100 Cold Approaches

Did some approaches today but I'm only going to add 1 to the challenge (most of them were on the street but some of the interactions were just too short).

I also had some conversations with female employees again (not counting these but maybe worth mentioning). One was with a cashier. The other one was with a girl that works in an electronics shop. That conversation passed (I think) the mark of 10 mins where the conversation became more laid back. I proposed if she wanted to grab a coffee sometime but she rejected. Maybe because her colleagues were around but I'm not going to be a prideful man and say that I'm sure she would have bitten if she was alone, I'm glad I asked it nonetheless. I also had another chat that was pretty long with my hotel receptionist. It's a nice feeling to open up a girl, chat a bit and then - before you know it - she is comfortable and doing all the talking and you are just listening (for the record, it went beyond the opener). These chats are a great way to train eye contact, become more aware of your tonality/body language, etc.

It's definitely getting easier to have casual conversations with girls. All the approaches in this thread (even the most petty ones) have added up and made me more at ease having a little talk with an attractive woman (something I would have deemed impossible before). The general overview is that my social skills and confidence are growing which are some nice developments that I welcome with open arms.

Total: 49/100

Well, if I want to end up with a girl, don't I have to initiate some sort of contact with her in order to establish something? And isn't that basically what I'm trying to do with this challenge (although most of the interactions lead to nowhere), i.e. taking the first step to meet a girl/trying to talk with her? It may sound 'weird' that I (hypothetically) will need to approach dozens/hundreds/thousands of girls in order to find one I can 'end up with'. It's just a numbers game, nothing more. Will the girl care? First of all I don't really care what goes through a woman's mind too much. Like DBD mentioned, the goal is to get comfortable chatting up girls. Having worries about 'what a girl may think because I have done this' is the least of my interest.

I admire the fact that you just can walk up to a girl and say you like her. I'm definitely flirting with the idea to switch gears once in a while and just do some direct approaches in the future, just to see what happens. Or by just showing my interest much clearer once I entered her world.

I think my objection would be more of a pragmatic nature. I doubt that the conversation would be long: if I open up and say that I like her, the moment for her to decide (give number or reject) is immediately on the table, no? Isn't it a bit overwhelming to immediately cut to the chase without a degree of casual exchange? Sure, you may say that these are irrational thoughts/worries that we have to break free from from and I do think it's praiseworthy to just be completely honest. But I don't see how conversational skills can add much value here as it's immediately the 'take it or leave it' vibe whilst with being indirect you can first lower her safeguard by being able to discuss a triviality (asking her opinion etc.). I'm just curious on how you have a conversation about the fact that you are interested in a girl you don't know? Sure I can keep giving compliments and saying how beautiful she is to stretch the time, but will that really make her warm?

That being said, I do think that game is more about a combination with action and luck. So yeah, if you can open up with a girl that happens to be looking for a man or you happen to be her type, it's not illogical that direct game can work wonders if you are consistent enough.

But anyways, keep doing what you are doing man!

 

I'm also addressing @Spirituss' comment.

I agree that seducing girls during their work hours is not the best strategy. Like you said, they are in 'work mode' and it would be inappropriate towards their superior and coworkers if they hand their digits to a client/stranger. Although a week ago it happened that a girl randomly asked for my Instagram (not that I have that) during a chat when she was in her work mode (she was alone though).

Compare it with the practice range of golf: you are just hitting balls to refine and correct your swing but there is no teeing range/hole that you can aim for. For me, it's a good exercise to chat up cute girls during their work even though I know it's unlikely that she will give her number if I ask (that's the reason why I'm not counting these under the 100). It's an innocent and natural way to get more comfortable talking to the other sex.

"Be in line with your values" and "expressing your deepest vulnerabilities": sure, by all means. But can that motivate the average Joe to go out and talk with girls?

I think the idea of having little innocent chats with girls during the day is easier for the brain to encompass than "expressing yourself". The latter can be a bit too much of an abstraction for the male mind to digest. One of the biggest psychological hurdles that refrains men from approaching is that they don't know what to say to a woman. If you tell a man who has zero experience with women to just go out and express his emotions, whilst sprinkling that message with some stoic verbiage, will that really make the idea of initiating contacts with girls more bearable?

 

I opened up with one group of 2 girls today, but it was just a simple touristic question that didn't involve a substantive chat... I'm going to count that as 1 because even these 'formal approaches' can be hard for me as they do invoke some fear in anticipation of opening. This challenge started with approaches like this where sometimes it was possible to have a normal conversation going on.

Total: 50/100

 

4 approaches today

One was on the bus. I sat next to a girl (pathway in between) and opened up with her and was able to have a chat for roughly 20 mins until someone sat next to her, which blocked the interaction (I didn't went out of my way to keep the conversation going nor did I approached her again after debarking at the final bus station).

I did a few others in the city asking for directions and places to eat. With some girls I had a bit of a chat but it didn't entail an exchange of digits. I approached a group of 3 girls and one looked interested but I was too afraid to ask her if she wants to hang out sometime... Maybe I let my ego dictate my (lack of) actions too much ("You'll look like a fool!"). I don't like the streets too much as a place to 'connect' with a random woman but it's great for practice. You're putting yourself in a situation that is not comfortable (people look at you) but that is what makes you strong.

I'll try to do some more tomorrow, maybe in other venues like coffee shops, malls, grocery shops, book stores, etc.

Total: 54/100

You are always welcome to share your own experiences. However, this thread is in fact meant for discussing cold approaches (i.e. talking to women you don't know in real life), not online dating. I think there are specific threads for that. I'm not sure how you would qualify an 'online cold approach' ("I just did 10 swipes today!")?

 

Did 3 approaches today

Two of them were in the coffee shop. One was asking a girl the Wifi-code of the place... She looked kind of open and looked at me several times but I didn't manage to strike a conversation after that boring question... Conversational skills need some work although I feel improvement after a few dozens of cold approaches.

I opened up with another - this time cuter - girl (from my same seat in the coffee shop as the first approach, the other girl witnessed this) in the coffee shop. She was leaving and I asked her if her laptop was any good. I tried to strike up a conversation by stating that my laptop is too big and that the batteries die very fast and that it's a burden when travelling so I'm looking for a new one. I ran out of things to say although she wasn't bitchy or gave me a 'don't talk to me' vibe.

The third one was a girl who works in a souvenir shop. Although I usually don't count chats with female staff members under the 100, I will in this case because the chat was like 20-30 mins (I'm not sure, interactions with girls always feel longer than they usually are, but I can say with confidence that it was longer than 15 mins). It just started with a boring insincere question if she had a particular type of keychain in her shop. The conversation took a personal direction pretty fast (asking me if I'm dating or how I usually meet girls). The girl opened up pretty easily and made it easy for me as from a certain point, she was doing all the talking. I have her number. She was alone though and she probably wouldn't have opened up in such a personal way if there were coworkers around (let alone giving her number).

Questions may arise as:

"But SC, aren't your openers too indirect? How are you able to communicate your romantic intentions when you are acting like a puzzled consumer who is doing a product research about laptops?"

Note that these openers aren't meant to build attraction. They are merely a way to make a presence in the girl's world by breaking the ice (i.e. from going to a total stranger/nobody to a stranger who isn't a weirdo but just wants to know something). After inquiring for information, it becomes clear pretty fast that I want to have a chat with her which will make her 70% sure I want to get intimate with her. The art lies in being able to keep the conversation going so you can build a connection, thus increasing your chance of getting a date. I'm still a novice so take it with a grain of salt! I see reality through my eyes, you may see reality differently.

Total: 57/100

 

4 approaches today

All were boring interactions without a degree of casual discussion. You could say that no 'game' was involved.

One was in the grocery store where I opened up with a woman asking her opinion about different kinds of honey.

The other one was in the drugstore/cosmetic shop where I asked a girl's opinion on a certain effervescent tablet...

The 2 others were on the street.

Negative thoughts haunted me today. This challenge is pretty frustrating as I tend to put pressure on myself when I'm walking down the street and I see pretty girls but I don't approach. Sure, I'm glad that at least I opened up with some girls but in most cases my actions aren't in line with the opportunities. I think I have a pretty analytical mind that is sensitive to negative thoughts/stimuli (analysis paralysis) so I always tend to overthink and take the path of the least resistance, i.e. inaction.

It becomes even more frustrating when a girl makes eye contact but I fail to act. This is like not putting the bucket outside when it's raining gold because you are too lazy to do that (eye contact doesn't mean interest per se but it's a good indicator...).

That being sad, I am grateful about every approach I did so far. Because every single approach was an opportunity to learn - no matter how mundane or short the interaction. I really see this as a learning process where mistakes, frustration, doubt and other negative emotions are part and parcel of the journey. When I use my voice box to open up with a girl in - for example - the grocery shop then I already did something that is way beyond my comfort zone. It may sound lame to the hyperconfident direct gamesmen, for me it's already a big step toward the direction of getting more out of this life.

Total: 61/100

 

It's pretty hard isn't it? The contemplation of an approach can really put you in a flight-or-flee mode where even getting bitten by a lion is a more desirable outcome. I even have a theory that if you put the average man without a GPS/smartphone in a city that is like a labyrinth with only hot girls whom he can ask the way, he rather just walk for hours getting lost rather than asking for the way!

What I have learned so far and which can be relevant concerning your objection: after the approach is done (even if my game was weak or she wasn't open), it's not that bad and all the anxiety that it encompasses is really a bad trick your brain is trying to play on you. The anticipation of the approach is really the worst... To be honest, I don't think that approach anxiety can (only) be addressed with stoic maxims. Sometimes you just have to embrace the cold water and jump into the pool instead of 'going deep into your thoughts'.

The few numbers I got in Hungary led to nowhere.

I texted the girl I kissed around the 40th approach mark to meet for a coffee but she isn't in the city because she is studying for her exams.

Today I texted the girl of the souvenir shop I met yesterday and she answered a few moments ago before writing this answer on your post. Anyways, I'm keeping the expectations as low as zero because if I put all my chips on this one girl, I will get pretty frustrated if she suddenly flakes (I find that this is the best mindset).

So yeah, I can't say I have materialized the (maybe a handful?) numbers into dates. I had 2 same day dates from this challenge. For now I'm keeping the numbers in my phone and I will make a 'data sheet' when I'm finishing the challenge.

It's funny though that I have made some male friends (locals where I'm now living) because of this. Not through cold approaching the girls, but just by being more at ease with opening up with a strangers and striking up a casual conversation, even using the same openers (although with the men it's sincere).

By the way, I now remember I did another approach today, also on the street (in a park technically). I tried to ramble/chat her up after asking her for the way but she said that she is late for work. I'm not going to edit the counter though.