Arguing a trigger ?
- Thread starter Mufc777
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Daedaleus
Fapstronaut
I'm not in a relationship, but I wouldn't be too surprised if others struggle with it. Especially if you are used to using PMO as your primary stress relief mechanism. I would suggest to find a new and healthier way/s to cope with stress, such as exercising or meditation, or some other productive hobby/activity to replace the habit of PMO as an outlet to channel stress through.
Edit: Of course, that is always much easier said than done, but if you can slowly chip away at it, things will change for the better
Edit: Of course, that is always much easier said than done, but if you can slowly chip away at it, things will change for the better
D
Deleted Account
Guest
Totally relate...because that type of action allows for a fast escape from uncomfortable feelings (so we think). In reality, it leads to bigger problems (for me). Now I try a puzzle or go for a walk. And I try not to avoid my SO, just tell her I need a time out before we can continue our discussion.
JamesTheSquirrel
Fapstronaut
It's not a trigger for me but I do agree with you that phones make it too easy to access P. As part of my recovery I've tried to reduce phone use as much as possible, particularly idle browsing and it seems to be helping.
In terms of arguing you need to remember that your recovery from PA needs to be separate from your relationship. Sure quitting PMO might help you on the route to being a better partner but at times things won't always go smoothly. Do this for yourself and don't let relationship issues get in the way of your recovery!
Now that you've recognized it as a trigger, you can take steps so that it doesn't allow you to fall...no phones in the bathroom, etc. And, as @Daedaleus suggested, find different, healthier coping mechanisms for when you are triggered. Now that you know what triggers you, if you follow the old pattern of behavior into relapse, it isn't just the addiction...you're making a choice.
Live and Grow7
Fapstronaut
I've had anger at my wife be a trigger of sorts of mine. Like I almost feel like I'm sticking out to her by doing it but honestly it's more me running from the anger and intense emotions but wanting to unplug with P.
I think you gotta find a healthier outlet for you anger after the argument. I'm not sure what that could be for you yet but I'm sure you have something constructive you can fill that with.
I think you gotta find a healthier outlet for you anger after the argument. I'm not sure what that could be for you yet but I'm sure you have something constructive you can fill that with.
Homelander
Fapstronaut
Some of my worst relapses was right after getting into a fight with my wife.
Most of the time it occurred after she rejected me after a romantic evening together where i set my mind on to having sex.
I felt that she denied me my sexual instincts and thus caused me to resort to internet porn.
Well, obviously I was fully to blame for all my relapses.
Now proceeding with my first 90-day hard attempt, I'm prepared to not fall again after future fights with the wife
Most of the time it occurred after she rejected me after a romantic evening together where i set my mind on to having sex.
I felt that she denied me my sexual instincts and thus caused me to resort to internet porn.
Well, obviously I was fully to blame for all my relapses.
Now proceeding with my first 90-day hard attempt, I'm prepared to not fall again after future fights with the wife
fadedfidelity
Fapstronaut
Wow, I see you have finally seen the way you have viewed sex all along was selfish and causing problems. Good for you! I bet just typing out "she denied you your sexual instincts" and "...where I set my mind on having sex" made you sick to your stomach. God forbid if she were to see you as a thing which was for her sexual pleasure, right? You are her husband and she should respect you as an individual--just as you should her. Bravo!
D
Deleted Account
Guest
D
Deleted Account
Guest
I've read a lot on the subject. A lot of people use P as an avoidance behavior. Ie. You use it to avoid your negative feelings after a fight with your SO. The best thing to do when you feel triggered is to figure out why you're feeling that way (sad/angry/upset) and remind yourself that PMO won't fix those things. Find a new (healthy) way to cope with your feelings and stop the avoidance behaviour.
Homelander
Fapstronaut
This is so true, just gold.
D
Deleted Account
Guest
Same boat ...I keep closing then reopening my Xhamster account and peeking, and sharing all the pics and videos of my wife!
Day 8 of this streak, I've been good so far though, only small peeks...no relapse.
(Sex with wife every night though, so I'm cheating somewhat!)
Homelander
Fapstronaut
I stopped xhamster for about 4 months now and did some peeking(images) afterwards to softspoon myself out of porn. But only after reading many nofap threads i realized this peeping is still keeping me connected to my addiction, just waiting for the next life drama to pull me into a binge.
Well i stopped looking at porn and will never go back. I still have trouble not jacking off(no ejaculation) after doing tinder sex chats, but this is my next step to gain control off.
So stop peeping dude, because it will lure you in again.
D
Deleted Account
Guest
Excellent point.
D
Deleted Account
Guest
Xhamster has gotten bad for me...been chatting to local women on there, one wants to meet up at weekend when my wife and kids away. Temptation & urges strong, don't know what to do! It's like no PMO sends me real life temptations instead!
Healed!
Fapstronaut
Absolutely. One of the worst triggers.