First Day

Hey Guys,
let me start off by saying that i see myself as a REALLY messed up dude, who've been going through life without any drive, now dont get me wrong, i know what i want, like seriously detailed stuff, BUT (there is always the "but") masturbation and porn addiction has taken it's toll on me since the age of 13 or even younger ,to be honest i lost track (im 24 now). what you should know though, is that i watch huge amounts of porn, like i dont go to the universety, i have no clu what so ever what the courses i took and what they are talking about (i study civil engineering, masters degree and frankly it's amazing that i got this far in life cause i shouldn't be here right now), i struggle financially (i work part time either as a waiter or a handy man). guys i live in germany now, i came from north africa. i have a loving mother that i lie to all the time saying im studying and doing my best, and a girlfriend with whom im in a distant relationship to whom i'm also lying. Frankly i see myself as a monster, i tried stoping mastubation and porn but all my attempts are in vain the moment i face a struggle or feel depressed. guys, i'm sooo messed up that i have a test in 10 hours (it's 01:00 here in germany), for which im not even prepared. my drug? masturbation, no ending, like 5 to 6 times a day and watch all kinds of porn (regular, softcore, hardcore, feet, cuckold, sissy hypno, gay, hentai, futanari) but mostely transwoman porn (that i discovered when i was 17 or so). you can only imagine the damge that i'm doing to my body daily, from elbow to backpain etc. i get mentally damaged too, you know, low selfesteem and all that. i got a facebook account just to meet and see transwomen, and i enter chatrooms just to chat with girls or maybe meet transwomen. again, i know what you're probably thinking, "wtf is wrong with this guy", well to be honest im asking myself the same question. i tried a thousand times to stop, but every attempt till now has been a failure. guys, i just finished fapping 30 min ago, i joined this community 15 min ago, i decided to join this community 4 hours ago. guys, one thing i'm proud to say, i'm a stubborn bastard, i still wanna stop. i know the journey will be EXTREMELY hard, but im counting on the support of this community. Guys, i spoke my mind for the first time in my life, it really feels good, and it's also because i am anonymous here. you may call me "Phoenix", that's the name i chose because i wanna rise and be stronger. i hope i get to hear from you guys.
yours truly,
Phoenix Strong
i will succeed

 

thx Man, i really appriciate the support!

 

thanks for the advice, man, apprciate it! i didnt PMO today!

 

thx man, actually, right now, i dont have no plan, i'm just concentrating on the exams that i got right now, like really focus, i mean i failed 1 semester, i dont need to fail another one, each time i feel like drifting i will come here! as for today, up until now im clean

 

hey, man, our addiction is bad, seriously, we gotta wake up and stop, we can do it, we will do it, and we'll be success strories cause no matter how hard you fall, the important thing is to get up and keep going!!!

 

yes Sir, will do, thanks