Failed Miserably, Changing my Life for the Better

The last 12 hours have been absolutely terrible. I went to be bed happy. The last couple months have been going really well for me. Not only with NoFap, but I had been enjoying life in general. My grades in school are actually decent. I'm not failing any classes. I won a competition at my school. I think I'm falling in love with a girl. I had been accepted by the college of my choice. It's like for the first time in forever I'm actually pretty happy with my life. It just felt really good to not be absolutely miserable. Well that all changed last night. I have this issue where occasionally I subconsciously masturbate in my sleep. All of a sudden I wake up in my bed, completely naked, with my hand around my penis and semen coming out of it. I almost always wake up at the point of ejaculation. Well that is what happened last night, except I woke up before the point of orgasm. So since I had already been touching myself I thought "Why not finish the job". Now what I just described is not at all what usually happens. 9 times out of 10 I wake up at the point of orgasm and don't even remember taking off my pajamas or touching myself. Next thing I know I'm running downstairs to grab my cell phone to browse pictures of girls in bikinis. I'm 17 years old and a lot of the girls I'm friends with post pictures of themselves in bikinis on social media. So I browsed these girls profiles for the perfect picture and masturbated to it. I also spent some time of my favorite dating app called meetme. I don't know what was going through my head. I must've been incredibly horny because I messaged several girls asking them if they would want to meet and fuck. Keep in mind this is at 2 or 3 in the morning. One girl must've reported me because I ended up being blocked from messaging anyone on the app for 24 hours. After that incident I went back on Facebook and once more masturbated to another picture of a girl in a bikini. This was bad enough, but I had decided to not consider this to be a relapse since I technically had not watched any porn. I viewed porn substitutes, but not any actual porn. I also decided not to call it a relapse based on the fact that I had started to masturbate in my sleep. I wasn't awake and suddenly decided to masturbate. It started in my sleep. So I wake up the next morning and remembered what had happened, but decided to just let it go. So I went to church this morning. I came back and spent time watching the NASCAR pre race show. Then as the race was about to start I got an intense urge to PMO. Never at any point did I try to prevent myself from PMOing. I went straight to my computer, browsed for some porn, and masturbated to it. I ended up PMOing twice. I am just incredibly disappointed with myself. I had made so much progress over the past year with NoFap and preventing myself from PMOing. It had been along time since I had last watched porn or intentionally masturbated. I couldn't even't remember my last relapse. It was almost two months ago. Honestly after I had masturbated the porn was just disgusting. I couldn't even look at it anymore. This PMO addiction could lead to so many horrible things I'm just going to put a stop to it now. It was a huge mistake to reach for my phone in bed last night and look at porn subs. I need to remember to never use my phone in bed for any reason. What I did is not acceptable, but i'm going to use it as a lesson learned and continue my fight against my PMO addiction. I'm strong, determined, and never looking back. I'm not going to accept porn and masturbation as a part of my life. A healthy lifestyle doesn't consist of masturbating and watching porn. Porn makes us weak and controlled and I refuse to be either of those things. I'm fed up and sick of porn. I've made a lot of progress in the past year and it's about time I got porn out of my life for good. At this point it's either I destroy my addiction or I let it destroy me. The second one isn't an option. It's the final round of this battle. I'm not about to surrender. I will never intentionally masturbate or watch porn again. I've decided I'm going to delete the meetme app. It's a huge waste of time and I find it somewhat triggering also. I have no reason to even be on there. I definitely think I need to pray more read the bible to become closer to god. I believe improving my religious faith can help me in this fight. I also think if I get more exercise I'll be less likely to PMO. A couple months ago I started lifting weights and fell in love with it. I'm thinking about joining a local gym. Finally I just need to remind myself of two basic principals that have helped me tremendously in my battle against PMO. I need to remember to never look at porn subs. That has led to many relapses in the past for me. I also need to remember that if I get an urge I need to immediately stop thinking about the urge and find something to do. I can't wait around and contemplate about whether I should PMO or not. I need to stop myself RIGHT AWAY. Any thoughts about sex, porn, or masturbation can lead me to relapse. I'm hoping now I really learned from my mistakes and finally put this addiction in the rearview mirror because I'm heading full speed towards a fulfilling life free from porn and masturbation. Nothing can stop me now!