35 and older accountability, Group 2

Last Monday (D95), after writing here in my journal, I created a new challenge (actually, I extended a personal challenge) and baptized it (I renamed, in fact) Biblical Challenge. I created it in the section of general challenges, because there are more chances that non-Christians may enter from time to time (there are people who know nothing or very little about the Bible) but those of Nofap transferred it to the section of Christian fapstronauts. I don't want to break the community regulations, so I'll leave it where they left it. In case anyone wants to shop around, I leave the link: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/biblical-challenge.260918/).

Tuesday (D96). I was studying all morning for my last afternoon Bible class (where I am the teacher). I went out to buy a dessert to share with my students, for being the last class. I looked for desserts for diabetics, since one of my students is, but sadly, in stores, they hardly sell. I found a non-sugar bownie, that was all. For the rest, I brought a strawberry cake. The theme of the class was Glorification: the resurrection, the rapture of the Christians, the Wedding of the Lamb ... there is no human understanding capable of understanding how this will be, when it occurs.

Wednesday (D97). I worked. Things are better there. Then, at home, I took the opportunity to study, and organize for my classes next year.

Thursday (D98). All day studying and I began to read a new book (about Jewish customs in the time of Jesus). At night, I went to the recital of a young woman from my Church, who sang two songs. It is good to support young people in these things.

Friday (D99). I worked. My boss was too pleased with my job ... very suspicious . In the afternoon, I went out to buy some presents. Then, I went to the nursing home to celebrate a grandmother's birthday, and gave two balls of wool to another. We had a good time. At night I was at my parents' house (oh my sick brother ... I struggle between feeling angry or feeling compassion for him).

Today Saturday (D100). I woke up early. I was reading the book I mentioned, all day. Now I am at home, catching up with this Forum and other social networks.
Today I celebrate 100 days without PM. Very happy with this achievement, and more vigilant than ever, since I have a long summer ahead, a time of the year of more temptation. Now that I will not be teaching my class for a couple of months, what can I do to get more of God into my life? I thought about studying music, to improve praise, but God will say.

I feel a bit lonely. I have good companions, but sometimes I need a good friend. I have had close friends, but today these are empty relationships. But I am a very happy man, surrounded by affections. Instead of selfcasting, and thinking that if I don't have it, it's because something in me is wrong, I'm going to think with God that some of us serve him better in solitude .

Thank you very much. Very nice of you.

 

Thank you @persona2903 !

Hi everyone, my name is Devon. I'm a guy. I'm 38. I live in Los Angeles. I'm a starving artist, composer, and performer of dance music. I like cute furry animals, autumn leaves, Japanese stuff, synthesizers, drum machines, drawing, watercoloring, and green tea flavored stuff. I don't eat red meat, smoke, drink, or play video games. I believe in a loving and patient God. Politically I'm anti-authoritarian --so there are people and ideas across the board that I agree and disagree with.

My reasons for semen retention are (in no order)

1) I don't like being a SLAVE to any type of compulsion.
2) The clarity, focus, energy, bounce-to-the-step, and motivation arising from semen retention are awesome.
3) Though I identify as bisexual and am attracted to both sexes, I think that my discomfort around women is not "fundamental". I believe that my discomfort stems from a combo of formative childhood experiences, lack of self-esteem from an early age, and those got compounded by a rather solitary life of which pornography was definitely a part of.
4) The health benefits for men are "controversial"....but I believe that brain fog, irritability, lack of patience, premature hair loss and general premature aging are part of excessive loss of ones vital essence.

Lastly, I also just want to give up porn so I can reboot what it is that turns me on. I don't like having narrow fetishes or overly-specific turn ons...those can prevent me from finding someone to connect with on a deeper emotional level (which is BETTER than a fetish or turn-on...I've seen proof)

So - my strategies:
1) visit nofap.com every day and check in and make a public commitment
2) have an accountability partner (I've got one)
3) have a specific goal (30 days) with a reward (get my first ever piercing)
4) do NOT believe my mind when it says I can just take a quick look at something erotic, just to enjoy it for what it is. NO!
5) get sufficient exercise each day
6) talk about my journey and goals with friends who understand and support
7) enjoy the confidence that comes from the self-mastery and translate that to more confidence around women

Thank you for all being here! Today is Day 11!
I commit to you today, through the help of our mutual Higher Power, that I will not engage in PMO, and I will be diligent to root out misleading thoughts and subtle habits of action which may lead me toward PMO.

 

I learned a few things about myself yesterday:

I have a LOT of energy:
I woke up at 4 AM yesterday, traveled 40 miles to a state park, and I hiked and mountainbiked nearly non-stop, at high intensity, from 8 am to 2 pm. After driving back home, I unloaded my bike and gear from my SUV, ate and showered, and spoke to a friend on the phone. I had very little time for couch sitting and TV watching. At 6 pm I drove across town to meet another friend, and I danced, ate, drank, and stayed out until midnight.

I feel like I am becoming a "people person":
On the hiking and mountainbike trails, I looked each person in the eye and said hello to just about everybody I passed. I detached my digital device and headphones for a majority of the time. On the trail, I met a fellow hiker, a complete stranger, and we finished the 3.4-mile hike, together, talking the whole time. My fellow hiker is from India. He has a wife and 2 children (a son and daughter, 6 and 2 years old). He works in IT and his family are still in India, and they are due back in the USA in March 2020. He's looking forward to taking them to Disney World. I enjoyed every second of my conversation with him.

I went out to a bar last night for the first time in nearly a year. Bars and crowds used to intimidate me, but last night I felt very much at ease. I had a great time catching up with a friend, whom I hadn't seen in months. I introduced myself to a few people, I laughed, and I enjoyed live music and dancing.

My desire and tolerance for alcohol are greatly diminished:
A few months ago, I could consume up to a case of alcohol in one weekend; however, over the past several weeks, I've had very little desire for it. On Friday nights I usually allow myself a few beers and maybe a shot or two, but it stops there. Last night at the bar I drank 3 high-percentage-alcohol IPAs. I hadn't drank at all the previous 8 days. This morning I woke up feeling a bit sluggish and nauseous. I'm not sure why I continue to consume alcohol. I fail to see any benefits whatsoever. I'm meeting a friend for lunch today, and I'm not drinking any alcohol whatsoever.

I'm still acting selfishly:
My friend whom I met at the bar last night is married. I could write a list of excuses in defense of my meeting this woman, but the facts are: I'm choosing selfishness and ego; I'm compromising my morals; and I'm compromising the sanctity of my friend's marraige. Last night, on the dance floor, I got a bit "handsy." There was no kissing, but there was too much affection, and there was flirtation.

How would I feel if I were married and my wife was dancing and hugging and flirting with another man? Have I forgotten the ugly remembrances and feelings of my past life? Will God continue to forgive me and help me trust and support and forgive others when I choose to cling to anger, ego, and insecurity?

Lies, deceit, and selfishness have no place in my newfound life of joy, energy, strength, and purpose. I will no longer
accept this behavior. No exceptions.

 

Thank you for sharing this! I gained a greater sense of peace and freedom from this perspective

 

Congratulations on reaching 100 days!

 

Thank you!

 

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I've been able find motivation using the strategies I mentioned earlier. I've been able to focus better at work and have been more productive. I attended church today and felt very uplifted.

 

Today is Day 13! Last night was very tough. Very tough! I think I need to start doing some push ups. Daily walking in the cold has been good. Ending showers with cold water is a must. I feel more and more confident with women, too. I feel like there's some kind of energy emanating, haha!

I commit to you today, through the help of our mutual Higher Power, that JUST FOR TODAY, I will not engage in PMO, and I will be diligent to root out misleading thoughts and subtle habits of action which may lead me toward PMO.

 

Just wanted to take a moment to introduce myself to the group. 39, been battling porn addiction for the last 26+ years. My addiction started with a fixation when I was exposed to pornography at age 6. Ever since then I have been obsessed with it. Fortunately I came of age before easy access to free porn via high speed internet. So I wasn’t able to get out of control addicted until I was an adult. A few years ago I woke up and realized that porn was ruining my life. It had become a drug that I got high on and depended on deeply. Two years ago I entered counseling with a brilliant counselor who specializes in sex addiction. He is helping me overcome the shame and trauma that fuel my porn use. Currently I have 40+ days of sobriety which is the most I have had in some time. Every day is a struggle. But everyday it also gets a little bit easier. I come to the NoFap board daily. It helps keep me going and I enjoy trying to help others.

 

Count me in... 38 yo, I have just started today. Hope I get there.

 

Espi,

I believe you are being too hard on yourself. You are not responsible for morals of all people you interact with. As long as you are not deceptive or two faced, you are fine, in my opinion.

 

6 weeks check in.

I am on autopilot now. Nofap is not difficult. I get morning wood a couple of times a week, and it's harder than in many years. I am reaching normality. I am not seeking porn, and I was ok when there was some nudity in a movie I saw. The rule that is working for me is the understanding that
"Semen is the life force and I can't let go waste in a drain".
I noticed that I am extra polite with cashiers, waitresses. I used to be aloof. A lady at store asked me to help get something off top shelf. Happened the first time in a decade. I guess I appear amicable now.
As I said before that I read...After 60 days of semen retention, your aura is so strong that woman detect it and want to be around you.

 

Thank you so much for having me. It’s best to fight difficult fights together and not alone.

 

Congratulations on 2+ weeks, and I appreciate your candor and vigilance. Exercise has been a lifesaver for me so in my opinion doing pushups is only going to help you. I will also attest to cold showers. I do not remember the last time I took a hot shower. I especially like taking them right after a workout. Feels heavenly. Kudos to you for immersing yourself in the cold water, even when it's cold outside. I live in Florida and I'm not convinced that I would have the will, desire, and discipline if it were cold here.

Wishing you strength and peace, and the mighty feeling of accomplishment, as you progress in your journey.

 

@dasher thank you! I have been told by many that I am too hard on myself, which I have come to suspect is yet another way of my yearning for approval and acceptance. I still have work to do, and I appreciate your support.

I met a friend a few days ago, whom I told all about my dancing, etc., and my friend also felt that I did nothing wrong, and while I do value the support and opinion of my friends, I realize that I still want to be vigilant.

Attracting women used to be an escape for me. A drug. This woman with whom I danced was one of many that I chased in my former womanizing days, but she is also one of a very few with whom I reconnected recently, and I've shared EVERYTHING about my new life with her, and she supports and encourages me.

I was never the the type of guy who believed that men and women could be friends, but she and I have formed a pretty tight friendship over the past few months, and I'm happy that she's in my life and accepts me for who I am, but I'm always going to be a bit guarded and aware. We dated a few times in my past: no sex; she was separated from her husband at the time, and even though she is now back with her husband, she remains unhappily married.

 

Thank you for sharing I appreciate reading your accomplishments and your feeling more connected to people.

Perhaps this is what I most appreciate about my newfound sense of joy and energy: the feeling of appreciation for others. I no longer consider myself a loner. I feel far happier being around people, and I have a desire to trust and support people, and I have a desire for people to trust and support me.