf and I just went on a break, and I relapsed badly. I've PMO'd several times over the past two weeks, including four times today. I get self-destructive during times like this, but I have to be better. I am joining this challenge because I want to be held accountable, and I want to see everyone else succeed alongside me. I believe in all of you. This is not just 500 days, this is the first 500 days of the rest of our lives without porn. Without destructive urges, without partners who are angry and feel betrayed, without unrealistic expectations of sex. Our first 500 days without PIED, or chronic boredom. Our first 500 days of living our best lives, whatever they may be, without the weight of porn upon our backs and our minds. This is a unique challenge we in the 21st century must face. Never before has there been access to explicit material like this. Never before has humanity had to struggle with the commodification of pleasure as it does now. McDonald's chemically alters their food so that it triggers an unnatural response in your brain. Soft drink companies do the same with soda. Foods are pumped full of filler and then artificial flavoring is added to them to trick us and pull us in. But think about how good real food tastes. Think about the difference between McD's and a quality burger joint. Think about the difference between Subway and a quality homemade sandwich. The difference between Pizza Hut and your local pizza place. Especially think about how good it feels and tastes to make that food at home for yourself. That feeling is being taken away from us by porn. 95% of that shit is fake. The sounds are complete B.S., the positions chosen by a director trying for the best shot, the people involved specifically chosen to take what the brain likes and turn it to 11 without any thought as to the consequences. I struggled with porn long before my first sexual experience, but I didn't quit until a year later. I swear on my grave it was like losing my virginity for a second time. All of a sudden I enjoyed it so much more. I was more focused, more passionate, more aware of my partner. No longer did I take forever to finish, and I noticed my partner felt much more confident because of that. I didn't sit around all day watching porn and masturbating, I was getting shit done. Unfortunately, I ended up in a job that greatly exacerbated my ADHD, and I got sucked into political social media which made me increasingly more negative, and I stopped working out, seeing my friends and stopped being happy. Now my gf has gone off to school and we are on a break. I'm ok with the break, we're only 20, we should have fun and live the college lifestyle before we can't anymore. However, she was my support in my fight against PMO, and now that she's gone I have to build up that support all over again. I believe in myself, I believe in all of you, and I believe in the strength of all the people who are in this fight with us. I will not let porn drag me down again. I will not let porn stop me from becoming who I want to be. I will not let porn alter my moods, or influence my actions, or have any effect upon me other than disgust. I promise this to myself, my family, and my friends. Good luck everyone, we can do it

 

Day 2

Getting better.

I’ve finished the Terry Cruse book Manhood and it is such a good read for nofap. Go check it out. It truly made me feel so much stronger about the whole thing.

Today I’m going to start a completely different kind of book, Meditations by the roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius. For someone like me who is an atheist, and don’t have any no real faith in religion or the supernatural, the spiritual part of building a better life is a real challenge. Asking myself “why” and “what is the point” can sometimes lead into a black vortex of nihilism, and in the past that lead me into depression and suicidal thoughts. I’ve found that philosophy is the closest thing I can find to a good answer to the big questions of life. And Stoic philosophy really resonance with me.

Anyway. Best of luck for everyone else in the fight today.
May we all be hobbits (at least).

 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
(The things that you cannot change are those that have already happened and we better accept them as they are because they were meant to happen in due time and it's our attitude towards them that sets the direction of our lives after that.)

 

Day 218 no PMO. Yesterday was ok but at the end of the day I received some very stressful news from work so I will need to stay focused as I head into a stressful season at work.