Approaching women - my insights and videos

I want to talk about something that took me a long time to understand : The neediness I had towards women.
There was a period when I approached women, and every time I got a number, I'd send a message, try to set up dates with them, and it made me profoundly unhappy. I couldn't understand why women gave me so little attention despite my efforts. I couldn't be myself or speak my mind because I had an emotional void to fill. Later, probably because of this and various other reasons, I fell into severe depression (a year ago, I made a YouTube video to talk about this; I might show it to you sometime). I stopped living for 2 years. No hope left, panic attacks every day, anxiety. It was horrible. I came very close to death. But after a 3-year struggle, I emerged from it. And from that point on, I completely changed. It was incredible for me to have fought so hard every day and come out of that terrible period. I think, for the first time in my life, I understood that taking care of myself was the priority.

For 2 years, I experienced panic attacks every day, but I engaged in a lot of sports and ate healthily. I tried to understand myself, find solutions. I believe it filled the void I felt before. I wasn't taking care of myself, so how could I have relationships if I didn't value myself? Out of gratitude, I decided to give to others, spread love around me, and genuinely take interest in others. From there, my interactions with women were never the same again. I was content without sex, happy to have simply survived.

I've met so many people in the last 2 years leading up to today. I continued to approach women, but I no longer tried to get things from the women I met. Because they're humans with their fears, just like me, not objects to satisfy my selfish needs. I told close people that I loved them for the first time in my life because I realized that everything can end any day. From then on, I decided to be truly honest. When I love a woman or feel attracted to her, I tell her (while considering how she operates too). Because I came close to death and understood that I couldn't continue to neglect myself and waste my life.

Even though I still have fears, I try to be compassionate with myself because I'm not aiming for perfection. Cold approach is often an emotional rollercoaster. You face rejections, and your brain tells you, "I did something wrong, I should have done that, I have a problem." All of that is untrue. A woman either loves you or she doesn't, it's beyond your control. You have chemistry on a date or you don't, it's beyond your control. Don't try to get the number of every woman you approach. Always prioritize yourself. The more you think about yourself, the more you're able to think about others; the more you connect with others, the happier you become. And that's something no dating coach talks about. They're all lost in their manipulative and self-centered techniques.

 

I approached a girl on the street today. She was really pretty and I told her. She told me she is already in a relationship so the interaction was quick but I'm happy I did it. Going back tomorrow

 

1 year has passed. A few more :

• The more genuinely you take care of yourself every day, the less you need the support or validation from others. Taking care of yourself is the foundation of your relationships. If you don't love yourself, you won't love others. Every woman you talk to won't be a human being, but an entity from whom you want to take something to fill a void.
  
• Traumas take time to heal. Several years. But it's the most important battle of your life.
  
• A woman loves you or doesn't love you, it's beyond your responsibility.
  
• The only way to have no regrets is to tell the truth, even if it means facing rejection.
  
• Progress doesn't lie in results or seduction techniques, but within: How you feel about yourself.
  
• Understanding others is gaining perspective on their behavior. They also have their fears, traumas, and insecurities too.
  
• No one cares about your insecurities. No one cares about you. When you see a woman, she'll be more focused on the image she presents to you, thus on herself, rather than what she thinks of you. And you'll do the same.
• Approaching women to improve yourself is a sociopath thing. You improve on your own by taking care of yourself and showing resilience in the face of internal challenges you encounter, not by approaching women. Approaching women is just a way to meet women, to push yourself, to be proud of yourself, and to have no regrets.
  
• People always give you less importance than you think, not out of disrespect, but because they have their own lives and concerns too. That's why you need to prioritize yourself to avoid encroaching on the freedom of others.
  
• If you're frustrated, unhappy, or expecting too much from others, you simply aren't giving enough love to yourself every day.
• It's an adventure that will allow you to know yourself, accept yourself, assert yourself, and share with others who you've become.
• Healing from your traumas is the greatest gift you can give to others. You do it for yourself, and you do it for others. The more love you give to yourself, the more love you can give to others. You can do both simultaneously with what you have right now. And forgive yourself for all the mistakes you will make along the way. Because you will make mistakes, but you will learn from them. And if you nurture this every day, there will come a moment later on when you will realize what you have accomplished and what you have gone through. And that struggle will have been worth fighting for.

 

I believe that everyone has traumas. I have my own as well, but I'm on a good path to healing completely. Even though I'm aware that it takes time.

 

I watched a video of David Goggins a few days ago, and it deeply motivated and touched me. I wasn't familiar with his story before. It's inspiring to see someone surpass their limits and truly prioritize themselves. I draw inspiration from him. I've been eating healthy every day for the past 2 weeks with no exceptions. I go to the gym 4 times a week, mostly in the morning. This morning, I woke up at 4:30 AM to go there.

I'm going to make this year an incredible one in terms of happiness. It's bound to reflect in my relationships. I feel more disciplined. One of my friends suggested going out to approach women today, but I prefer to meet women on my own. Confronting my fear directly, without someone pushing me. I'm going to do it tonight.

 

I approached 8 girls on the street yesterday. I went out alone, and it was quite easy to take action even though there were many people around. Usually, it takes me more time to take action, but I got into a mindset of being open to others.
I think from now on I'll go out alone when I want to meet girls because there's no ego involved "I must approach because my wing is there". You're free to go and talk to anybody. Nobody influences you. If you approach a woman, it's 100% from your heart, as there's no one there to fuel your courage.

I had a good ten-minute conversation with the first woman I approached. She told me right from the beginning that she had a boyfriend, but we kept talking for a long time because the moment was enjoyable. I believe that set the tone for the rest of my day.

I got three phone numbers, although I shouldn't have taken one of them. We didn't connect in terms of personality, even though I was physically attracted to her. I didn't send her a message. On the other hand, I have a date tomorrow evening, and with the other girl whose instagram I took, I went on an instant date with her. She was the last woman I approached. Despite being tired after meeting girls for almost 2 hours, I thought I couldn't let her go without trying. It was 9 p.m.

I came up and said "Hey, you know I hesitated before coming, but I didn't want to have any regrets". Interestingly, this sentence summarizes the mindset I adopt in my life and I said it spontaneously.
She didn't have any plans, so I suggested getting a drink after 5 minutes of talking. She agreed. The moment was really nice. We've been talking every day so I think It's solid.

The other interactions were "I have a boyfriend," "no thank you," and one woman ignored me, but all is well—I'm still alive haha.

2 hours of taking action to meet 2 girls. It's really nice

 

The truth about cold approach

- Cold approach is devoid of meaning. Approaching women and having relationships doesn't solve frustration. Whether you have 30 relationships in a year or 1, it won't change anything in your life, and people will care just as little. Coaches are completely wrong in thinking that the frustration of not having women can be solved by having women. Just like all the guys who start approaching women and believe that it will change their lives. It's actually the opposite: it's never enough and there's no end to all of this.

- Approaching women on the street is exhausting, and for a sensitive guy, it's hardcore. You have very, very few relationships compared to the efforts you put in. It doesn't give you more confidence in yourself. On the contrary, if you don't have friends and a solid life foundation, you only have the feedback from the women you approach on the street. Rejections make you believe that you're not enough, that something is missing. That you haven't understood the concepts of seduction. So, you end up consuming content on YouTube from guys who self-proclaim as coaches. These guys make money from the frustration of other guys. They hide this behind nice values like "be the master of your life, make choices," when it's all bullshit. These coaches are as lost, if not more, than you. So, you eventually start believing that you have to change who you are to have the women you approach on the street. When the problem is simply that you're not surrounding yourself with the right people and you might not be happy in your life.

- When I started approaching women 6 years ago, I remember it took me 6 months to do it because deep down, I found it weird. It's legitimate to think that approaching a girl on the street is weird. Everyone sees you, and at first, there's a feeling of bothering people.
Today, this feeling hasn't changed. I still find it weird. Actually, it depends on the moment. If I'm living my life and I see a woman I really like, if it's not planned and I go talk to her, there's no strange feeling. It just happens, and those form the best relationships because everything is authentic, and you are truly yourself. On the other hand, if you go out with the intention of meeting women, there's always a part of you that anticipates what to say, what to do, how to do it, and when. Whether you're aware of it or not, your authenticity gets lost, everything becomes mechanical and robotic. You don't build anything genuine with anyone. It's all ego. You almost forget that there are humans in front of you; it's terrifying.

- There's a global community of gamers who know each other. They're all men who approach women and are focused on self-improvement. I've known dozens of them with whom I used to go out on the streets or to nightclubs to approach women. We talked about personal development, had deep and seemingly interesting discussions. However, today, none of these guys are part of my friends. My friends are people who aren't caught up in this whole cycle of self improvement. It's almost dangerous because if you're a bit lost, you can quickly identify with this community. It gives you a sense of belonging: you belong to a group. Furthermore, it's a group of guys doing something that other guys don't do, which adds to the feeling of uniqueness. It gives you a semblance of meaning. Yet, all of this is fake. This community makes you even more detached from the world. It's almost like a cult where you forget your values just to sleep with women, to feel like you exist, and to reinforce your importance and legitimacy within that community.

- Approaching women doesn't inherently give you more confidence in yourself. Self-confidence is not simply limited to talking to women and your relationship with them. It's much broader than that.
If you don't have women in your life right now, it might be because you don't know yourself well enough and you're frustrated about not having women. This sense of frustration is palpable in the way you interact with people. They don't appreciate it because they want to be seen for who they are: humans, not objects of desire to reassure an unhappy man.
This community promises a life change, but that transformation will never truly occur. I know guys who have slept with over 100 women in their lives, and when I see who they are now, I absolutely don't want to be like them.


Okay, once you know all of this, approaching women can be a positive experience. It allows you to meet women in an honest way, express your thoughts, build a social circle, and form relationships. The key is not to expect anything more than that.

 

I'm not ignoring your post, not because it affects me, but simply because it's ridiculous. I don't hate anyone. On the other hand, by asserting personal things about me when you've never seen me, one could compare that to hatred. You wrote this long post to explain how much I should question myself, and then you tell me to be indifferent. Could that not be hatred, jealousy, or something else?

I'm talking about coaches who make money off the emotional and sexual struggles of men. It's my opinion to say that these guys are lost, not the men who approach women. Even though I think that improving oneself by approaching women is a sociopathic thing. Go tell people that you approach women on the street to improve yourself, and they'll look at you and say, "Oh, so I'm just an object to help you improve and boost your confidence." So, there's inevitably a part of you that started talking to me for a weird self-improvement thing and not because you found me attractive, as you claim.

Anyway, it's not a stranger who's going to teach me things about myself.

That's what's called asserting personal things about someone, especially negative ones, and ending it with a respectful sentence. I find that cowardly; you might as well fully own up to what you believe.

 

An update on the two dates I had last weekend.

The first one was on Friday evening, and the second one was last night. Friday was the date with one of the two girls I met last Thursday. We went for a drink, and she ended up at my place. I won't go into detail about what happened. I'm going to see her again. I think this relationship is heading towards something purely physical, and that's pretty cool.

My second date yesterday was with the girl I went on an instant date with last Thursday. The moment was really nice. She's quite different from the one I saw on Friday, more serious. We kissed at the end, and I dropped her off at her place. We're planning to meet again at the end of the week. One day, 8 approaches, and 2 relationships. It's unexpected and quite cool.

 

I'm almost always direct but being direct involves showing empathy because women also have their fears.
I think It's a good thing to know how to start a discussion normally without any goal in mind at the moment.
But that it ends without being able to explain the real reason why I came to talk to this girl can causes regret (and it did). At least for me.

 

A few updates, but I've been approaching around ten women per day for the past week. I've reached a milestone in terms of my mental health. Even though I occasionally feel anxious at certain times of the day, the rest of the time I feel confident. I'm eating healthily and I can get up at 4 a.m. to go to the gym without feeling tired for the rest of the day. Last year, I was doing things halfway. I was eating healthily, but I would have episodes where I'd repeatedly consume sugar. It's strange to talk about this while connecting it with women, but ever since I've been taking real care of myself, it's been much easier to approach women. I'm currently in four relationships, three of which I approached on the street, and I have dates every week. I believe the goal has been achieved.

 

It's been a month since I haven't eaten any junk food, and I've been getting up at 4:30 am several times a week to go to the gym. My mental health has never been better, and my level of happiness is through the roof. My life has turned into one hell of an adventure with these habits.
Sometimes you hear the advice "focus on yourself, and others will come to you." I only agree with the first part. Why take care of yourself and feel so good to the point where your traumas are almost healed, and you're happy if you don't share that with others? Giving to others while being truly yourself, the confident, happy, and honest you who only wants to spread positivity around, is a unique feeling.

I approach around ten women a day ever since I implemented these habits. I used to go out with a wingman at the beginning, but now I prefer going out alone. Going out with someone to approach women doesn't really make sense to me anymore. I've met a lot of women in recent weeks. I've never had so many relationships. If I keep up this pace, I could have 40 relationships this year. But that's not my goal. For now, I'm just enjoying the moments.

 

My goal is also to be in a long term relationship but not with the first girl I meet. I talk to girls and I see where it leads me.

You don't become carefree because you are human. However you can become stronger and able to endure more things. It's called resilience

 

I've suffered from chronic anxiety since I was 21. I'm 26 now. Over the past 5 years, I've fought fiercely, trying to maintain a healthy diet, exercise, and socialize. I've made significant progress, but the anxiety has always lingered in the background. I've had my ups and downs.

I used to have panic attacks from age 21 to 23. Today, I don’t have them anymore. However, there are moments when I feel anxious. Before I turned 21, I had no idea it was even possible to have mental health issues. I've always been athletic, so I assumed such problems only occurred in those who stayed home and let themselves sink.
Today, I understand that it can happen to anyone. My anxiety and depression emerged after a breakup with a woman and the emotional shock that came with it. I believe the traumas I had buried deep inside came to the surface at that point. The subsequent years felt like I was living with an open, gaping wound. It hurt a lot, but at least I wasn’t in the dark about the reasons for my suffering: my traumas. These traumas are deeply connected to my relationships with others and with myself. So, in the following years, I focused on what I had never concerned myself with before: healing from these traumas, the root cause of my anxiety and depression.

Initially, it was about reducing the symptoms because they were unbearable. Now, I see things much more deeply. Every action I take to take care for myself brings me closer to happiness. And when I'm happy, I can share it with others, positively impacting my relationships. Finally, I've adopted a lifestyle where I eat healthily every day and have been doing so for the past month, and I can wake up at 4:30 am to hit the gym daily. This was never possible before because the difficult moments were so strong that they prevented me from having a stable and healthy routine.

I believe it's time to acknowledge how far I've come and the rewards at the end of the tunnel. My relationships have drastically changed over the past 5 years. Courage, resilience, and the ability to bounce back after doubts and failures have shaped who I am today.

Approaching women makes up 10% of my life; it allows me to add that thing at the end of the day that I'm proud of.