This is a story of many ... You are tired and sick of what you are doing, you are feeling shame and guilt, you are feeling weak because you have drained your body of its essence, your bones crack, muscles hurt, you are worried about your health, your future, potential opportunities, feeling emtionless and numb, social awkwardness, can't focus nor you have the best memory out there, eyes hurting, mind busy thinking but working in vain because its consumed up in worthlinessness. So you decide .. No more .. ! You quit for a day, for a two but fall again, you are still trapped in the chaser effect zone.. You try again for full Four long days, but you fall again.. You are angry and upset, and think you can't make further, but you gather up some strength and you go for a full week, but its weekends, you have accomplished something, and you need a reward .. your mind tells you. Then you fall, and just argue about your stupidity with your self, 5 sec later of the quick pleasuring moments .. and start a long journey of regret ... Or maybe not ! You gather up some strength again, a week and a two, then weekends become your new enemy, because you are determined to quit, but you haven't identified your triggers. You set a plan, AVOID sights at all costs. You are very determined, 1, 2, 3 and 4 weeks. Again your mind pleas for a reward, and reward it gets or so it thinks. Your conscious mind comes back to reality on the crime you have committed on behalf of yourself, it goes darker than ever now, you've gone so far this time but still fall? A new plan is needed, can't just simply depend on the will power and on a motive, that fades over time. I need discipline! Its time to add some root changes to your life, but you are being backed up by the idea "I did it" I reached one month, I can do it again and I can go further this time. Its 45 days, your doing your best in the field, but flatlines, withdrawal symptoms hit on you, feeling depressed at some times, joyful at other. Its the ultimate test now, you keep going forward, swallowing in all the disappointments deep in your soul and bury them, feeling the pain, but you keep going. You got there day 60 now. All these experiences had prepared you for the final stage. Im going forward, and I'm not going to look back. And you start feeling the joy of life, your brain is healing, no you can't give this up anymore... now everyday that comes, is making you closer than ever to your goal. You did it, you finally did it!! You set your wings free, you've reached what you always thought was impossible. Its not the end of the journey, but you come to admire your journey, the struggle, all these battles inside you, that ended up with you winning at the end. Your building your new life on the ashes of the past, you have put some solid foundations that will last forever. It's the pain, You will always remember it, and always cherish it. Because it has turned you to who you are now. You have conquered your flaws and weaknesses, and you've learned from them. And what's there in the horizon, is just a dawn of a new day and a new life.