Hey guys, I'm 30 years old and I've been heavily into PMO for 12 years straight (at least once a day on average). I started watching porn only at 18, but used to masturbate since when i was 10 years old-or-so, mostly by just fantasizing, and later watching some sex scenes in Hollywood movies (which I guess still counts as porn?). 5 months ago, I had sex for the first time and I couldn't get it up. It wasn't completely soft, but my erection kept coming and going for a few seconds. But when I'm watching porn, I could keep it up for the entire duration of masturbation. So I know there's nothing physically wrong with me since it does work when I'm jerking off to porn. I've had 5 encounters with the same girl since the last 5 months, and I've never been able to get completely hard and I found penetration impossible. So I turned to this site to see a lot of you others having similar problems. I've been off PMO for the last 20 days approx, and during this time, I mostly never felt horny. But sometimes, like right now, I feel a huge urge to masturbate, though I'm soft down there. The girl just broke up with me for other reasons, and this is also causing me some mental trauma, and desperately feel like watching porn again. But a part of me says she could come back, as we've been friends for over 10 years and we've been on and off for so many times (not sex, just as friends. We only started having sex 5 months ago). So there is a possibility of her coming back in the next few months.I might also be in depression because I'm having abundant dreams about that girl, or sometimes death of a relative. My question here is, I've heard a few people say, not masturbating at all, might result in loss of libido, which I fear, because I've been comparatively far less horny than I used to be, and have laid off of porn for nearly a month now and I only felt the urge to masturbate twice or thrice after the first week. I've also ordered a sex toy few days ago (like a doll, only it's got just the vagina area), so I can practice my penetration in it without porn. When could I start masturbating again with the toy? Because I find masturbation does help me a lot with stress and just makes me feel happy, but I realize porn has led to ED, that I decided to completely turn off porn for life. I've heard some people here say one should go approx 90 days so you can 'reboot' your brain and it varies from person to person. When would I know when my brain has rebooted? Also, previously when I've tried to abstain from porn a few days, I kept having blue balls every single time that I just forget the idea of abstaining from PMO, but this time I didn't have blue balls so I'm worried if something's wrong. Thanks so much for reading.
I posted this in another thread it seems appropriate here too... What you are experiencing is a term called blue balls. Here’s one explanation http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/q-and-a/a815/blue-balls/ It will go away on its own you don’t need to relapse. Actually I had blue balls a few days ago I just waited it out. Masturbating without porn is an illusion. In most cases you need to create a fantasy in your head to arouse yourself which is basically the same as porn. All you are going to do is get your body used to your touch only which means ED when your with a girl. Best to avoid all PMO. I am doing a 90 day reeboot. You are currently in a flatlined state which is why you have no libido. I had no libido, morning wood, couldn’t get hard for penetration, PIED. It took me about 60 days of no PMO to get it all back. I’m not too sure about the sex toys... I used to use flesh light years ago but now I think the real thing is better especially if you don’t want to have ED again.
Thanks for the reply.. Of course the real thing is better than a sex toy that looks like a vagina, but I live in India, and getting girls is definitely not an easy thing here. And for now, I don't want to get other girls anyway because I'm in love with the girl I just mentioned above, so at least for a few months I won't be able to have any sort of real action with any partner. You say it took you 60 days to get it all back. But you're going for a 90 day reboot? Why's that? Isn't it already rebooted when you got it all back in 60 days? And I'm assuming you had sex in 60 days. Well, for me, I won't be able to have sex for a few months, or for God knows, even atleast a year more or longer, for I may not find a girl to have sex with until I get married, for the reasons mentioned above, but I was just hoping the vagina toy would help me practice penetration while I fantasized the girl I love. If I may ask, is there any sign when you knew you got it all back? (which is what I thought is rebooting, or am I wrong?). Because I do want to end this abstinence once I know I can. (Of course, staying away from porn.) Is it when I get really horny looking at any girl on the street? Because I have no such interest in it right now, but I did a few years ago. I think porn de sensitized me to real women.
NoFap has a page on rebooting here https://www.nofap.com/rebooting/ "NoFap’s gold standard of success is our 90-day reboot. Ninety days is a challenge duration that is difficult for most, yet achievable. It’s also sufficiently long that most users see marked improvement in their well-being once they’ve achieved victory. Some rebooters will start with this 90-day challenge only to reevaluate towards the end that extending their challenge would be of benefit." No I haven't had any sex over these 86/90 days as of right now. I'm single i don't even have a GF, which is making it easier for me i believe. No distractions. The rebooting is different for everyone im sure we all have our own success stories. For me the way i can tell that i have more or less rebooted is when I can automatically get hard enough for penetration without the need for any porn or masturbation. Let me explain. So before i started this 90 day reboot i was completely flatlined. No libido, or morning wood i could not even get it up anymore even with lots of manual fapping. I could watch lots of porn and i just felt numb despite fapping off for hours it was dead down there. Nothing could turn me on enough to get it up. Now i can get hard automatically just by either thinking of something sexual or seeing something that arouses me like a girl im attracted to on the street. I dont even need to touch myself down there i can just get hard without any sort of physical contact its all mental. I have gone from having a feeling of nothing down there to being the biggest it has been in months! So when i do try to have sex again it should be much easier. Just imagine how hard you can get when you have that physical contact from someone combined with a healthy mental state which allows for you to naturally get hard just by thinking!
Ah now your story makes total sense. And I'm happy that you're cured, and I wish to be too.. But isn't it also a bad thing for this total semen retention for a long period of time? Because I used to get wet dreams before, but I haven't gotten one in these 20 days (though I had one just last night but I knew it was a dream and I consciously woke up for a few seconds and then went back to sleep to dream something else).
No i don't think semen retention is a bad thing. If you read that article i posted it explains it. It's like when you have blue balls it eventually goes away.
It's not just about blue balls. Considering I don't have blue balls right now, that doesn't seem to be a problem for me right now. I'm talking medically. I heard it's just bad for you body to keep all that semen stored up. Edit : I googled to find out there are some health benefits to semen retention as well. I think I'll try it out and see how it works out. Thanks for your help man.
HOw long do i have to stop smoking crack b4 i can safely smoke crack again? THe answer is Never! Why fap ever again? The point of rebooting is not so then you can go back to porn and fapping. Its to reboot your brain and get free of your addiction to porn and fapping. Have sex with a girlfriend instead. If you dont have one, work on improving your life until you are worthy of earning one based on the value you are. Toss out the sex toy. Its just a crack pipe.
I clearly said I'm quitting porn. As for M and O, I think they aren't the reason for my ED as long as I keep it under control (maybe once or twice a week, that even some people recommend). It's the visual stimulus I think has caused me the problem , because I have to watch a ton of videos before I could really get in the mood, even fast forwarding most of it just so I can see just the interesting bits. Thanks for your input anyway. I will report how it goes if I just quit porn but kept M and O after a reboot.
Yeah, I shall wait it out between 1-3 months, depending on when I start getting automatic erections like what Superninjared said above. Thank you for re confirming....
Hey there. I’m with you, friend. On the same journey. I too believe porn messed me up not MO. I’m 2 weeks in with no P. I’ve gone back and forth with wuitting MO. It’s not resonating with me right now. Maybe I will feel differently down the road. If I can maintain an erection during real sex and MO 1-2x/week then right now that would be steps forward for me. We all have our own paths. Start where it feels right for you and see what you discover. I’m going to follow you so we can support each other thru the process. Glad ur here!
MO can be a problem I think, with death grip, our hands much tighter than a vagina. I’d say go hard mode 90 clean, no nothing for those days to let your dink rest
Pretty much the same case and started around the same time too eh lol. Well Good Luck to the both of us
Yeah I'm planning for 90 days but my goal is to just go until I feel I've rebooted. Also, I bought a sex toy just for that purpose. No hands. But I won't be using it until I'm sure I've rebooted.
Just to let you know, 90 days is an arbitrary number, I think it’s more for stopping a bad habit. But to MO after 90 days may be okay, just don’t use P anymore
Yeah, no more porn for sure. I deleted my folders and history of all that stuff. As for the 90 days, yeah you may be right, but if I could really make it to that point, and if see any benefits, I might even continue abstinence. If I feel there's no real impact or not a worthy enough one, I'll just carry on with M and O with the vagina toy without using my hands..
Well, remember this, the benefits probably come slow like it does before the first 90, gotta go another 90 to see more after the first 90... haha hope that made sense But you’re on the right track, abstain as long as you can, at least a month after each orgasm, that’s my opinion though
