Become the best version of myself

I am 30 years old. I still suffer from procrastination and lifestyle problems. I still don't have important life skills like time
Management. I live my life just for the sake of it.

I have tried to change numerous times unsuccessfully.

What should I do this time ?
How can I be different this time ?
Would I be able to change ever ?

I want to read books but I can't as I don't have the foucs left. I have the attention span of 2-3 minutes. I keep wasting my time on YouTube and tv shows whole day non stop for weeks. It is a very sad life that I live.

 

I will try again from today. Take baby steps to change myself.

 

I don't know how to utilise my time well. Recently, I fractured my arm and had to take medical leave from work.
Before that I was working and utilising my time well. I was in a good frame of mind. Feeling productive about myself.

But now sitting idle at home , I have restarted my addiction lifestyle where I just binge watch tv shows / YouTube surfing and porn.
I want to get out of this and become a productive version of myself.
It is like a drug addiction which I am not able to give up.

 

I want to have a productive life style. Utilise idle time by watching educational videos , read books but i don't have the patience left for it.

 

I have started with watching US History on Khan Academy. Will keep you updated on my lifestyle this time. I will try to reboot and recover again the umpteenth time.

 

Relapsed. Masturbated three times today while fantasizing a girl I was talking talking to on Tinder.

 

The fact that I have failed everytime i Previously tried to self control makes my resolve weak. I have little willpower left.
I need to take it one day at time.

 

How should I start my day today ?

Just got up half hour back and got hooked on social media.
I should have done yoga but now I don't feel like it.

Small goals for today

• No pmo
• No removal of screen time on iPad
• Watch some educational videos
• Read

 

I have been watching Mad men non stop since morning. I should be working on office work but I procrastinate it as there are three more days left.
It is really tough for me to do the right thing. I always take the easy way out and then feel keep feeling guilty the whole day.

 

Just PMOed talking to an ex. Did a bit of phone sex.

 

Wasted my whole day. Zero productivity. This could lead to serious relapse. I need to stop and restart from tomorrow. Otherwise , it could all go downhill.

 

Would start from now. Will read for half hour.

 

Talked to my psychologist. Stopped procrastinating and working on my work. Studied for 3 hours. Now , I feel positive about myself. I need the push when I start procrastinating on work.

 

There was some productivity today. Good day to start.

 

I have been watching tv shows since morning. Wasted my whole day.
Tried to watcha documentary on Russian History but they require patience and boring tbh. In their comparison I would always chose to watch show like Mad men.

 

I wasted my whole day and that triggered me to PMO.

 

Till now , I had been binge watching on iPad. But now I have turned screen time on and now I am watching educational videos on YouTube.

I need to change. I will change.

 

I have again wasted last 10 days just binge watching. I have recovered a bit where I am doing some productive things.

Biggest reason for being unproductive is that I am procrastinating on my office work.