(25m) cam streamin addict

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Defytheodds, Sep 10, 2019.

  1. Defytheodds

    Defytheodds Fapstronaut

    Hello nofap,
    I always had a porn and masturbation addiction for 10 years now, the last 3 to 4 years it became a daily thing if there is something I do every day without missin it, is masturbating to porn.
    • now recently I discovered a cam website (which i won't tell the name) that I got addicted to (the Brightside is that I didn't watch pornsites since) I stay awake all night till the afternoon, fapping on camera and people watching me, some are girls others boys (i'am straight), i would receive compliments from some , even tips .
    it's weird because I don't like it, but i still do it , its frustrating, i feel uncomplete, i always feel bad at the end of every session, but i can't stop , i don't know what to do .
    i could use all that wasted on cam, making my own projects reality and live a better life. but my brain would always ignore that , and do what ever ...(porn , videogames , etc...)
    i feel like if i dont get my shit together , i would ruin it for myself and everyone that loves me .
    • i need to stop , but what can i do to replace the feeling that provides all of it (porn,videogames)? i wouldnt stay awake all night long doing some serious work that would make my life way better... but fappin all night for nothing, really does matter to my brain apparently.
    Excuse my long post, my brain is all over the place, I lot of thinks I wanna share but no one would keep reading my poor writings, so thank u if u kept reading, and please show me the way .
     
  2. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    As a camsite watcher-addict who quit this week, I want to apologize to you, and others on cams. I took advantage of you, saw you only as fuel for my fapping, and kept you camming with tips or compliments. Later I justified it by only clicking on people who didn't accept tips, 'exhibitionists', as one site called it. I fooled myself by thinking that I'm not feeding the porn industry, that the performer likes doing this. Hearing the truth from you makes me ashamed of myself. Thanks for your inside story. By watching cams, I was preying on other souls who, through weakness or lust, chose this as their way to escape. So, as a stand-in for everyone out there on cams, gimme one more second of your time. I mean this when I ask it - can you please forgive me?
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019
  3. DerSchütze

    DerSchütze Fapstronaut

    Well, it's a good thing you came here. What hobbies do you have? What strategies do you have in mind to stop this behavior?
     
  4. A good start would be forgiving yourself and trying to live a better life. That’s what I’m trying to do.
     
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  5. Defytheodds

    Defytheodds Fapstronaut

    First, I want to thank you for taking the time to respond. reading your answer, I'm guilty of it as i do tip others too, i know how satisfied you feel when others acknowledge you and make you feel special but as you know the whole industry is focused essentially on money (i see girls camming who are pregnant or addicts ...) ... we are only human, we have our strengths and weaknesses, we can only blame ourselves or society .
    till now i couldn't stop doing it, to be honest, i let myself go for a long time now .. it's very hard for me to give up on my toxic routine.. (stay at home , fap , games , videos , junkfood)
    but i wanna thank you for being honest and open about it , and to answer your question: yes i honestly forgive you , and i hope you'll forgive me too ..
    thanks again, kind sir!
    ps: sorry for late response
     
    IntegralSoul likes this.
  6. Defytheodds

    Defytheodds Fapstronaut

    Thanks your answer!
    Well my hobbies pretty much despaired, i used to dance, workout, parkour but none of it now , think is i lost interest in what made happy once , now my hobby would be fappin to be honest ..
    strategies a pretty obvious when said but hard for me to apply , i tought about waking up earlier , have healthy meals 3 times a day , starting working out in a park (i dont like gyms that much dunno..) travel somewhere close but different. but first i should be able to stand for myself (financially and physically)
     
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  7. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    That's what I needed to hear - thanks so much! :emoji_pray: My heart is lighter now. In return, I completely forgive you, my friend! All is good between us and I know that you have a bigger heart and good intentions. :emoji_raised_hands:

    What put me on this path was a personal growth book chapter on addictions.The author said that when we watch porn we are preying on weaker souls. When we have casual sex, we are doing the same, even if the other person is sex-mad and wants it. (Two weak souls, using each other.) Because I always tell myself that I'm a nice person and would never hurt anyone, the thought that I'm preying on souls, like a vampire, struck me hard. I had already started to feel guilty watching porn and told myself that cam sites are not as bad. Delusional dude here. But your post hit me over the head like a club. But a good kind of club.

    No worries about being late! Keep going on the journey you've started here:emoji_rocket: If you ever need supportive words, ask me. G
     
  8. Hi there,

    Cams brought me here also. I know for me personally, I have to keep engaging with NoFap and doing these things in order to rewire my neurological brain. I’m beginning to discover how valuable hobbies and interests can be, I think they go hand and hand with a successful reboot, anything to keep myself in check. Not to mention I actually have more free time because I'm not constantly in that state. Part of my problem was I would spend hours meticulously browsing cam models, sometime until I would crash. Outside activities are really healthy too. Staying off the computer for longer, and doing things that require some skill. Easier said than done, but it's a good start.
     
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  9. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    You are correct, sir! One 500+ day guy advised me on my Day 1 to flood my mind with NoFap info both here and on YouTube. Totally right! I'm doing just that, making up for lost hours in PMO, but also making up for my total lack of knowledge about porn addiction, NoFap community, etc!
    I'm with you on keeping busy, having diverse things to do. Recently I started making my own yogurt, sauerkraut, and kombucha at home. All the fermented stuff that is good for gut health. I want to try beer making but it involves special supplies and $$$.
    Good luck on this journey!
     
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  10. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    Hey there! I just looked at your old posts. You started in 2017 and again on 7 Sept 2019. You're now on Day 0. Is that one relapse, more, daily? You're not being very accountable and visible if we can't follow that journey with you. But more importantly, you're not that accountable with yourself, in terms of actions. I've got a couple of suggestions. Go to the Forums > Reboot Logs, choose your age group, and start a daily reboot journal on what what you've done / not done, how you feel. If you slip up, post in Reset and Relapse reports. You've made a good start by telling some deep truths about yourself here. It's painful for me to read, but I know that with more investment in this site, more connections with people, you can take this forward one step at a time! :emoji_footprints:
     
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  11. Defytheodds

    Defytheodds Fapstronaut

    You are absolutely right about what you said , i relapsed today again , i'm having a hard time controling my self . thank you for your advice , i'v never done it so i'll try and follow on them ! thank you again !
     
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  12. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    Good job! Now you're like the rest of us, exposing your ups and our downs. Two more things you gotta do for me: 1) Revise your name so the word 'weak' is not there. Don't define yourself with that! 2) Choose an image for your thumbnail. Who or what is powerful for you? An eagle? A superhero? The more extreme (i.e. from your present state) the better.
    Be who you want to be here, soldier/warrior/boxer/eagle/lion!
    FYI, it's my first time quitting PMO too. Step by step...
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
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  13. Defytheodds

    Defytheodds Fapstronaut

    Thank you very much for your support , i will do that right away , I'm also starting my journal
     
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  14. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    Good man! Looking forward to your new branding image.
     
  15. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    Hey you changed your name, image, and wow - 11 days of sobriety. It's good to see that progress.
     
  16. I also enjoyed being on cam. Never for money, mostly skype caming with other guys although im not gay either. It was easier to find guys willing to do it amd it added a real human factor in that porn didnt for me. The skype thing was the hardest thing for me to quit. And i woukd spend literally hours then feel regret for all the time i wasted.
    I had to find something else to occuppy my time i enfused nofap with a lifestyle change. Started getting up 2 hours earlier to work out/exercise, startes eating and drinking clean as well. So now i have more time and feel accomplished and better about myself all around, as well as increased mental and physical health.
    In addition to occupying your time. You need to find a motive, a reason for changing. Mine was for my wife, because i would hate for her to find out what i was doing. So i changed for her well being. I cant be a good and effective leader for her if I cant even lead myself.
     
  17. IntegralSoul

    IntegralSoul Fapstronaut

    You summed up my own conclusion! I signed up to volunteer to coach unemployed people - I am a trained coach. And I thought 'how can I lead others if I'm not 100% there myself??' My P/cam sessions were well-hidden, but they still prevented me from dedicating myself fully to others.
     
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  18. Luckily we both had that awakening. Because until then I was hopelessly stuck in my destructive ways. Im glad youre using your time for the betterment of others.
     

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