Day 1
I'm starting today. I will post everyday.
I made this account today but I've been aware of the NoFap for a while. I've been dealing with porn addiction for years and have had a lot of dysfunction due to it. There was a period of time where I was having trouble getting a boner with multiple girls and I seriously didn't understand what was wrong with me. It was having a major effect on my self esteem and caused me to have so many questions about myself. Then I saw a video explaining the physiological effects porn addiction has on one's body and I became obsessed without no jacking off to porn anymore. I didn't look at it for about a month and experienced a rebound. From there I had several relationships with girls where I had little to no problem with not being able to get erections but even then I still would occasionally look at porn (and it would affect my boners).
Anyway, fast forward to this past couple months. I graduated, left a super toxic relationship and have been living at home again. It's a super small town and beyond Tinder, Bumble, etc. it feels like there's no hope in finding girls around here. That being said, I was able to find a girl on one of those apps and started up a fling with her. Overall it's been a positive experience, directly because meeting her helped me to get over feelings of depression, among others, directly relaxed to that toxic relationship I mentioned. But old problems related to porn have popped back up.
-We're not in a consistent relationship so I never know when the next time I will have sex will be. This makes it tempting to look at porn.
-We went through a three week patch where we weren't hanging out. I honestly thought everything was done and that wouldn't see each other again so the feeling of having no one around to have sex with made it more tempting to look at porn.
-I've low key been dealing with an obsession/compulsion to contact/hang out with her and as a way to subdue these feelings I've jerked off. This has been reasonably effective at reducing these feelings but at the cost of falling backing into excessive porn use.
I'm relocating to Long Beach, CA soon and she and I have started hanging out just a little bit more before I leave. Last night I could barely get it up with her. Doesn't feel good man. Then, when I got home this morning, I jerked off to porn. Like what the fuck? Couldn't get it up and then as soon as I get home I bust a nut to some chick I'll never meeting getting smashed by dudes. Why do I want to look at that shit? We're going to hang out on Wednesday again. That's not enough time to get over my addiction but hopefully it'll be enough time to get horny enough to have some memorable sex with her before I leave for good. But anyways, enough is enough. I'm so fucking tired of this shit. I fucking hate porn. I'm going to do this challenge and get my boners at full mast again. I want to slay, not fucking worry about whether or not my dicks gonna work seconds before a girl's all over me.
If you read this, thanks. If you have something to say or any kind of encouragement, feel free to post it. But in general I don't expect anyone to pay attention, I'm going to type this shit as a daily journal to keep myself on track. If I relapse, I'll post.
Good luck everyone.
