Avoiding Day dreaming

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ASD_OZ, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. ASD_OZ

    ASD_OZ Fapstronaut

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    I have this problem where I day dreaming almost everyday and never aware of my existence until I get into social interactions.

    Now , the problem is that while I'm alone I need to take care of my life as any1 does.
    Thing is , I find myself day dreaming rather than finding the girl of my life , looking for a Job with great income and so on...

    It started irritating me when I did the NoFap challenge , because I was using my imagination to ... fap.
    I do want success with women, but my mind is always trying to suck me to my "sexual fantasies" that comes from my imagination.

    I found a way to force me to check if I'm in my imagination or not by timer that goes of every 15-25 minutes in my smart phone.
    In that way, I check myself if I imagine or not and when I do I stop immediately and focus on the 'NOW'.

    Is there any other way to counter such problem ?

    Update:14/1/2018
    My technique was very useful.
    I'm more than ever invested in reality than my fantasies.
    I do want to keep in mind that it is very important to set yourself goals along the way.
    As I switch from fantasy to reality, I remind myself of my daily goals and for 6 hours I never dream again. Even better is that I find myself less on Youtube to pass time :)

    I hope you all see you goals and grab on to them !!
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018
  2. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    There's a method used by people with anxiety called "grounding" that helps pull them from spiralling thoughts back into the moment.
    Name:
    Three things you see.
    Three things you feel (touch).
    Three things you hear.
    Three things you smell.
     
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Most recurring fantasies we have about ourselves are reactions to our insecurities. It can be a way of avoiding what is real and true for us in the moment, a way to live vicariously through the imagination. It's a way to feel a sense of accomplishment while avoiding the possible negative experiences of actually trying to achieve it in reality.

    Similar to getting dopamine hits from watching porn.
     
    Platan85, sectumsempra and ASD_OZ like this.
  4. ASD_OZ

    ASD_OZ Fapstronaut

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    True , I've done this since high school.
     
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You prefer the pain of not having a better reality while numbing it with daydreams over the pain of the possible pain / rejection / failure of living in reality. You fear that you won't be able to achieve your desires so you procrastinate. You're comparing how it's supposed to be (your daydreams) with how it really is (reality) and that paralyzes you. It leads you to be dissatisfied with the past and pessimistic about the future. You don't feel like taking action unless you can be certain that it leads to the ideal result. So you do the easy thing that you're certain will lead to you feeling good (daydreaming).

    There's no technique or special motivation. It's up to you if you want to get out of this habit. Up to you if you want to do the difficult task of actually living your life. If not, there's thousands of daydreams / tv / film / games / books / porn that's waiting for you. It's a matter of what you want and what you're willing to sacrifice for it.
     
    sectumsempra likes this.
  6. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    @ASD_OZ I identified with your post so much. I also go through the same day dreaming problems. I fantasise about girls to fap. Whole day I spend dreaming about my job, girls etc.
    It has become a time sucking habit to an extent that I can spend whole day daydreaming. I also keep regretting about my past mistakes and keep thinking about what could have been.
     
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If you really believed that you could have all your desires in life, then you wouldn't choose to escape reality. You either don't believe or you aren't willing to work for it.
     
  8. Grunge

    Grunge Fapstronaut

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    It's called "Maladaptive Daydreaming". I suggest you google that phrase for more information. Unfortunately only people who've experienced it will be able to understand how it differs from the "head in the clouds" stereotype and understand how in depth and intricate it actually is. As well as how destructive it can be to your social life and your will to experience life in the real world.
     
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    But can you really diagnose yourself to have maladaptive daydreaming or is it just something you can say that you have so that you can tell yourself that it's not your fault for daydreaming so much? I excessively daydreamed in the past. So I'm not trying to be an ass here.
     
    Bemybest likes this.
  10. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    By reading the subject line, I was thinking about other day dreaming which I do and hate it the most., Some times, often times, I just lie in bed and day dream about having a wife or GF and the cute stuff that I'd be doing. But in the end I realise its just a wishful thinking and feel equally disappointing at the end. F that shit. Instead what I should be doing is motivating myself to do better and form better habits and stick to them.
     
  11. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    I also felt reading about maladaptive daydreaming. Also, I feel it's more my fault that I go into a abyss of daydreaming about girls, my future and other stuff. I think I need to work internally on myself. I feel keeping yourself busy is the only solution but I stay at home as I am studying so I face the problem more.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  12. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    @Chappo030891 couldnt agree with you more. I keep finding an escape by this wishful daydreaming only to be dissappointed in the end with my present situation. I am also now concentrating on improving myself rather than just wasting my time
     
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  13. ASD_OZ

    ASD_OZ Fapstronaut

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    That is exactly what was happening to me when I was day dreaming.
    Feeling good until you realize it ain't real (and its depressing as hell).
    Its good to have goals in life , but visualizing them in your mind rather than making them real is the perfect recipe to
    depress you and making you lazy
     
    EyesToSeeEarsToHear likes this.
  14. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    I have this problem since 2013, 20 minutes ago I did not know it was a problem. Many times I hate myself for imagining perfect things, especially with girls (which obviously ended in sex) but also in "special" relationships, many times I got very sentimental, because it is very immersive, but the worst is when you "wake up" and you realize that all that will never happen, and you sink into depression, anyway, please I need help with this, because the daydreaming occasionally attacks me.
     
  15. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    This "daydream" along with the pmo, ruined my life. Now literally, I can not even get on a bus because I always thought that everyone would judge me by my weight or my height, or look a girl in the eye, or go to school, or walk down the street, or go out to the sidewalk from my house. All this because I got into a perfect world within me, only with daydreaming and the pmo and social pressure to have sex, go to parties, have a girlfriend, be very sociable. I hate all this, and at this moment I feel terrible anguish, I need help. I do not go to school thanks to the little desire to study, bullyng, social pressure, pmo, and daydreaming. I need a lot of help apparently.
     
  16. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    Please don't ruin your life. You are in the same dark place where I have been. I didn't go to college for one year after completing school due to fear of bullying, inferiority complex of height and weight etc.

    Just get this from my experience. They are only few people in the world who can channelise this negativity into positive outcome. Just remember, more the circumstances keep you down the greater is the urge to fight back.

    World is full of opportunities to go and achieve your full potential. Just identify your goals that make you improve yourself and keep working on them with dedication and perseverance.

    Hope you would learn from these testing times and come back stronger.

    Cheers!
     
    sectumsempra likes this.
  17. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for your advice friend, the truth that helped me. Well I will continue to live well. Thank you very much
     
    Bemybest likes this.
  18. Little kitty

    Little kitty Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,why you re not write your fantasy??? Maybe you can make interesting story or somedays you can sell your fantasy stories?when i was in high school,just like you,i day dreaming to every times(that make me have bad score in my report card beause i can't fokus on study).I realy enjoying it,i create my own world and i can be anything that i want.so i start to writing all of my fantasy.sometimes i give it to my friend(she in journalist club)to read it.now i'm a 25,and if i have a time alone i'll write and living in my fantasy world.i realy happy for who i am and i proud of it.day dreaming help me out from stress and i have power to move foward again.just see every thing in positive ways.don't compare your self to others and i hope we can have a good life.lets fight for it
     
  19. Mark85

    Mark85 Fapstronaut

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    Hello, thank you very much for answering. In part, it was a good thing to daydream but then it was horrible, because fantasies were good and all that, and then I sank into depression and unsociability by "waking up." I would like to moderate the daydreaming, but it is difficult for me. Thank you very much, I appreciate your help
     
    Bemybest likes this.
  20. Little kitty

    Little kitty Fapstronaut

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    Lets start with the small things that can make us happy and fell better.do you have some hoby?
     

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