[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 5 of my 90 day challenge. Have a good day everyone!

 

24/90- Right now, I am very emotional. Tears have been trickling down my face. I usually get like this when I go three or so weeks free of PMO. I get to a point where I can't believe I am capable of being free of PMO. Also, I can't believe how much better life is without PMO despite it still having a very strong pull on me. I can 'feel' more and be in touch with my emotions instead of numbing them with porn. Life is simply brighter and I am much more hopeful instead of experiencing suicidal ideations all the time I am steeped in porn binge cycles.

I am setting a few challenges for myself this month below.

June 2022 Challenge
1. Wake up at 5:30 am or earlier every day
2. Engage in learning web development daily (100 hours in aggregate)
3. Run/jog 40 Kms in aggregate:
4. Take Cold Showers Daily
5. Read 4 books cover to cover: Book 1 of 4- Do Epic Shit; Book 2 of 4: Doing The Impossible
6. Complete the recoverynation.com workshop lessons and apply them: Reached Lesson 43
7. Social Media Detox particularly IG, FB, and Tumblr:
8. Use YouTube for 30 mins max daily:
9. Clean my living space daily:
10. 60 Pushups, 60 Crunches Daily:
11. Kickboxing learning and training:
12. Sleep early before 10:30 PM:

 

DAY 26

 

Thank you for your answer I will think more of what you wrote.

Yes I shouldn't be too hard on myself I really need to work on that.

I know that I need to delete all images etc, it's just that I live in the illusion of "it's all that I have". I'm aware that it's all just an illusion but I think I'm escaping from many things with P + MO which then leads to more suffering and the vicious circle goes on an on.
P is emotionless and it never cares about your feelings. All these videos have the righ angles, high definition, the right lightning and so on. That's not real life. I'm not with anybody, I'm just sitting there in loneliness watching someone I don't know. It's just a visual thing, a visual drug.

I am thinking of the right thing to write down and print on paper so that I can watch in every morning and repeat it to myself every day.
Something short but powerful that makes me think differently. It wasn't too difficult making it to day 124. What made it difficult was that I never truly let go of the sexual images that I had stored. I just didn't watch it for 4 months until I had this "idea", and everything went down hill.

It's like my spirit knows P are just useless pixels on a screen and I need to clean my brain from all the dirt and re-program it to see things the way they are. My life is kind of empty right now and has been for a long time. There's always reasons to why we fall back and we need to face those problems instead of escaping the unpleasant feelings that pop up. That's what I need to do.

I definitely agree that most of us really need other people to function. Me included. Where I live people are more reserved quite similar to japanese culture in many ways but without the over-the-top formality. People don't want to get involved in trouble and they just want to live in their bubble. I'm quite the opposite in differents ways and I can't stand this mentality of people having a zombie like state of mind. This has isolated me even more from other people but I've found like minded people here as well it's just that they are hard to find.

Anyway... I need a Plan of how to get from A to B, and from B to C.. and also a Vision of how I want to live my life and where I want to be.. the type of people I'm with and how the best possible version of myself looks like and then play this out as vision in my head. I need that to be able to manifest it as a reality.

I'm grateful for the time that I have now to really think of a way out of this. My situation could have been way worse so I should be more positive.

 

Day 41

 

Day 24


7 August 2022

 

I am familiar with this. Use the energy to propel yourself forward. You are very strong here. This energy source is your greatest asset. Use it to your advantage.

 

Day 1/90

 

1/90

 

Day 3

 

Never ending online searches are much bigger of a problem than the things I've already downloaded.
It's mainly/only the online searches that has lead me to edging by searching for specific looking women, etc,etc.
Do anyone know how to begin in order to let go of downloaded videos or images? I have this gollum-like false sense of security "myy preciouusss!" when it comes to stored P.

I have deleted hundreds of gigs of P before. But then I downloaded it again, and the cycle repeated. I know it's false security. But I did almost never watch any of it as long as I could search for more online P. But when I only had access to that stored P I never did "Edging". So the relapses wasn't as long or as painful as they are with Online P.

I just need to gain more mental clarity so that I can understand more of something that I subconsciously already know, because obviously I know it's not healthy.

Do anyone have any similar experience and do anyone know how to tackle this problem of "collecting" stuff?

I feel, if I had a stable relationship I could still perhaps have this problem. But I would more likely be able to let it go. However, there must be a way of letting go of collected P without replacing it with a stable relationship.
Everything needs to happen at the right order.

 

Day 1

 

There is just one little problem. With the many exams in front of me, I am not able to do a lot of exercises. And when I am trying to study urges are killing me. Still squats, push-ups, and meditation help sometimes. Only need to somehow reduce the frequent build-up of urges.

Any suggestions on what I can do?

 

Anyways day 6. Lets keep on fighting brothers

 

Direct the energy into studying for exams. When I have urges on my mind, I postpone them for as long as I possibly can. I allow them to fester and grow, putting that energy into whatever I am working on. It pays off later on. I do recognize the constant frequency of the urges, which can seem undeniable at times though I believe they will always be there as a part of life. Become friends with them perhaps. Resistance leads to turmoil. Recognition leads to acceptance and peace.

 

Day 0 went well. Day 1

 

Maybe start by deleting one video or better yet 1 GB, if your collection is extensive as it seems to be, a day. Don't even look just click a random file and trash it. If cinematography is something that appeals to you perhaps get a subscription to the Criterion Channel, and start appreciating the camerawork and direction there instead. Worse than P&M being a delusion is that it is taking valuable take and energy away from the work you need to put in to start filling the empty void you feel. A book worth considering reading is Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning". Frankl survived the Nazi death camps, which is a helluva a lot harder to do than kick P&M addiction. I haven't any idea where you live, but perhaps volunteerism could prove useful. Pretty much every society has opportunities for this.
A few mantras that you could repeat upon waking could be something like: "Know better, do better", "Everything is possible", or "I am powerful".
If music helps, here's a banger that is full of them:
Maybe make a vision board since you are visual and creative and use it as inspiration. Maybe include a picture of your spirit animal to remind you of your spirit's desires as opposed to your body's. No one wants to be a slave to impulse.
It also sounds like you need to put some filters on your internet browser. Whatever you are looking for you will never find it in the digital world. Manage your expectations; no woman (or person for that matter), or video is perfect. What security does your collection provide in a tangible sense especially considering it causes you such inner turmoil? A security erected upon weaken ground is bound to collapse; it's just a matter of time. Does your collecting only pertain to sexual imagery or do you collect non-sexual things?
Working on your relationship with yourself will help you in all other relationships you have. I hope you can gain something from my response. Feel free to pm if you'd like.

 

Seems I'm day on 6 today and not yesterday. Silly me; so eager to get ahead of myself. Anyways I managed to at least partially complete some of my goals for yesterday. I did clean up a bit (though not entirely), put a couple plants into the ground (although not all of them), and start reading a new book (I cleared the introduction, but didn't get 50 pages deep like I wished to). I didn't manage to get to bed by midnight (two hours late), but I did wake up relatively early (9:30ish). I took the dogs for a hike, which morphed into more of a jog of at least three miles but possibly as many as five.
Today I intend to clean my bedroom and bathroom. Finally get my last two native plants into the ground. Take the dogs out for a hike within the next hour or so. Read at least 50 pages (fingers crossed for more) and to enjoy the Finals game. Sleep by midnight or shortly thereafter and wake up between 7 and 8 am tomorrow morning.

 

Day 0, cutting out all social media as well to rewire my brain, will update my progress in this thread.

 

Mornings are particularly difficult for me - after I've had a dream just about females - then the wood hits - im currently trying to run and periodically fast to try and get disciplined enough to remain strong. I've never resisted M for longer than a week so ill survive on a grain of rice (jokes not that bad). I just miss lunch actually . Any further advice on how to combat M? We're told it's natural and normal - but for me it just leads to one road....