Accountability for All

Thanks, @TheBluePrint for all the support.

Checking in - I'm doing great, yesterday I had a therapy session and we will work on my self-esteem. After the session I almost relapsed, but then I got out of my home and set off to a shopping mall, to work on my soon-to-be business, I was very productive.

But today I overslept, which is a sign of relapse, I have to be careful.

 

Checking in - Yesterday I got triggered 4 times and had a hard time falling asleep. I thought I was going to relapse. And today I had some sexy dreams... I`ll do my best to not succumb to my fucking addiction.

 

Today I masturbated. Resetting my counter back to zero.

 

Resetting my counter again back to zero.

 

Checking in - I`m in a terrible headspace, very depressed, and numb, but I`m also hell-bent! Yesterday I was fucked up, had all the reasons in the world to relapse, but I just decided that I didn`t give a fuck about how fucked I was, that it wasn`t an excuse to watch porn and I made it through another day. Stay hard guys, and be frank and kind to yourself.

 

Checking in - Yesterday I slept only 4 hours, for fuck sake I gotta work hard! But I can not relapse because of that. Stay hard guys, and keep trying.

 

Completed day 1.

 

I masturbated. Resetting my counter back to zero.

 

Checking in - I`m doing good, but I`m not sleeping a lot, I have to work hard. And my love life is dead in the water, I fucking have to improve this!

 

That's amazing and despite your struggle, I see that you are crushing it! I just started and know the going gets tough, but your messages motivate me!

 

Wow man, I'm really glad that I motivate you. Thanks.

 

Checking in - I slept 4hr yesterday as well, experienced severe withdrawal symptoms, and got sick. I was really vulnerable, but I didn't relapse. I'll stop that shit of sleeping 4 hours, it's really dangerous.

 

Absolutely. A manager of a job I once was in told me that we all expect to learn and do things effortlessly. But real learning is falling down and getting back up. And that it is about continuously falling forward. I hope this helps.

 

I see you falling forward and you succeed. That is very motivating!

 

You can do it!

 

Day 3. As I posted on another thread, I've installed a site blocker yesterday that blocks adult sites and social media. Seeing the names of the pornsites triggered me, but I didn't click. My GF and I spent quite a lot of time talking this through. I intentionally decided to block Social Media as well, because next to porn, YouTube and Instagram are my gateway to relapse.

I just woke up and I have more energy, as I have slept more and wasted my time less on porn and social media. And during an evening walk yesterday, I noticed that there is so much more than the enclosed world I have been living in.

 

I masturbated. Resetting my counter back to zero.

 

Yeah man, that`s very wise, I can`t agree more.

 

Checking in - because I worked hard all week and didn`t sleep enough, I got so physically exhausted I thought I was sick. But I`m better now. Honestly, I have to have results with Digital Marketing and improve my non-existent love life, otherwise, I`ll relapse eventually.

 

Temperance is important. Otherwise, aren't you then replacing one addiction with another addiction? You will spend all the energy you have gained through your hard work get consumed by working long hours that make you physically exhausted. But what will happen when you get sick, get a burnout or when you don't get the results you are vying for? Will you relapse because there is another void in your life you can't fill?

However, if your Digital Marketing job works for you to get your mind off of things, you should do it, but I suggest to know when to stop. Perhaps working out more, having early nights in, finding a fulfilling hobby, et cetera, can help you control your energy more than to spend it all on working. I see that these things really help me and I read these things back everywhere where addiction is concerned.

And furthermore: You can do it. No doubt in my mind. You have built the self control to withstand it for the time you have done so already. And you are strong.