I have been addicted to P since I was around 8-9. So probably about 11-12 years now. My parents are not computer/tech literate but had a PC which I had free range on. Thinking back a lot of my time on the internet was spent on 2 things, youtube and P. I was always getting into different things and can see clearly now how quickly (3-4 years) I went from relatively normal P to more divergent and fetish stuff. It wasn't until I was 18 that I stopped myself and thought about how much P was controlling my life. Before, I always had an excuse for myself like my hormones were just out of control and spiking, but as I kept doing it I realized how many cons there were. I began having short-term memory issues where it felt like I couldn't distinguish what happened between two days or couldn't remember what happened yesterday. I am into fitness and living a healthy lifestyle and during my stints of trying to quit I noticed I had a ton more energy and working out was getting easier. Whenever I would M it was like it would kill my stamina and energy for a while. It beats me up mentally now too when I realize that everytime I do it, I betray God a little more. I have attempted to quit several times but it has only ever lasted a week or two and then it just feels like I can't go without it and will relapse for several weeks afterward. This time though, I am going to do everything I can to stop. My goal is to have a P-free lifestyle where instead of M-ing when I get bored I find anything else to fill that time.
Im 43 I think I have been addicted to masterbation from about 9 or 10. And then porn in one form or another (catalogues and things) from 11 or so. So 30+ years. I realised that I would be in longterm relationships because they were a substitute for P and M. So during that time my P and M consumption has waxed and wained. Access to broadband really accelerated things. Aswell as P I have ventured into risky sexual encounters and general perverted things. The addiction really will drive you to places you never would have thought. I think I started M as a form of self soothing. It would take me away from bad feelings. I realise as a family we didn't talk about things or keep them in the open. I would call sex call lines as a child that got billed to my parents and use my dads cc to pay for chat lines. My Dad would keep it hidden (and wouldn't tell my mum as he didn't want her to be upset. Also I had a stack of P (well catalogues and news papers) in my drawer that were all stuck together. I realised even then I would try and get rid of them all on occasions. I knew I was hooked in my teens. I would dress in my mums and grans clothes and M, look at my mum in shower and bed and M, try and listen to my mum and dad having sex and M. Try and listen to friends parents and M, sneak around friends houses and M, sneak through friends clothes at uni and M meet with men in parks and M. Me and my brother would also M together and look at P. Porn addiction, sex addiction, masterbation addiction, perv addiction really has just stopped me from fulfilling my potential as a human being. I am immature, tired, lonely, self conscious, low in self esteem, constantly ashamed, constantly lying, irritable, angry, jealous, depressed, living a double life and generaly being hateful. Unrespected by my peers and my partner. Finally it prevents me from performing effectively at work, loosing one good job (Gives you an idea why giving up is so important). In terms of physical effects. Compulsive M lead to damage to cartilage on my knee caps of all things. Also finding it hard to ejaculate during sex due to lack of sensation.
I keep wondering if we can find stories of people that were addicted for 25+ years and managed to stop.
Hi, if you'd like I can send over a book called how to quit porn by Celibate Yogi. It perfectly explains the reasons why we relapse and why we think during long streaks that we should PMO, I saw it on the Internet somewhere where it says loneliness can lead a person to higher porn consumption and It was true to me as well, while it was really hard for me to quit, it was because there was still a thought pattern in my mind that let me PMO, when I was away from porn and was literally doing well recovering, there was always some stupid irrational thought trying to get me to relapse, this book opened my eyes and taught me there is no need for distractions willpower or anything for me to quit PMO, this book explains the reasons each thought thats trying to rationalise reasons to PMO is false, and opens your eyes about the lies of this poison. I have read this book in June 25 2022 and have only had 6 relapses ever since. Back in the 1960s doctors used to tell people who had stomach problems to just smoke, smoking wasn't thought to be harmful back then but later people noticed that it caused lung cancers, and more problems. Today, people find Porn and masturbation normal, relaxing because there are testosterone supplement companies, therapists, making money off of people's porn addiction.
It's not like a manifestation of something specific, but over the years you realized how much you are missing, why there are many aspects of your life that feel like shit, it feels so hard to improve at anything, and then lots of personal issues will manifest. Examples.. mood swings, social awkwardness, sexual problems, relationship problems, lack of motivation, lack of ambition, issues at work, problems at school, low performance at any activity, anxiety, constant brain fog, crazy porn fetishes, procrastination, and many others. Here is the issue, all of the problems that I mentioned above, do not manifest at the same time, but they gradually accumulate and it only gets worse. When you realize, you are already deep down in the rabbit hole.
