Cake; after the crisis

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by 0111zerozero11, Jan 23, 2019.

  1. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Pssshhhhh. Me believe I'm worthless?!

    NEVAH!
    - thanks to people like you & others. Also, that therapist in my head likes to remind me I'm the bees knees ;)
     
  2. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Max, S&L, a couple of others (you included), & I were the best of friends in a past life. I'm convinced :)
    We must've been a force to be reckoned with & had the time of our lives.

    Thank you again for the constant inspiration. You're a good soul
     
  3. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I'm not good. I'll be good, I always am, but in this moment I want to sob into my pillow. I want to go into an open field & just scream as loud as I can. I want an apology. I just want this all to disappear as though it's never happened.

    It feels like I get the wind knocked out of me every single time. Every. Single. Time.

     
  4. I'm sorry. You are worth so much more than the pain your PA husband put you through.

    You will rise up .. you are better than this pain, this turmoil you are facing right now. There is light and hope and happiness at the end of this painful journey.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2019
  5. Max Fisher

    Max Fisher Fapstronaut

    giphy.gif
    You, shaking it off.
     
  6. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Thanks, friend...

    I know my worth & I'm pretty sure this is why my first reaction is to get pissed. Does he even realize what he had mentality. It pisses me off that time was taken from me. For what? Was it really worth losing your family over? All of this pisses me off & then before I know it, the feels hit. Never fails.

    Cake will bounce back ;)
     
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  7. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    TryingHard2Change and Max Fisher like this.
  8. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    God is giving me the best storm right now to wash away the negativity trying to creep back in.

    That God... always looking out for his Cake.

    Throwback Thursday

     
  9. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Replied to me, what about until death do us part?

    I need more rain.

     
    Max Fisher likes this.
  10. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Has anyone been through the entire grieving process from losing a life-changing relationship?

    Will I just wake up one day & it's over? Or, are there any signs I can maybe start watching for?

    Things are definitely getting better, but there are still those moments that intense sadness overtake me, uncontrollably. For example, passing the box my wedding ring sits in = instant tears. Seeing the kids playhouses & swingset in the backyard, untouched since last fall when everything fell apart = instant tears. Even seeing his stupid contact solution = tears. Random things & uncontrollable water releases.

    What happened to strong Cake?

    #alexgivememynamebackimamesskthx
     
    Strength And Light likes this.
  11. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    That was exactly my thinking on the matter.

    But, I've already died.
     
  12. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Also, I'm happy to see you back, however brief it may be :)
     
    Rambling Man likes this.
  13. From June 1, 2017 - today (Feb 21, 2019) my wife has been through a long grieving process...still in it I believe. I think it slowly gets better.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  14. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Oh, dear God.
    I don't have time for that.....
    Guess I have to clear my schedule, huh?
     
  15. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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  16. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    I don't think grieving and feeling sadness is any indication of weakness. Strong Cake is the one grieving, going through the sadness, processing the pain. Weak Cake is the one who may have been putting off ending the relationship because she was afraid of the sadness and pain ending it would bring. This process of grieving is you not only mourning the loss of your relationship, but it's also you putting Weak Cake out to pasture.

    Grief comes in waves. Everyone processes if differently and it's different for each unique thing that's being grieved. There's no wrong way to grieve, so whatever you're going through is natural and normal and progress is being made even though it may feel never-ending.

    Most days are going to be better than the ones previous. Snowball effect. 401K effect. It's slow going until suddenly it's not.

    <Virtual hug here>
     
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  17. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I wondered what squeezed me ;)

    You're the best. Thx, friend
     
  18. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I like my inner therapist, I really do. She lets me cry, cuss, ask her 500 questions in rapid succession, listens to my music, & is always on call. She does get me a little heated at times.... like when I ask her what do I do now? I know what this experience has taught me but wtf do I do now? What's my purpose? Girlfriend ghosts me every single time I ask these things. I think she's trying to tell me something.

    I'm stuck. For a decade I forgot who I was. As the real Cake starts to come back so does the flood of the girl I once was & her dreams. It gets overwhelming at times because a part of me still questions what is real & what I falsely believed about myself. Quite often I have to really think is this the Cake before she got smashed or after she got remade into an even better Cake?

    Who is Cake now that she's in control of her own life? What can Cake offer?

    I know for certain these things:

    - I want my life to mean something; I want to leave an impression on those that come long after we're gone.
    - I want this impression I leave to be because it changes someone's life; to guide someone towards the kind of life that's fulfilling & rewarding.
    - I want to be fulfilled & happy while serving my purpose; I don't want to be in the rat race
    - I won't settle

    I think I may know my purpose but I am clueless on how to bring it to fruition. I don't even know where I belong in society.

    Here's my spirit animal giving me life. God bless her.



    You took my sadness out of context
    At the Mariners Apartment Complex
    I ain't no candle in the wind I'm the board, the lightning, the thunder
    Kind of girl who's gonna make you wonder Who you are and who you've been
    And who I've been is with you on these beaches
    Your Venice bitch, your die-hard, your weakness
    Maybe I could save you from your sins
    So, kiss the sky and whisper to Jesus
    My, my, my, you found this, you need this Take a deep breath, baby, let me in
    You lose your way, just take my hand You're lost at sea, then I'll command your boat to me again
    Don't look too far, right where you are, that's where I am I'm your man I'm your man
    They mistook my kindness for weakness
    I fucked up, I know that, but Jesus
    Can't a girl just do the best she can?
    Catch a wave and take in the sweetness Think about it, the darkness, the deepness All the things that make me who I am
    And who I am is a big-time believer
    That people can change, but you don't have to leave her
    When everyone's talking, you can make a stand
    'Cause even in the dark I feel your resistance
    You can see my heart burning in the distance
    Baby, baby, baby, I'm your man (yeah)
    You lose your way, just take my hand You're lost at sea, then I'll command your boat to me again
    Don't look too far, right where you are, that's where I am
    I'm your man I'm your man
    Catch a wave and take in the sweetness Take in the sweetness
    You want this, you need this
    Are you ready for it? Are you ready for it? Are you ready for it?
     
  19. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Is there a full moon?

    It has been one of the most peculiar weeks I think I've had in quite some time.

    Curiouser & curiouser

     
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  20. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I spent this morning at a co-parenting class for the big D. There were 9 females in it, all either in the middle of a divorce or have had it recently finalized.

    I shit you not, more than half of the women spoke of filing for divorce bc of porn, cheating, or just overall shitty sexual behavior.

    I was shocked. I probably shouldn't have been given what I read here, but I sat there with my jaw on the floor thinking No way. You too?!?

    2 of them had stories so similar to mine, it was almost unbelievable.

    So, yes. This is an epidemic tearing apart families. 3 out of 9 had their basic human rights to privacy taken from them by their husbands.

    I wrote a little note to the 2 others that had stories like mine. I gave them this website address & said how it has saved me during & after my life went up in flames due to sex/porn addiction.

    I hope they take the plunge & come heal.
     

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