Going on a 50 day streak

Do you have people you talk to about this? Loved ones or social workers that help you further?

 

I agree, maybe rehab, a support group, therapy, all sound like a great healthy idea. I know any concrete help always helped me along the way

 

I realise my paragraph has been misunderstood. I was kind of mocking the stereotypical situation of weed vs alcohol. I only smoke on the occasion with one particular friend which is once every few months. I don't smoke otherwise. I wrote it on the basis of taking the piss out of drunk people if anything. I appreciate your reply though, very informative and I actually agree with you, we stand on the same branch.

*I don't use drugs as a substance to help me in any form. As mentioned, I enjoy the once in a blue moon occasion with this one particular friend as we use it to light up a joint and just have fun. We keep it simple, no drama.

 

Day 34

Absolutely no urges yesterday. Yesterday I told you about my thought experiment and it works wonders for me. I spent time writing texts for my new website and prepared a bit for my presentation coming Friday. Because I was not satisfied, I worked late and started cooking at 8 PM.

Work out:
Went for my evening walk. I also did a brief dumbbell workout.

Netflix:
It was no problem to stick to the hour of Netflix yesterday.

Meditation:
I did a 15 minute meditation and practised self enquiry. I continued to ask myself all kind of questions and I had difficulty focusing.

Your Brain On Porn / Study:
Didn't read YBOP, but read some stories on NoFap. Read some newer posts about how P addiction has ruined our lives and how some of us are lying about it to our loved ones. This brought be right back to my day 1, and the reason why I started doing NoFap.

Sleep + evening routine:
Started my evening routine a late and rushed a bit through it. I went to bed early so I'm happy to have this routine. I used to really hate too much routine in my life, as I was convinced that life needs to be new and spontaneous. However, I have seen in my reboot that my routine needs to be done precisely for it to stick

 

Not yet, but after what happened last time I decided to talk it through with my mom... the thought still freaks me out but I know I have to, I no longer believe I can get through this on my own.

 

THE VANQUI JOURNAL
Day 22 (10/05/23)
THE STREAK CONTINUES!

PMO - No updates tbh. It's been one of those days where you completely forget about PMO and it's just nice. If I can have these types of days more regularly that would be great. I will say, I didn't get in a sufficient amount of sleep last night. I think I slept for 7hrs 1/2 which is not bad but I woke up to the alarm so it was a bit meh. In terms of sleep consistency I'm doing a lot better but there is still so much room for improvement especially actually settling down for bed at 22:30 rather than 23:00.

GENERAL - Woke up, 4 hours of chemistry, just finished with the gym and now I need to focus on my practical science project for 1hr or so. Might watch the UCL semi-final second half if I have time.

*I've also realised the contrast between today and yesterday or even day 19. Weird to think how certain days it's a struggle to get through and other days you have full control and there is nothing to worry about. Not saying today has been easy but avoiding triggers really helps.

 

Today I admitted my addiction to my mom. She was more understanding than I had expected, though (understandably given that she never experienced addiction) she didn't have many suggestions. But something that somehow came out of it is that I'm not gonna use screens on my own for the next two months starting tomorrow. I don't actually *need* it and it somehow always leads to either wasting time or slipping into PMO again. I hope this will help me confront my emotions that I often run away from when using the screens. Also collected some St. John's Wort and set up a tincture just in case in few weeks the underlying long ignored emotions become very difficult and it keeps me from going to work. In general I am against overriding one's emotional state like that, which is why I hope to get more into meditation and work through it that way, but I need to have some support if everything fails as it sometimes seems to do. Wish me luck guys, hopefully this time I finally make some serious progress...

 

Good luck on the start of your journey. Keep us posted.

 

Good job! And cold turkey works the best. Avoiding emotions doesn't work, but if all else fails, the tincture helps to let you experience a life without those emotions.

 

Day 35

No urges yesterday. Spent time being busy all day and met my GF in the evening. We kissed, we became intimate, but I was able to constrain myself. Last time when we became intimate and had sex, the door to PMO opened. I want to be very careful to what I allow to happen.

Work out:
Went for my evening walk, did a brief dumbbell workout and a 10 push ups.

Netflix:
I didn't watch Netflix yesterday! I guess I was all focussed on living my life. Netflix usually open the door to other things. That's why try to watch max. 1 hour of Netflix every day

Meditation:
I did a 15 minute meditation in which I did self enquiry and later a breathing meditation. I asked myself all kind of questions and tried to go deep. The breathing meditation was very relaxing.

Your Brain On Porn / Study:
Didn't read YBOP, but read some stories on here. I am inspired about you guys. Very motivated after reading the stories of our (new) members and that makes it so clear again why I do it.

Sleep + evening routine:
Started my evening routine a late, but took my time.

 

THE VANQUI JOURNAL
Day 23 (11/05/23)
THE STREAK CONTINUES!

PMO - No urges today. Slept better than last night and I think this is helping a lot with self-control. Consistent sleep pattern with a clear mind is the key at the moment.

GENERAL - 2 hours of chemistry, 2 hours of practical science project & 2 hours of maths. Going to work now till late and that'll be the day summed up. Finally finishing collecting data for my practical science project tomorrow. Nearly done with my course. Final push to get it done. Never needed more motivation than now. Life is testing me to see if I can juggle everything at once, time to prove myself 100%.

 

Day 36

Minimal urges yesterday. When I woke up, there were a few weak urges, but they were so small that they didn't even form.

Work out:
Did a 10 minute run, went for a long evening walk, did a brief dumbbell workout and a 10 push ups.

Netflix:
While working I've watched an hour of Netflix.

Meditation:
I did two 15 minute meditations. The first session was an awareness meditation in which I tried to focus on the things I heard: the cars on the road, the train passing by, the neighbors squabbling, etc. a breathing meditation. The second session was a breathing meditation in which I tried to relax fully. Great to do before bed.

Your Brain On Porn / Study:
Studied again how all of us deal with our addiction. I found a very elaborate thread where a fapstronaut gives concise tips on doing NoFap and how to approach certain things like urges that overcome you. I'll post the link if I find it.

Sleep + evening routine:
Had an activity in the evening, but had a very long evening routine. Walking and meditating took me more than an hour. I was completely relaxed when closing my eyes.

 

THE VANQUI JOURNAL
Day 24 (12/05/23)
THE STREAK CONTINUES!

PMO - Minimal urges. Although, when I was on Spotify earlier today, I was looking through one of my favourite artists and her album covers are quite sexualised and I had a moment of urge but it died down very fast and it felt unusual but I was internally relieved. I realise how far I've come on this journey and how some moments have been really challenging and this would've been the perfect moment to fail but I didn't and the streak continues. I'm really glad I signed up to the nofap community, staying accountable on here has been a huge part of my success and reading about other people's experiences has helped develop a different perspective I didn't have before. As I write this on day 24 I can confidently say that the benefits of nofap & especially no P are worth it.

INTERNAL THOUGHTS - Last night, I had a dream that I was working at my ex's house as a waiter and there was a dinner being served. But she was not home. Although, I'd say 2-5 mins before I woke up, I saw her walk-in the house and I stopped serving and tried to speak to her but she ignored me. She couldn't see me. As I woke up, I realised that the house I envisioned was more like an Abbey and nothing like their actual house. It took me a moment to get up because I was still deep in the thought process of the dream but I also realised that I was in a slight hurry to get to the opticians. I can't explain into words how I really feel about this, but I seem to have some sort of internal frustration for her. I use this frustration in the gym to lift weights. I use the gym as a coping mechanism and I 100% know it. Her breaking off the relationship still hurts in my heart and that's the truth. I find it hard to not care when I genuinely loved her. I seem to struggle to move on from her. But let me make this very clear, I think this has to do with my environment more than anything. I live with my parents and she used to come round a lot so I think being at home makes it hard to actually move on whereas she went to university and was able to distract herself more easily. My grades slipped, my emotional state dropped, I became lazy, demotivated, frustrated... But now in May 2023, I blocked her on socials + phone no. one month ago and it was definitely for the best. It took me 3 weeks to get back up to academic speed because I was emotionally drained, upset, frustrated, angry from just ONE interaction with her on the phone at the START of my holiday with my family that's how much this situation affects me. Anyway, the past is the past and I still thank her for all the good times we had but when September 2023 comes around, I'm moving to a new country, to a new city and a new language.

*Btw, I write all of this to get this off my chest. If anyone actually reads all of it just know that I'm the happiest I've been all year in terms of mental health, physique, spiritually and emotionally. And more one thing, seeing the days go up on nofap always gives me a little smile because I see @Tan Korrey approaching the BIG 5 0 so I'm excited for that day and @JoeBimbo is closing in on day 40 so I'm really excited for those two. Also @walkingtree for opening up on here and actively making changes to his life to try and improve the situation.

GENERAL - Went to the opticians first thing to have a check-up. Next, went to the science lab for 3 hours to finish conducting my practical science project (Going to send my practical data to my teacher to see if I am finished with the practical side. If so, I'll only need to write everything up). Afterwards, as I was cycling home I saw a dog chasing cattle around a field. Literally 2 mins afterwards the tables turned and a herd of 20-25 cattle chased the dog. Absolutely incredible. Never seen anything like it. I stopped in front of a man who I think was partially deaf because he kept shouting at me while I was stood a metre from him whilst watching the cat & mouse chase and he was giving me advice on how to walk past cows without them going after you. Apparently, just T-pose (arms out to the sides as if you were doing a dumbbell fly and you've reached full extension) make yourself look big and walk confidently past them. Random human interactions always seem to be great fun. I suppose taking prejudice out of the equation keeps the conversation spontaneous so perhaps that's why (idk tbh). After this, I went for a 40min run, 5ish miles, nothing heavy, just a light jog to get back into running and to do some actual exercise for the day! Now, once I finish this, go through the chemistry revision paper then go to work until late.

*My sleeping pattern has got much better.. consistently going to bed between (23:00 - 00:15) I want to narrow it down but it can be quite hard at the moment with work n all. So, as long as I get the necessary hours it's not too bad. I now have a routine where I have to read before sleeping so my brain knows when to actual fall asleep. It's working quite well at the moment.

 

Day 37

No urges yesterday! Noticed two great achievements: the names of adult sites don't trigger me anymore and walking on the street also doesn't trigger me anymore. Used to look at the bodies of ladies, especially when it's nice weather. But I came to see that these thoughts are really really weird and PMO based. Like they are only a piece of meat. Instead I walked on the street and minded my own business. I reminded myself how I want to reserve this kind of lust for only my GF.

Furthermore gave an important job presentation to a potential customer and I have passed! I'm allowed to send them a quotation for the work I'm about to do for them.

Work out:
Went for a long evening walk, did a brief dumbbell workout and a 10 push ups.

Netflix:
While working I've watched an hour of Netflix.

Meditation:
I did a 15 minute breathing meditation. Can't recall parts of it, so I think I fell asleep. However, it was very relaxing.

Your Brain On Porn / Study:
I found the link to the thread I was speaking about yesterday:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/in-case-you-didnt-know.84619/
If you're ever in need of more tools and ways to go about your addiction, read that thread!

Sleep + evening routine:
Started my routine late, but was able to relax. Didn't Netflix in the evening, however I was able to let the day settle in myself

 

Day 38

No urges! Also not this morning. Met with my GF and we were intimate. Usually this would create something, but I notice that I can keep the door shut.

Work out:
Went for a long walk with my girlfriend, did a brief dumbbell workout and 10 push ups.

Netflix:
No Netflix yesterday! Woop woop. Always tend to waste my time on there.

Meditation:
I did a 15 minute breathing meditation. It was relaxing. I pictured letting the tension walk out of my body.

Your Brain On Porn / Study:
Didn't study yesterday. Ik pick it up again today.

Sleep + evening routine:
Started my routine a bit late. However, I could let the day settle in me. I could moreover go directly to sleep after my GF had left.

 

Day 50
Urges are strong but I am stronger.

 

The big five-oh! You are the King

 

I'm in, This is my Day 0.

 

Day 39

No urges! Felt yesterday that intimacy with my GF was even better than before. Even more intense. We couldn't stop touching each other. Nevertheless, spent the day with family as it was mothersday.

Work out:
Went for a long, but also started an elaborate dumbbell workout that I want to do 3 times a week. I finished it off with 20 push ups. My muscles are actually a bit sore.

Netflix:
Came home in the early evening from my family and watched an hour of Netflix. When browsing for series, I noticed that certain shows use sexual triggers to get you. Deleted all of those from my list.

Meditation:
I did a 15 minute breathing excercise and I was actually dying to do that meditation. It was very busy meeting with family, so the meditation was very welcome.

Your Brain On Porn / Study:
I read about PMO and androgen receptors. Did you know that PMO actually make you less of a man? The hormones from the O inhibit your androgen receptors and makes it more difficult to take in testosterone? It makes sense, because I feel so much more lustfull when I'm with my GF now I'm on this reboot.

Sleep + evening routine:
Started my routine a bit late and feel tired. Really need to go to bed on time from now on.

 

THE VANQUI JOURNAL
Day 27 (15/05/23)
THE STREAK CONTINUES!

PMO - Urges were strong after going out partying on Saturday night. Need to keep focused.

GENERAL - Missed a few days because I've been busy but we continue. Barely slept on Sunday (slept like 3 hours).