That is where the problem arises. While studying sexual thoughts come up and it takes a lot of effort to remove those thoughts and come back to studying. How do I fester this energy towards productive ends? And what do you mean by recognition and 'become friends'? Day 7
Day 7 done. I just read the thread in your signature link: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/gratitude-reasons-not-to-pmo.297585/#post-2824946 Some really great reflections there. It's important for me to try and keep connected to the reasons for taking on this often really difficult struggle to leave MP behind. Thanks for expressing so well the negative effects and the hope for changes this can bring.
Acknowledge the energy as something positive that can be used to motivate you, not as something to fight and resist. I've found that when I see urges as the enemy or something negative, I end up engaging in a battle that drains me completely. Its at that point thats I am in danger so instead of fighting, I see the urges as something good to be harnessed and I incorporate them into whatever I do. A fuel to the fire. By becoming friends I meant that I have accepted these urges as a part of life and that they may persist whether I want them to or not, so I choose the use them to my benefit. I am no longer at odds with myself. No more fighting, only temperence. I acknowledge they exist and allow them to. If not, it feels like I am trying to go to sleep with all the lights on. Also I recognize sexual urges as a creative type of energy. I do my best to use it for that. The more energy that I allow to fester and grow, the more I have to direct into whatever activity I am engaged in. I do indeed have times where I struggle and eventually fall. Lately, I am able to say Not Today. I have more say over my actions than I did in the past I hope this was helpful at least a little. Most importantly I do not give myself grief when I give in. In the past I would literally hate myself. Not anymore.
Thanks for the tips. I have not tried deleting a random file every now and then. It's difficult. But I think that's the only way. It will have to be deleted in one way or another. I have gone far into NF before and I believe that I'm capable of letting go of P. It's just that this OCD-like behaviour of collecting has been with me for some time. I don't own a massive amount of stuff, it's very much the opposite actually. But I do tend to have periods where I obess over something/things. Thankfully it's not a massive problem but still a problem. With P it is a massive problem and I will have to figure out a way to handle this. I will think of your recommendations and continue reading other peoples ventings, experiences and thoughts to come up with new ideas. I know a lot of stuff already it's just the mental clearity needs to kick in again. I've been a little out of balance but I can handle this. Periodically I have massive amounts of ideas and insights, especially during NF. It's the best feeling in the world to have that mental clarity and that flow of energy within you, without the urges.
Oh no! I relapsed... Complete semen retention is very challenging. I know I failed and I'm supposed to cry and write a long post as a new member explaining why I relapsed - but I've tried to stop porn on my own and I did expect a few failures. How do I reflect the relapse on my profile? How do the badges work?
26/90- Just before bed, a voice in my head told me to just enjoy myself by watching some 'soft' porn on the Tumblr platform. It said why not. It said that I have been a 3 week streak and a few peeks won't hurt and I don't have to orgasm. For about a 5 minute period, I actually thought about it. I visualized looking at the images of women and the thought about the pleasure of fapping. However, I knew I had to make the right choice and immediately read the vow I had written to myself on May 9th that I would not view porn again. It scares me that just in a moment I can tune in to my 'porn brain' and listen to it trying to tempt me. I have a long way to go before I can say I am free of porn's influence. I am glad I survived yesterday.
