The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 2

So far, meditation, cold shower, mental prayer, work. Pretty good day so far. Had some meetings with subordinates of an uncomfortable nature, but instead of dreading it, I just did it.

Looking forward to more reading and then a workout this evening.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

Day 365 Free of Porn Day 293 free of MO!

Last year, before my birthday I swore I would remain porn free for last remaining year in my 20's. After lots of trial and difficulties, I hold my oath fulfilled. By no means does this mean the journey is over, it has only just begun. I've turned 30, I'll think of it as a fresh and clean start in the next decade of my life.

I will leave you with the most recent teaching from the great and wise Marcus Aurelius's, from his Meditations.

"I do my duty: other things, trouble me not; for they are either things without life or things without reason, or things that have rambled and know not the way. "

It is a mindset I am aim to emulate.

Stay strong my friends!

 

Day 3
I couldn't post yesterday because our internet died and only just came back on today.

I've been working all day but I found time go out on a walk with my Mum and I made friends with a cat during that walk, he was just following me the whole way down a street and he ended up sitting on my lap for a bit. Hopefully I can see him again because he was v v v cute and friendly

 

478 days

 

No I don't think the police would ask me to pay money online and get away with a crime just like that.But I have to stop this at any cost who knows one day the actual police turns up .

 

45 days
This time I'll make it to the 90
...well, half way done

 

Day 268

 

Day 23 on my path of reboot.

 

Day 9 complete! Glad to be an Uruk-Hai...but I'll only be content with that for six more days.

I've stuck to my cold shower routine and exercise schedule quite loyally, and I think that's helping. If any of you are unfamiliar with Purity is Possible, I'd also recommend taking a look at that. It's free, online, and has some good psychological and cognitive practices for dealing with urges.

Not much else to say right now. It's not as though I haven't been putting those previous three things into practice on earlier streaks, so I couldn't say for certain why I'm enjoying more success with this one. I'll do everything I can to keep it up, though.

Pope St. John Paul II, pray for us!

 

Day 6 complete!

Doing a hard time to control my thoughts and what I am looking at. I need to take active measures to take care of that, something like a workout.

43 days without porn.

 

Day 16 - Hobbit, The Shire

Last night was a close call with just pure fantasizing, not even touching. But told myself NO! in the end.

 

Day 5

My ex girlfriend has left my life again (starting to become a theme) which made me kinda sad earlier, but I don't care as much now. She doesn't like that I am not vaccinated. The truth is though, this girl always has a problem.

I first met her about 3 or 4 years ago. I really fell in love with her right away, but I know this is mostly because I had such trouble with girls and she was gorgeous. I hadn't been with a girl in like 7 or 8 years at the time because at some point when I was very young I developed a serious phobia of intimacy. I spent some quality time with her and shared a lot with her and the chemicals in my brain and my inexperience said it was really special. She said she would help me work through my fears of sex and pied and stuff (didn't know it was PMO related), but actually ended up largely abandoning me and started making a point of humiliating me in front of friends and stuff.

She honestly went very far with stuff, and I believe she saw I was vulnerable and it was a planned thing to break me and it worked. She did some really bad stuff and tried to manipulate me into thinking I had sexually traumatized her and everything. I got really obsessed with her and earning her love and stuff so it worked. It's a difficult and embarrassing thing to look back on, and it's not the only time something like this has happened.

We did end up together eventually and stupidly I thought that would solve all my problems, but really that was just the beginning of the nightmare... One of the worst decisions I could have ever made was moving in with her. That relationship was a nightmare, and it's also all I really know. I could never even begin to get into how much she screwed me up in a quick forum post, but you get the idea I'm sure.

We had a really nasty breakup and she made me into the villain in a very public way. I was depressed for god knows how long after that... Years really. Not that I wasn't depressed and heartbroken in the years prior, but this added a ton to that.

Anyway, I think she takes issue with the fact that she has less power over me. I think she probably wants me to chase her approval, but I won't. She deleted me on snapchat again, but last time she did this she just added me back after a couple weeks. She wanted me to chase her down.

I'm tired. I won't bother reading over this to see if I made sense... It just is what it is today. The main thing is that I was consistent yet again in doing my routine, although I forgot to brush my teeth which isn't good.

 

Day 19

 

Day 261 no PMO. Good day. The stress at work caused me to get a lot of work done so I am feeling pretty good about my current situation. Playing golf with a good friend today.

 

494 days high king
560 days semen retention

 

99 days !

 

Day 1

Holy hell I hate the first 72 hours. But I’ve made it.

I would have never been able to do any off this without this community. Thank you all.

 

Day 21 - Hobbit

The mini golf thing went well. I don’t know why I got so in my head about it yesterday morning. Part of me thinks I wanted control of my evening and I felt like I didn’t have any. My relationship with the coworker I was having issues with has stabilized. Im still keeping some distance, but I ask him questions if I need help with stuff. He knows more than me about the job, and I think he likes it that way. If he makes comments that put me down, I just put a neutral expression on. Before I would go along with it and say something self-deprecating, but the brunt of the joke always ended up on me somehow even when I tried to have a good sense of humor. I’m not gonna let him keep pushing me down to give himself a sense of superiority. If I simply don’t react, he doesn’t get the emotional rise he wanted.

I’m very tired, but it is Wednesday, my dudes. I’m gonna get Mediterranean tonight, it seems like that’s a weekly routine for me now. I stopped exercising daily this past weekend, think I will try to get back on that horse tonight. No urges last night, too exhausted. Peace and love everyone, hope you’re day is good.

 

Day 24 on my path of reboot.

 

Day 2