Dead to Sin and Alive in Christ

I have been feeling a bit more temptation lately myself and I can see I need to examine and fortify my heart. I can be more mindful of where my heart is leaning. The Pharisees also prayed, they went to Synagogue weekly and they studied the Torah. They wore phylacteries with scripture verses on their foreheads. However, their hearts and minds were not filled with love for God the Father. Dear Lord, remind me that it is not about the going through the motions of a prayerful life, it is about kindling a burning desire for You within me. With You all things are possible, without You, I am nothing.

 

So when you went years without relapsing, where you doing the same things you are doing now. Or has something changed that could have had an influence on relapses?

 

None of us get very far without God's forgiveness and grace. We rely on it to see us through each day. And we grow in wisdom and maturity, day by day, slowly learning over time that there can not possibly be any better way than his.

 

Ours is an addiction. As such, it is unlikely that there is a cure. I love being free from this sin but I hold no illusions about the possibility I could fall again. I cannot become complacent for I will certainly fall. Consider the story of St. Mark Ji Tiangxiang. St. Mark was a doctor in 19th century China. He contracted a serious and painful disease and he was prescribed opium as a cure. Unfortunately, he became addicted to the drug. He tried to quit continuously but failed. Nevertheless he never quit practicing his faith and ultimately he was martyred for it during the Boxer rebellion.

Dear Lord, let us never stop striving to break free from this sin but most importantly never let us be parted from you. St. Mark, please pray for us.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you were relapsing pretty bad this month. When I would relapse, the relapse would span a few days too sometimes. This was somewhat because my relapse usually involved sexting women who would encourage my behavior. With the encouragement, I would feel more tempted to engage in the same sexual behavior on the next day. These women would also misinform me about my sexuality or express that they knew more about my own sexuality than I knew.

I used to relapse with porn, but that stopped more than a hundred days ago. I believe porn promotes crime, prostitution, and STIs. Porn is horrible and has no value. It's just a bunch of actors with wigs and implants. Why would I want to watch a video about a man who paid 100$ for a severe strand of herpes? Why should I get excited for that?

 

So good!

 

Pouring light and truth on it is a good decision. What now?

 

Saint Peter was given an extremely rare opportunity. He was chosen by Christ and he walked alongside Him for three years. He heard Christ's word, he received Christ's teachings first hand, he saw Christ's miracles, he felt Christ's intense love and he recognized that Christ was the Messiah. Yet, despite that amazing education and Christ's perfect love, when he was challenged he denied Christ three times.

Peter was filled with remorse and guilt over this but unlike Judas, who was also filled with guilt and remorse, Peter then called on God for help through prayer. Both Judas and Peter were ashamed of themselves but Peter asked for forgiveness, received the Holy Spirit, and as far as we know, never again did he rely on himself and forget that his strength came from God alone.

If we are filled with remorse because of our lack of willpower, could it be we are relying too much on your own willpower rather than trusting in God? We are human, we are weak, why does it surprise us when we fall? I wonder how many times I have to keep proving this to myself? Only God is trustworthy. I pray we all learn to mistrust ourselves and call on God to lead us away from our temptations.

 

Did you learn anything useful from this fall?

 

I'm sorry to hear that brother.
Do you have a brother there you can visit, vent your whole heart with and pray with?
That's so releasing and helping in the recovery after a relapse.

 

I agree with clinging to the promises of the gospel and that reading Romans helps.

But ignoring your emotions? Can you explain further what you mean by this idea?