I developed that addiction when I was young and single. It became hard to kick once I got a g/f and then even as a wife. Being or feeling understood or desired is powerful. Your future self will thank you if you quit.
Things are deepening with my new partner, with it more chance to see layers of ego playing out, ego wanting control, wanting certainty, wanting attention, learning the meaning of paul statements Dying Daily more and more. The thought of porn doest cross the mind almost ever, it is amazing how the addiction can actually be whipped out, im sure the tendencies can appear any moment but the urge and desire is dropped from the conscious awareness entirely.
My CURRENT Sobriety Date is 2022-01-12. I'm going to keep track of my progress as such from now on… ORIGINAL sobriety date: 2021-12-27 @ 0000. CURRENT sobriety date: 2022-01-12 @ 0530. Current sober day PROPORTION: 15 of 17 days since my ORIGINAL sobriety date (88.23%). Reset PROGRESS: Total resets (Since ORIGINAL sobriety date): 2 Reset AVERAGE (since ORIGINAL sobriety date): 2/month Resets in last 30 days: 2 BREAKDOWN of my system: ORIGINAL sobriety date: The day I started tracking my progress in this way. This date will NEVER change. CURRENT sobriety date: The last time I did P&M. This date will hopefully never change—but it might. Current sober day PROPORTION: The number of days I have refrained from using P&M since my ORIGINAL sobriety date in proportion to the total amount of days that have passed since my ORIGINAL sobriety date. In this case, my current proportion is 15 of 17 days or 88.23% of the days that I have refrained from the use of P&M since 2021-12-27. RESET PROGRESS: I want to keep this stat because as my sobriety grows stronger and more established, the number of resets in LAST 30 DAYS will be lower than the Reset AVERAGE and I will be able to see that. The total number of times I have reset since my ORIGINAL sobriety date (in this case it is 2). Reset AVERAGE (since ORIGINAL sobriety date): Shows the average number of times (per 30 days) that I have reset, dating back to my ORIGINAL sobriety date. Resets in LAST 30 DAYS: Shows the number of times I have reset in the last 30 days. Although it is my intention to remain sober from P&M COUNTINUOUSLY from this moment forward in my life, I have seen over many years that I have slipped up and not hit the mark. I know for me that shame is part of the addiction and relapse cycle. In tracking my progress this way, I am trying to move away from that shame and give myself a more comprehensive way at looking at my progress. I have some addict tendencies, so I know that I have the potential to look at this way of tracking my progress as an “out” to maintaining CONTINUOUS sobriety, however that is not my intention for creating this tracking method. In short form, my sobriety progress (as opposed to sobriety date) update will look like this: ORIGINAL sobriety date: 2021-12-27 @ 0000. CURRENT sobriety date: 2022-01-12 @ 0530. Sober day PROPORTION: 15 of 17 days. 88.23% Reset AVERAGE (per 30 days): 2 Resets in LAST 30 DAYS: 2
Checking in. I'm at 100% still for this month but there is a long way until the end of January. All in all, things are well.
Sorry, I haven't checked-in in a while. Things are going really well at the moment, currently in talks about marriage with my girlfriend. She's met my parents few times and we're still trying to set up a meet with her parents since her parents lives out of town... met up with her older sister though. So far we've had all the heavy talks about current financial condition, what'll happen after marriage etc. Also as of today, we had a meeting with my uncle who's a Catholic priest to talk about marriage. We decided to stay on 2nd base until we get married, and we've managed to stick to it so far. Before she proposed that i am actually planning (hoping) to be able to wait until marriage until i do it with her... At the moment i know that my death grip is gone (checked it when i reset after 45 days), regarding PIED, i would love to think that its gone as well based on its condition every time we're making out... i really hope by the time i get married with her i'll be cured of all negative ailments... Initially aiming for 90 days, but now, i would just hope i can stop forever. 1st because i want to be cured of everything by the time i do get married... and 2ndly, having this really amazing gf, i doubt i'll ever need P or M anymore...
I had a few resets in the past week or so. SOBRIETY PROGRESS: 1) ORIGINAL sobriety date: 2021-12-27 @ 0000. 2) CURRENT sobriety date: 2022-01-20 @ 2330. 3) Sober day PROPORTION: 20 of 25 days. 80% 4) Reset AVERAGE: (per 30 days): 6 5) Resets in LAST 30 DAYS: 6
Day 115. I hope you all are doing good! Discussion has kinda dried up in the thread. I would love to see it get going again. I'll update. The last week has been tough on me. I took some medicine that really wiped me out. Plus, work has been tough. My PMO habit was to a degree stress related so my body wants to go back there. I have had some close calls but thankfully I did not PMO.
I have been struggling. About 10-13 days clean, then a week of struggles. Wife and I moved and now adjusting to new routines. I am using some time today to reflect on the life of Thich Naht Hanh. His teachings help me through tough days. I am grateful for the wisdom of teachers like him.
Checking in here. Time goes by fast. I'm still at 100% for January 2022, with no PMO or MO. But I have been looking at P subs and it may be a problem. I guess I'm trying to use P subs as a crutch and it is kind of working so far. Ideally I want to keep P subs to a minimum as a crutch but it isn't working out well to keep it to a minimum so far. I need to keep P subs to a minimum.
Yesterday I was having computer hardware difficulties. I wanted to soothe. I went to look at one and felt the urge. I then told myself “If you do this again, nothing will ever change.” And I resisted. I focused on breathing deeply while resolving the challenge and it helped a lot.
I've been in that situation more times than I care to count. I've learned that PMO doesn't want a little bit of you, it wants all of you. I've found it is not something you can dabble with. Stay strong friend!
checking in... The relationship has been crystalizing beautifully. New challenges with time management and the masculine discipline to set boundaries arising but very well under control. Feeling a sense of equanimity and groundedness. Last week I chose to consciously ejaculate, the rate has been once a month but I like to learn how to bea ble to orgasm without releasing my seeds. That's something im eager to learn.