Fantasies about my crush, trigger or not?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by LilD, Jan 7, 2018.

Do you consider fantasizing about your crush a trigger? (Not in relationships, haven't confessed)

  1. Yes

    18 vote(s)
    64.3%
  2. No

    10 vote(s)
    35.7%
  1. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    I practice abstaining from erotic/sexual fantasies, and also from checking out photos of women (even if clothed) on social networks.

    Recently, I started to like a girl who I know for quite a long time already. Due to my addiction to porn, I haven't really thought about real women, but since I started my reboot process, and due to some events which made me talk to her a bit more, I started considering asking her out.

    So, the thing is, my fantasies are now only focused on her. I try to suppress the erotic/sexual ones, but I still imagine stupid things like being on a date with her or even us getting married. Before, I tried to avoid romantic fantasies as well, but those fantasies from before weren't so strong and were never focused on a real person.

    I also found her Facebook page, sent her a friend request (she hasn't checked it yet, it seems), and then I watched all of her photos. There are none erotic ones, but I did check her body for sure.

    So, I have violated my 2 rules:
    1. I've binged on my fantasies, including some erotic ones
    2. I've been looking at girl's photos online, checking out her body
    However, this doesn't make me feel like I want to watch any porn. At least not directly, because there is no porn featuring her. (That's a good thing!) But certainly, it makes me horny.

    I don't want to treat her as a sexual object, even though I already did this before I started rebooting. I feel very pathetic fantasizing about all this romantic stuff, because I've only ever dated a girl once for a short period of time, many years ago, and I don't know much about dating. I don't even know if she likes me. I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate me or anything like that, but maybe she's just being friendly without anything else in her mind.

    So, I wanted to ask you, friends, if you had similar experiences. Do you consider that triggers? What did you do about it?
     
    MatthewGrün likes this.
  2. MatthewGrün

    MatthewGrün Fapstronaut

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    If by trigger a thought tempting you to your old ways then yes it is a trigger. The simplest way I can put it about what I do about my “triggers” is recognize them for what they really are; they are thoughts and I have found that subduing my thoughts has helped to seize the impure ones. Most importantly, be on guard.

    But in my opinion, you haven’t done anything wrong. I can go on about why you aren’t.
     
    LilD likes this.
  3. Wombo

    Wombo Fapstronaut

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    I got this reference from a book I just read. You can see NoFap as a frozen pond. Relapsing is the water under the ice, the ice is your willpower, and stones are in this example sexual triggers. If you put a stone on the ice, the tention increases, and if there are too many stones, your willpower gives up and you end up relapsing. I think you can compare this situation with a pebble, but if you keep thinking about her, the tention will build up over time and might, combined with other triggers, end up with in a relapse.
     
    Rocky11234, LilD and MatthewGrün like this.
  4. MatthewGrün

    MatthewGrün Fapstronaut

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    Exactly Wombo, build your nofap upon solid ground such as rock and not sand.
     
    Wombo likes this.
  5. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

  6. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    It may not trigger sexual, physical masturbation, but it is effectively emotional, psychological masturbation.

    In another thread this came up as a part of a reply I posted. When I look back a times when I've been really into someone, objectively I have to say a kind of objectification did happen, an OCD idealization when it could be VERY far from the truth. Just because it is a psychological fantasy and therefore not really the focus for this community it doesn't necessarily mean it is a good thing.

    Of course the fact that you are posting about it says you are aware and I don't expect it to be an issue for you necessarily, but I feel it's good to be aware of this. Many might say this kind of fantasizing is harmless and I have had that in the past when I was younger, like even just imagining grocery shopping with a girl, but it is ultimately just that - fantasy.
     
    LilD likes this.
  7. Marcothebest_1995

    Marcothebest_1995 Fapstronaut

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    It is a trigger that can lead to a potential relapse, but what is more important is how you manage it.
    I sometimes have fantasies also about real girls, I just warn myself and tell me that I'd better to move to other thoughts.

    But it is nothing to feel guilt about
     
    Hitto and LilD like this.
  8. Sôgmô Gray Lock

    Sôgmô Gray Lock Fapstronaut

    Yes. Fantasizing is a no-no for me.
     
  9. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    This is deep, man! I agree 100%.
     
    MarkTT52947 likes this.
  10. MarkTT52947

    MarkTT52947 Fapstronaut

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    you do not know this woman. You have no kind of human interaction with this woman so you are pornographizing her none the less. You separate sexuality and relationship from real life and let it live in fantasy and premasturbatory getting turned on.

    It separates you from doing the work it takes to face life and develop human relations with a woman and probably with male friends and probbly the most strongly from accepting that you are a good and worthy person who deserves a real love friendship and sexual relationship''

    stop this cyber stalking of this woman and talk to a real person in person!
     
  11. Player 1

    Player 1 Fapstronaut

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    Fantasizing is bad for reboot, it keeps feeding the addiction. More you fantasize, more it leads you to get support to relapse on. Fantasizing brings the urges, it always comes first so it's hard to prevent on sight.

    The best way to fight back is to constantly try to forget this girl you're obsessed with, especially if there is nothing concrete between you and her. Loop your serious reasons to stop this madness in your head.
     
    Rising Force likes this.
  12. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    That is too many assumptions.

    We meet 1 or 2 times a week. We know each other for a while and actually, I know quite a lot about her and she knows a lot about me. She even knows I'm trying to stay clean from porn and masturbation. :D

    Well, my plan is to try to make friends, at least. Maybe there is a chance that we can be together. :p I try to stop my fantasies, but certainly, I will not forget about her, at least because I will see her soon anyway.
     
  13. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    As soon as I do that I realize I'm not in the present moment and try to think about something else built there is no guilt but it's happening even more now at the gym I think my libido is gong up ever since my current streak almost a year now
     
  14. MarkTT52947

    MarkTT52947 Fapstronaut

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    Fantacizing is exercising the same chemical and mental reflexes that you are trying to escape by rebooting. Detox, clean up, destroy them, assess where you need to grow to fill the space that porn left

    You are not trying to find a cleaner more social acceptble way to pornographize your sex or other people, YOU NEED TO GROW
     
    Hitto and WillFightOut like this.
  15. MyOwnControl2018

    MyOwnControl2018 Fapstronaut

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    Well, it seems to me like you are building a connection with a real person and want her to be a part of your life. Ain't nothing wrong with that!! It's ok to think about real women. They are beautiful!!

    Instead of focusing on your fantasies and feeling guilty, accept them as a natural reaction to a fulfilling relationship. Just become the best version of yourself that you can be and be confident in your actions/decisions. Women love that!

    Then maybe she'll start to fantasize about you ;)
     
    anje and Joggyd like this.
  16. Joggyd

    Joggyd Fapstronaut

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    Use this "trigger" to your advantage!!! Go talk to her!!! Put in the work to get the reward (the real reward)
     
  17. MyOwnControl2018

    MyOwnControl2018 Fapstronaut

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    Yes!! This is what you gotta do! Great advice
     
  18. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    lol I love this forum keeps me grounded I deleted my dating apps and I know why I keep going back to them when I feel lonely or the morning after a late night drinking binge so I'm more aware now
     
    Wombo likes this.
  19. Devil's Details

    Devil's Details Fapstronaut

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    Don't practice what you don't want to become.

    Be aware that many dudes here are essentially practicing becoming monks by eliminating all sexual thoughts, period.
    If you want to go that route, then that's the way you should regard your fantasies.
    If you want to be a normal functioning human being, on the other hand...
     
    MyOwnControl2018 likes this.
  20. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Last two evenings, when I was in bed, it was really difficult to not think about her. During the day I keep myself busy and it's mostly fine, but nights are tough... It's not even sexual fantasies anymore, I just imagine talking to her, being on a date, or even having a vacation together on some f-ing islands.

    I've sent her friend request on 2 social networks, but she hasn't responded yet.

    I talked to my more experienced friend and he agreed I might be in love for the first time in my life.
     

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