Yesterday was good, but fairly easy to get through. Spent most of the day driving from SoCal to Mexico for a friend's wedding. I have a big deadline this Tuesday so I'll have spend the day in my room here working. In the past the pressure of the a deadline and the isolation would always trigger PMO. Feeling strong this morning, ready to face the day.
You're in the fight, and winning. Excitement, boredom, stress, success, all triggers for me. I, too, need routine, to sit with the fact that I'm an addict, and that I need use all the tools I have, whether I want to or not, to keep the demon away.
Hi Guys, just back from 10 days meditation and silence program. It was a wonderful experience. And I see have finished my 1 month I am pleasantly surprised about my first step.
Congrats for the birth of your daughter. I found routine helps too - when I started this I made a list the night before of what I was going to do when I got up the next morning. I've let this slip and I think it's a good habit, it gave me a purpose to wake up to.
Thank you for those kind words. I do my best to help others the way others have helped me. I was almost helpless to PMO before I started on this site. Now I am healing a little every day. It takes time. It has its ups and downs. Recovery is worth the time and effort.
Another no PMO day yesterday. Stayed busy and focused on Tuesday's grant deadline for work. I started the day by checking in with this community, and I'm finding it really helps set the tone for the day and has become an important part of remaining active in my own recovery. It's a kind of miracle that all of you amazing people have come together in this way, helping others and in the process helping yourselves. It's definitely helping me and I thank you for it.
Disturbed sleep last night and between sleep cycles my head was full of sexual imagery. Natural imagery, not objectified or pornograpied. This is an interesting line to me. I don't want to deny myself my natural sex drive and desires, so, as I see it at this point, these images are healthy. I think I should experience them, sit in the moment when they occur, feel my sexual energy present itself and let it pass without shutting it down. To shut it down would be avoidance, I think. Crossing the line would be allowing fantasy to take hold of these images and turn them into an edging tool. When that happened, I shut it down. I might revise my opinion on this as I go on, but there's a subtly here that I think it's important to acknowledge.
Hello! If you still want to be added to the group, confirm and I'll add you to the waiting list. In a few days a place will be made.
Check in: September was a better month for not using P than August. I had a lot of work and then a vacation at the end of September. Staying busy and productive helps. Last week I returned to my meditation practice and I feel great doing it again. Focusing during meditation and then applying that other areas of my life (like focusing away from P, lust or negative thoughts) helps a lot.
Looks like depression is visiting me. This is the time I should specially be vigilant. I am keeping myself busy with work. Doing regular exercise in the morning. Meditation etc.. When the depression hits you, the devastation it causes is not unpredictable. Will keep you guys posted.
I've found bouts of depression come and go during recovery. Along with that, I feel low energy as well. I've found if you hang tight it will go away after some time. If you give back in to PMO then the cycle starts all over again. Hang in there!
You're naming it for what it is, that's a great start. I experience depression quite often, and my problem is that when I do, I want to avoid it. I've found this passage helpful: Compassion, which is first of all a willingness to come close to pain: to recognize it, honor it, acknowledge it, and respond to it wisely. This isn’t easy, because just as we want to run from or suppress our own pain, we also want to avoid being with the pain of others. Compassion means sitting with our own pain and that of others." Be compassionate to yourself.
I'm grateful to say that yesterday was free of PMO, although most of it was spent driving. Had an urge to look at Psubs when I got back, but did some reading and checked in here instead. Back to work today. Moving in to a stressful time, need to stay present, focused, and connected.
