35 and Older Accountability Group

Today i feel depressed from work, 1 of the reasons i relapsed on my 180 days streak was from overworking, im trying to look for alternatives so i can Take off ASAP.

 

Day 2

 

Day 87.

Got up late today. So can't have time for workout.

 

Hi, I think I understand your mindset, when indicating there is no addict in the past. I heard another phrase that no matter how we are going, we are always 1 foot from the ditch. Even if it’s possible to obtain a manageable way of life, where porn doesn’t have an immediate hold over you, that’s a better way to be, if we are able to carefully create internal guards and commonsense systems to maintain a quality of life, that could be a worthwhile outcome
Do you have hope that you will not be an addict or do you think it is something you won’t be able to break free from in the near future? Thanks for sharing.

 

Thanks very much, I am really much appreciative of this group. It suits me so much better than one on one accountability as I have a common goal with a common group of comrade’s. It just suits my personality better but have never done accountability this way.

 

Not to speak for @livinginhell, but here is what I think.

It's a 2 step process. First step is to reboot your brain, which then rewires the neural pathways that are causing you to want porn right now. After this is finished, you're basically an average person, with no strong desire to go towards porn.

Then comes the 2nd step, which is self-improvement. If you're brain is reset, but you're living a miserable, unfulfilled life, chances are that you'll turn back to porn at some point... not from dopamine hunger or addiction, but simply because life sucks, so why not. Unhappy circumstance, coupled with bad judgement, can kick off a course of new porn interactions that re-trigger the old pathways in your brain, re-developing your addictive behaviour.

On the other hand, if you complete step 2, then you are most likely a more happy, fulfilled person, and thus there will never be a reason to go back to porn, and so the potential for addiction just sits dormant inside your head, never being triggered and thus, never actually affecting you anymore. (But the potential still definitely exists, and if triggered and not actively fought, you will go downhill way faster than someone who has never looked at porn before)

 

Good to see you All still rocking on. Trying to start over myself. Nothing seems to work long term for me.

 

@x_Nocturnalis_x has given excellent food for brain here. I second that.

But, the point I was trying to make that after seeing 2.5 decades just fly and I have been trying to just escape from this all the time. I never want to be in a ''rest mode'' (if that makes any sense) by taking it lightly. I don't know, but I think not calling it an addiction make things lighter or less serious, may be. We have to take this matter very seriously. I also think that we can definitely stay 'away' from the PMO and that does not mean we get 'cured' for forever.

To answer your question, yes definitely I have a hope that I will be able to live away from this addiction long enough that it doesn't affect my normal view of life and all the enthusiasm and motivation ''normal'' people enjoy naturally. But, I would also like to repeat, like @x_Nocturnalis_x said, our recovery means we are just levelling up with the normal people. We are not being better, the thing here is 'not to stay miserable whole life' as we have stayed. After recovering, may be our brain becomes healthy but there is always a chance to slip again. Also, we don't get the time and semen back which we lost for no purpose. I never get back the valuable years of life back. This is not to lose hope but we should rather do double amount of work which normal people do to improve our lives. And we can be better than anyone. Please note, I don't intend to sound Negative by any means.

 

About my status, I am not feeling any sexual urge, completely numb, just like a little kid , no feeling 'there'. I don't know if this is called flatline, loss of libido or what. I just hope I am on right track and it will boost again for better.

 

Day 5

 

Sounds like flatline. From what I hear, it lasts for a couple of weeks at the most, and is a completely normal part of the process.

 

Checking In.

 

Reset.
What went wrong?
-Probably the quarrel with my wife affected me on the subconscious level, although I denied it.
-I drank green tea right before going to sleep. Next time I'm gonna drink only water. Not eating 3 hours before sleep is a good rule.
-I decided to M. It always leads me to PMO. I must take a mental note.
-I'm not sure if meditation has any effect on me but making me a little calmer. Some elevation of dopamine or whatever happiness substance.
-I broke my rule to go to sleep at 10.30PM. I had to complete an analysis for work. Then I decided to do guided meditation. Finally, decided to "test" M. I thougth about other people relapsing on the forum. Negative thinking crept up on me - if they slipped, why can't I? I can half-ass my recovery. - That was a wrong kind of thinking and I didn't notice it.

 

Hello everyone!
Check in day 40!
I don't have a daily presence on the site and that's because I no longer have a daily presence on the internet. I have decided that I will only allow myself two days a week to be online. e.g. Monday, Tuesday. As a result I have gained incredibly more free time for creative pursuits, interpersonal communication, rest, etc. Most importantly I am much less exposed to p-subs. Something I really need since I have this addiction. I find (to refer to your previous related reports on the subject) that this detox from the internet shows humility and maturity in the face of a chronic problem that has ultimately become an addiction. And as we all know, the beginning of being cured of something is to take it seriously and take protective measures. It's not about cowardice or indecisiveness to deal with the problem. Since this has become an addiction, it is prudence to avoid triggers and traps. May we all soon regain our old selves before any addiction.
Good strength to all!
Keep the good work!

 

Checking in , im started slipping, it's very cold outside i can't get out and do my things freely.

 

Checking in. Feeling a bit more solid, like I'm finally beginning to build a foundation for a life moving forward. Hoping to turn positive activities such as exercise, mediation, open communication into actual habits.

5 days exercise
6 days meditation

 

Day 6

 

Congrats on your 30 days!

 

Good job dude! Only 95 days left until you hit 6 months.