Hello everybody. Today I'd like to bring in hope and tell you about my story. I have been to hell, so that you don't have to. This story is about someone who has MO for 36 (thirthysix) years, PMO for 30 (thirty!) and VN for 1. Someone whose death grip caused physical damage. Someone who got so far, so terminal, that even PMO, VN and death grip would not be enough to even cause a tiny smidge of libido any more, much less of erection. PART 1: beginning Disclaimer I am not a doctor (duh!). I started from perfect health, never had an issue with testosterone, blood, heart or anything. Therefore, those who have any of that, shall live a different experience than me and shall take longer to heal. I tell you in advance, so you won't post an annoyed reply stating that your 6582 days monk mode NoFap is not helping you as it did to me. Disclaimer 2 Throughout this story I will mention various kinds of P kinds, "grades", products and technologies. DO NOT TRY THEM! They caused me some harsh mental and physical damage. I take no responsibility if you are so DUMB to go try them out! Suggestion PIED and any ED usually have two components: psychological and physical. Doctors usually are totally clueless about the former but can really help on the latter. So, even if you feel ashamed, go to your doctor and talk about your ED. He'll prescribe you exams and they might find out hidden health issues that would greatly lenghten your recovery, if not found. My story begins here It all started with wet dreams. I was 12. Family are strict religious people who would never tell me anything about sexuality. I was just a child and started getting those epic wet dreams, morning woods and so on. I didn't understand what the hell was going on with me. Talking with family was out of question, just hinting about sex was like summoning the devil himself. I just kept getting these things. I discovered how somehow I couldn't take my eyes off certain "obscene" picture: girls in lingerie posing on my mother's shopping catalog, well endowed actresses on the front of my mom's magazines and so on. They immediately made me super-rock-hard. And... the next morning... a wet disaster! One hot summer day, by random chance, I went up to the attic and, behind lots of stuff, I randomly found a "Sex Encyclopedia". Wow! How did THAT end up in my attic? Of course, it was ancient and with almost no pictures. I read it anyway, up to a paragraph that described my "symptoms". It described puberty as the age of involuntary erections, wet dreams and how boys would be naturally pushed into masturbation to relase and reduce the "symptoms". Being an ancient encyclopedia it was super puritan. Its description ended with a menacing verdict: "don't let boys masturbate, or they'll become addicted to it and will become vile and loser masturbators for life". Boy, how that piece of prude stuff was right! With no little embarassment, I asked some of my closest friends what masturbation actually was. Because, of course, the Sex Encyclopedia did not disclose such obscenities. Some looked at me like I was very, very dumb, but in the end I cobbled an actionable masturbation procedure together. I locked myself in my room, I prepared truckloads of cotton, toilet paper, tatters and what else, to experiment on this potentially home floor breaking attempt! After a looong while, I finally found out where and how to rub (!!). Boy, my "first time" was more painful than pleausure! I felt "stabs" in what one day I'd know it was my prostate & stuff and after some minutes I came. I had no idea about what it was like, so I basically sprayed all my bed, around my bed, bedside table and more! When I regained full conscience, I cleaned up everything and had to find and use my mom's detergent because it smelled! Imagine if my parents discovered my crime!