Erick Pastora
Fapstronaut
Ok so I've been working on myself a lot for a while and I just had a really awesome revelation that had me thinking WOW. So if you've been someone whose been dealing anxiety, stress and frustration in everyday life and you feel like you can't relax, it's likely that you've found no answers as to why you feel this way.
When you start opening your eyes and figuring out why your life is what it is you'll find out that maybe you're making wrong assumptions, or that you're a control freak, or that you have low tolerance towards frustration. You'll be finding all this things as the roots of how bad you feel your life is. But there's till something that connects all of those symptoms to one cause and I think I've finally found the cause, and I don't mean literally the instant fix to every trouble you've ever had, I mean something that we're used to hear but never put into practice.
Think about it this way. You're a tree and all that it's seen it's the surface, and all the external part which is how other people see you without knowing the inside. Next, the inside is the roots which are all your internal aspects such as ideas and beliefs you have. So, the more the roots grow the more the tree grows and the way you're on the inside reflects on the outside, be it good or bad. But now, think about what's in between outside the surface and inside the surface. The seed. From the seed the roots grow and the more the roots grow the more the surface of the tree grows.
Now that you understand this analogy, here's the importance of the seed, which is in essence how you drive your life. And there's just two types of seed in which a tree grows. The seed of hate and the seed of love. That's it. Either your life is driven by self hate or by self love. This means that every single action you do you're doing it because you hate your life and want to change it or because you love your life and want to make it better.
Let me translate this to make it a little bit more relatable. A big scale example: you make a project on your own and want to put it into practice but it's very risky. You're afraid to fail because there's a big chance you'll fail. But the natural core principle here is: if I fail I won't love myself anymore. A small scale example: you are in McDonald's and you don't know what to order because you feel that if you order something which isn't as good as the thing someone else ordered you will feel like failure because you're not the best because you feel unworthy because you hate yourself and depend on how things go to be happy. You're basically saying that you don't like your life and every single decision you make has to be perfect or else you're not good enough.
Now let's talk about filling the void. We've established that there's people who act out of loving their life and people who act out of hating ther life. I'm going to focus on the latter. There's two kinds of people who hate their life: 1. Is the person who feels like there's no hope and doesn't even bother to find a way towards loving him or herself. This people are very dangerous to themselves because they're too cozy in negativity. They actually like hating their life, as crazy as it sounds. Let's call this kind of people the bitterness lover. 2. Is the people who actually realise they're hating themselves and their lives, so they work as hard as they can to get out of that position so they become outcome dependent. The thing about this people is that, even if they realise the value of hard working, they're very protected by ego and chase the phantom of "if I achieve my life will be great". Let's call this people the phantom chaser.
You may identify with the biterness lover, or the phantom chaser, or a combination of both. Even if the biterness lover may be somewhat more dangerous, both are intoxicated with self hate thoughts and neither will ever have self love if they continue acting this way. BUT there's a solution. Basically two things make you "fill the void" on the inside without relying on outside sources. First one is gratitude, which actually means appreciate every single thing you've got. You can have gratitude with God if you're religious and if you're not just be grateful with the universe, because like it or not, you're part of something greater. Second one is freedom from outcome, which is basically acting out of love, but I'll explain that later in this article.
So the basic gist of this thread is loving yourself unconditionally. This means, no self judgement and no regrets. Anything that you say and do, or anything that happens in your life, always keep in mind what Brian Tracy says is the most powerful phrase ever: "I like myself". NEVER ever ever let any situation make you stop loving yourself. In every situation you go through keep in mind that nothing is more important than loving yourself, that's why you do it unconditionally.
Now, what I mentioned earlier as freedom from outcome means basically: act out of love. Keep this phrase in mind every time you take action: "I do this because I love myself". It means doesn't matter the outcome, doesn't matter if I did it right or wrong, you acted because you love yourself and that doesn't ever have to change. Every time you're scared about doing something it means you've got something to lose. But it doesn't matter how much you lose if you don't lose your self love. So whenever you face a scary situation remember you're not doing it to love yourself but you're doing it because you love yourself.
The important thing to do is mirror talk. Every day look yourself in the mirror and tell to your eyes that you like yourself, that you act out of love and independent from outcome, and every time you take action and get out of your comfort zone look yourself in the mirror again and say "I did good".
Expectations are a biggie here. They can make you go easily from loving your life to hating your life. Don't have expectations, ever. Because from expectations comes disappointment and from disappointment comes hating your life and from hating your life comes hating yourself. Love the life you have and don't expect it to be what you imagine.
Also, denial can play a big role here. If you have expectations that don't happen, one very easy self defence mechanism is denial. If you don't accept the situation you're in you won't ever be able to change it. Accept yourself as who you are, good and bad. Work with what you've got and don't deny who you are or where you're at.
To conclude, this isn't the instant fix you're probably looking for. Because I know you're probably desperate for an instant solution, but there really isn't. It's a process and if you want the result you need to have patience and make loving yourself a habit until you can go this way year round.
Keep in mind that the only way for this to work is to make it a habit and to really believe in the words you tell yourself. Have hope that it will work and it will.
When you start opening your eyes and figuring out why your life is what it is you'll find out that maybe you're making wrong assumptions, or that you're a control freak, or that you have low tolerance towards frustration. You'll be finding all this things as the roots of how bad you feel your life is. But there's till something that connects all of those symptoms to one cause and I think I've finally found the cause, and I don't mean literally the instant fix to every trouble you've ever had, I mean something that we're used to hear but never put into practice.
Think about it this way. You're a tree and all that it's seen it's the surface, and all the external part which is how other people see you without knowing the inside. Next, the inside is the roots which are all your internal aspects such as ideas and beliefs you have. So, the more the roots grow the more the tree grows and the way you're on the inside reflects on the outside, be it good or bad. But now, think about what's in between outside the surface and inside the surface. The seed. From the seed the roots grow and the more the roots grow the more the surface of the tree grows.
Now that you understand this analogy, here's the importance of the seed, which is in essence how you drive your life. And there's just two types of seed in which a tree grows. The seed of hate and the seed of love. That's it. Either your life is driven by self hate or by self love. This means that every single action you do you're doing it because you hate your life and want to change it or because you love your life and want to make it better.
Let me translate this to make it a little bit more relatable. A big scale example: you make a project on your own and want to put it into practice but it's very risky. You're afraid to fail because there's a big chance you'll fail. But the natural core principle here is: if I fail I won't love myself anymore. A small scale example: you are in McDonald's and you don't know what to order because you feel that if you order something which isn't as good as the thing someone else ordered you will feel like failure because you're not the best because you feel unworthy because you hate yourself and depend on how things go to be happy. You're basically saying that you don't like your life and every single decision you make has to be perfect or else you're not good enough.
Now let's talk about filling the void. We've established that there's people who act out of loving their life and people who act out of hating ther life. I'm going to focus on the latter. There's two kinds of people who hate their life: 1. Is the person who feels like there's no hope and doesn't even bother to find a way towards loving him or herself. This people are very dangerous to themselves because they're too cozy in negativity. They actually like hating their life, as crazy as it sounds. Let's call this kind of people the bitterness lover. 2. Is the people who actually realise they're hating themselves and their lives, so they work as hard as they can to get out of that position so they become outcome dependent. The thing about this people is that, even if they realise the value of hard working, they're very protected by ego and chase the phantom of "if I achieve my life will be great". Let's call this people the phantom chaser.
You may identify with the biterness lover, or the phantom chaser, or a combination of both. Even if the biterness lover may be somewhat more dangerous, both are intoxicated with self hate thoughts and neither will ever have self love if they continue acting this way. BUT there's a solution. Basically two things make you "fill the void" on the inside without relying on outside sources. First one is gratitude, which actually means appreciate every single thing you've got. You can have gratitude with God if you're religious and if you're not just be grateful with the universe, because like it or not, you're part of something greater. Second one is freedom from outcome, which is basically acting out of love, but I'll explain that later in this article.
So the basic gist of this thread is loving yourself unconditionally. This means, no self judgement and no regrets. Anything that you say and do, or anything that happens in your life, always keep in mind what Brian Tracy says is the most powerful phrase ever: "I like myself". NEVER ever ever let any situation make you stop loving yourself. In every situation you go through keep in mind that nothing is more important than loving yourself, that's why you do it unconditionally.
Now, what I mentioned earlier as freedom from outcome means basically: act out of love. Keep this phrase in mind every time you take action: "I do this because I love myself". It means doesn't matter the outcome, doesn't matter if I did it right or wrong, you acted because you love yourself and that doesn't ever have to change. Every time you're scared about doing something it means you've got something to lose. But it doesn't matter how much you lose if you don't lose your self love. So whenever you face a scary situation remember you're not doing it to love yourself but you're doing it because you love yourself.
The important thing to do is mirror talk. Every day look yourself in the mirror and tell to your eyes that you like yourself, that you act out of love and independent from outcome, and every time you take action and get out of your comfort zone look yourself in the mirror again and say "I did good".
Expectations are a biggie here. They can make you go easily from loving your life to hating your life. Don't have expectations, ever. Because from expectations comes disappointment and from disappointment comes hating your life and from hating your life comes hating yourself. Love the life you have and don't expect it to be what you imagine.
Also, denial can play a big role here. If you have expectations that don't happen, one very easy self defence mechanism is denial. If you don't accept the situation you're in you won't ever be able to change it. Accept yourself as who you are, good and bad. Work with what you've got and don't deny who you are or where you're at.
To conclude, this isn't the instant fix you're probably looking for. Because I know you're probably desperate for an instant solution, but there really isn't. It's a process and if you want the result you need to have patience and make loving yourself a habit until you can go this way year round.
Keep in mind that the only way for this to work is to make it a habit and to really believe in the words you tell yourself. Have hope that it will work and it will.
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