Thank you. Every time I edit my signature, my counter disappears and I have to update my counter to make it come back. Thanks for reminder!
Yes, the same thing happens to me. Even sometimes without updating the signature, the counter still disappears... forum mysteries!
It is no coincidence that the level of boredom that a person experiences is directly proportional to the chances of relapsing into an addiction. Boredom is one of the feelings that seems to push us to PM. But boredom isn't necessarily bad. We must consider that getting bored can be positive. Boredom can foster creativity, since it stimulates the brain to seek original alternatives to escape from that state of discomfort. Boredom also gives the brain “rest” since it activates what is known as the “default neural network”, the same one we use when we daydream. We will have to be brave to "get bored" without falling into despair.
Been Ok. Urges not a major issue. Trying to turn positive lifestyle choices (exercise, meditation, open and honest communication, recovery podcasts) into daily habits. since last reset: 5 days exercise 6 day meditation
I am very ashamed to have fallen again, because I was doing very well. The trigger was an erotic dream I had yesterday and it ignited the desire in such a way that I didn't know how to escape (or I didn't want to, I don't know). I would like to give you better news but it is best to be honest in these cases... Here I am, back at ground zero. But I'm not giving up, so here we go.
Just a quick update from me. The baby-care leave from work continues. It's viruses galore over here this winter. That said, I'm still at least finding the time to take care of myself: I'm eating right, lifting weights, and have even clawed back the time for a swim one night a week. The positive plans for spending free time I'm hearing here are motivating me quite a bit. Thanks all.
We are here for you brother. Any thoughts on what you could have done differently? My check in: Back from a work trip. It was a calm and steady work trip. There were opportunities to fantasize but I stayed focused, present. I’ve been in my recovery zone the last few weeks and it was really important to be there given how work trip can make it easy to slip. Knowing that my wife and I are trying to improve intimacy is giving me something to “wait for.” I have been able to see for the most part that each time I PMO, I am taking from my wife and that is a choice I am making. I’m at 30 days now and eager to keep this going.
Day 206 Waking up I want to share a thought I had yesterday. I was laying down for a few minutes. I guess I must have taken about a 15 minute nap. Once a noise woke me I felt much like I did approx 10 years ago while I was actually doing something with my life and before PMO really got dug in. It felt like the last 10 years was just all a dream(or a nightmare) and I had woke from it. I believe the thing that generated this feeling the most is my return to bodybuilding which was 15 days ago. Since I have been on this forum, I have taken stabs at it but for the last 15 days, I have been serious and dedicated. I started doing what I loved! At the same time, I have not been doing something I hate and that is PMO. As I have shared many times, it is so difficult for me to go back and piece together a timeline. The last 10 years of my life have had a handful of events that are burned into my mind but so much of that 10 years is foggy. I kept detailed bodybuilding records so I am able to see that it was in fact about 10 years ago that I fizzled in my bodybuilding. I can also say that in the last 10 years PMO got and stayed really out of control. I can also say that in that 10 years as PMO got worse, I gave up one by one all the things I enjoyed doing and done more of what it was that I hated; PMO. In that moment in time when I woke up yesterday it was like the last 10 years never happened and I picked right up where I left off or when I went to sleep. I guess one could say that I have been asleep for the last 10 years and I am finally waking up. It is hard to believe it has been 10 years but I am sure glad it was not any longer!
The relationship is back to intimacy and connection. Closer than ever. I recognized my previous situation was my own unwillingness to commit to my partner at a deeper level and there is room for me to be more clear on boundaries and invest more in our relationship coach to continue evolving deeper. Each day praying for humility and willingness to be an instrument for Grace to help me not go back to my old ways, I know i am always one slip away. Learning to keeping God in my consciousness alive as often as possible.
Still doing well. Been sick this week so haven’t felt any urges. I do need to be mindful that coming out of being sick has been a time of relapse for me before so I need to get back to my routines once I’m over this.
Thank you! What a good question... This addiction is closely related to my desire to be recognized, the desire to escape from unpleasant or difficult situations, to the lack of clarity in my next projects. I think I'm going to have to pay attention to those areas, which feed or give opportunity to PM consumption. I also need to get back to being more realistic about what PM produces, and not take a patronizing view. And don't be afraid of effort! Thank you for the opportunity to discuss this. It's humiliating and embarrassing, but necessary. See you!
I've just done a cleanup of the ranking of post 1, removing the participants who haven't participated for months. Now the update will be easier. There is room for new members, as long as they agree to participate at least weekly, because only then is accountability effective. Thank you for the valuable advice and life testimonials you share, they are of immense value! Blessings! Any of the eliminated members can request re-entry, we would like to see them active again!
Hi all, First of all, would be great to be part of this group. I’m not ready to have direct accounting partner or phone calls yet. A group seems to be a good fit to get started in my case. I’m 40 years old, married, with two little kids, with (hold tight) an addition of 25 years. Quarter of a century to make it sound what it is, but it’s never too late to get back to life. I’m taking the addiction as well as the therapy to get out of it very seriously. 25 years leave some heavy bridges that can’t be burned down over night. No half-backed methods or handful motivational speeches can turn around what habits, biology and chemicals have paved in countless occurrences. I started recently to do dopamine fasting, with some great result that made me document myself more about this topic. Just received my next book on that this midday and can’t wait to read it. For those interested, she is Chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic at Stanford University. Learning about the mechanisms that trick our brain taught me very valuable lessons. Knowing your enemy, ... My manifest (in its current first draft version February 2023), based on my own experience. Source issue As a 15 years old boy, you have seen more naked women then King Salomon did in his entire life. Our brain and our reward system are not prepared and can’t cope with it, they get corrupted. Additionally pornography is not a conversation opener and usually kept in secret. Nobody gave you advice, nobody knew it, there were no limits, no warnings, no stop signs to slow you down. It took almost 20 years to learn that this means in return, it is a disease. A extremely important concept, because dopamine depleting, and the shame and depression that follow ,after PMO far too often make believe it’s one’s own fault, a weakness, an abnormality. Treating it as what it is, a disease, is what opens to therapy treatment and have guilty feelings removed from the equation. Habits Addictions don’t come from bad habits. For sure it can be agreed that exploring the internet as a teenager naively is not a habit. Once the addiction saddles in , that’s when bad habits get established. Spending the time, finding excuses, letting opportunities slip,etc… it’s then a routine, but driven by the addiction, not the other way round. Defense lines A 100% safe barrier, doesn’t exist. In a sexualized world, you can’t avoid seeing attractive women in ads, on the news, … Plus, life is not a straight line, and it’s in the dark hours where will is low. But these 3 barriers are the ones I use to prepare the best: 1. Remove temptation wherever possible. That is installing addons to block all porn sites in the browser, having the PC in a different room, password protected,etc. This lowers greatly the dopamine, a top tip! 2. As soon as a urge, in it’s most initial possible state arises, throw the thoughts dramatically over. No time to run to the gym, no time to read this manifest,…kill it in the first millisecond. Recite a large poem, your favorite song,… then longer it takes you to react, then more ground in the battle field is lost 3. And if it has gone further then it should have, the urge made you jump all fences, the finger on the trigger,…make it unpleasant at any cost. Don’t make your brain learn it is rewarding to jump fences. A cold shower, eating a hot dill pickle,…get creative. Discipline Without extending all the lost attempts to make this not too wordy, the only thing that worked for me is discipline. Crude and strict discipline. I want to pay respect at this point to everyone in this group who had the courage to stay honest and share their relapse. You are not starting at 0, you just learned to make it better. Learning Understanding the mechanisms, this machine in your head, and how everything is connected, is a enormous win. Dots finally can be connected together, and seen so much science and studies behind all this, give great confidence. Goal I suffer ever since I have this addiction from brain fog, a constant "this is a dream" feeling, like standing next to me, without being there. If I could remove that fog, I would live again to the fullest. Enjoy the small things and feel it as pure as life truly is. Rome wasn't built in a day, but they built it every single day!
Welcome to the forum. This is one great post! I started viewing P about 11 and then spent about 25 years PMO. You are not alone. It looks like you are determined to quit and you are reaching for every tool you can to beat this addiction. I look forward to following your journey.
Welcome to the group @Back2BestOfMe , you are already in the ranking of post 1! And thanks for your first post where you introduce yourself and set the guidelines to combat addiction.
