35 and older accountability, Group 2

thanks a lot for sharing your experience, the good thing is that slowly, the normal instinct for PM is reseeding.. The meditation course and breathing techniques are helping indeed.
My wife is back from her trip. Hopefully this makes it better..She has been a great support in my life

 

Thanks bro, we practiced exactly this in our meditation course(or and silence retreat) . 10x days were perfect...I didn't expect depression will follow immediately...But this knowledge and practical experience definitely helps.

 

Tried testicular breathing yesterday. Was tempted not to, as it involves tense/release of pelvic floor muscles, which I've avoiding doing since my reboot, but it seems to have worked to move stagnant energy around. I feel more alert and lighter today. I did have to get through an aroused state from initial engagement of those muscles though, so there was jeopardy involved. I'm grateful to have been able to sit with and through the intensity of that moment. Might get back to doing kegal exercises now that I've broken that barrier.
Now starting Day 26 and looking forward to hitting Day 30 in a few days time. Am conscious the days ahead may be difficult, am sure I've read many men relapse in the run up to day 30. I'm experiencing a duality of feeling very centered and very animalistic.

 

Starting the day with some exercise, then meditation. The rest of the day will be stressful with a lot of anxiety triggers that are work-related. Have a therapist appointment at 5pm, I'm hopeful that will help get tme hrough.

 

Starting with meditation and ending with a therapist appointment. That’s a good bookend for a successful day of honesty and reflection.

 

Still no PMO. Played tennis yesterday morning and had a productive session with my therapist. Didn't meditate. Today will be challenging. There's a really stressful, anxiety producing situation at work that I won't be able to get handle on until later in the afternoon. When I'm this anxious it's difficult to meditate. Will try to at least stay mindful and shut down any thinking, or "good ideas" that usually lead to PMO.

 

day 10. The last 10 have flown by tbh.

 

Spectacular wood this morning. 100% natural. Body rebooting beautifully

 

You're doing so well mate, I'm proud of you

 

Thank you brother.

 

Feeling a little unsettled this morning. It's my younger son's birthday (23), and I'm feeling super nostalgic about his childhood, and the past in general. I should be feeling happy and grateful that he's well and on good path toward his future, and I am. Just like an addict to be making this about me. Busy day today, so that's good. Need to focus on my intention to be free of P, to be honest and accountable.

 

I am coming up on one month again and feeling good. With daughter #3 now only a week old there has been no time at all to get distracted with p or m.


My thoughts this week, since I have so little of it, have been about time. Time and love. I’m becoming even more convinced that truly loving other human beings depends on a generosity with one’s time. What I mean is that I can’t ever be there for another person if I’m always spending time on pleasurable things. Right now, I’m holding a sleeping baby in the dark so she can sleep and my wife can bathe our other children. I am not just doing this. I’m also NOT doing something I might at some instinctual level want more, like working out, playing a game, going somewhere fun, or, for that matter p or m. So there is this obvious way that time = love. But there is also I think a less obvious and more insidious way. When I’m actively using p and m, or anything for that matter, I enter a mindset of saving time, or time hoarding. In this mindset, I say no a lot for the supposed reason that I just don’t feel like I have enough time. The real reason, though, is that I’m banking that time for later. Today, I had the wonderful opportunity to meet up with a former sponsee in my AA program. I could have said, sorry, just had a baby, wife has mastitis, maybe some other time. Instead, because right now, despite all these responsibilities, I am not in a sexually addictive frame of mind, I said yes. And it turned out he really needed a person. This week I’m grateful that I have the grace to give of myself because I’m not obsessed with taking time for myself. Every day I don’t spend time on P or M I feel like I’m training myself in the art if love. Thanks for helping me do this.

 

Love the honesty.

 

Nice work. Keep it up!!!

 

Agreed. Milestones are actually a challenge I find. They inspire others, I know, but feeling like I need a reward never leads to good things. Great work accepting your impulses and letting these things play out without engaging your thoughts.

 

Thanks for sharing this. Keeping to routines like this has been so important when this happens to me. You’re doing all the right things.

 

Great work redirecting. I find redirecting to the beauty of what’s around me and what I’m grateful for makes a big difference.

 

Great to hear I’m not alone in this. I never thought about this before, but routine does seem to clear my head so I can more easily spot the problem thoughts and impulses.

 

Lost it yesterday evening. Came home, had the house to myself. Drank too much. Starting searching for Psub images on social. Didn't MO, but the behavior definitely calls for a re-set. Trying not to beat myself up this morning, but feeling pretty shitty.

I've said it before, but I shouldn't drink either. Especially alone.

 

Checking In.

Unfortunately I just reset with PMO. I feel like I should have easily been able to avoid it the last two times (and more) but I've allowed myself to fail again.

I did fall out of my good routine and habits. Then I found myself alone, lonely (for female companionship). I have also been having some thoughts and fantasies which I normally haven't had for a while. I was also online alone and late, not too tired but it seems I need to avoid being online alone and late at all costs. It has happened to me probably thousands of times now. I'm online alone, it's late, I'm probably tired and one thing leads to another. Probably starts with P subs but I end up with PMO or worse with binging.

I also forgot about my goals (setting and remembering my short term goals has help a lot in the past). My goal was to be 100% PMO free for October. Now I've failed at that. But I can still have a higher percentage (based on the system in my signature) if I can avoid anymore for October. It seems my mind was fatigued. I believe if I remembered my goal I may have walked away. But somehow in my forgetful and somewhat clouded mind, I thought P or PMO seemed like a good idea.

I've found that when I reset last time, when I immediately got back closer to all my good habits/routines, I was able to avoid anymore chaser kind of failures.

I'm feeling disappointed in myself as I write this. My strong desire is to move forward and get this failure far behind me. I want to get as many days on my counter as possible and I want to finish October with no more failures.