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Struggling-Otter

Fapstronaut
Today I decided to stop masturbating and watching porn after more than 10 years of daily use.
I have developed a really unhealthy addiction to porn, I ended up with some really twisted tastes, and I want to stop. It's also affecting my relationship with my gf. Masturbating is something I've done pretty much daily since I did it for the first time, and I didn't see anything wrong with it. I've spent years doing it multiple times a day. I've always felt like shit after doing it, since I rarely get real pleasure out of it nowadays. It's just an habit now, a fixation. But the straw that broke the camel's back, is that my gf found out about my strange tastes in porn. It drove home the fact that I do feel really ashamed of myself, and it's turning me into a man I don't want to become.

I'll quit porn for good, and I'll stop masturbating for 90 days. When I get there, I want to keep rebooting indefinitely. I've spent half my life fapping daily and I've been exposed to the internet since a very young age. I really hope I can stop.
 
my gf found out about my strange tastes in porn. It drove home the fact that I do feel really ashamed of myself, and it's turning me into a man I don't want to become.
Welcome to the community. :)

Eww, that must have been awkward. Not just the porn, but the fact that you had hidden it from her. So, is she supportive in your recovery plans? Also, why "Struggling-Otter"?
 
Welcome to the community. :)

Eww, that must have been awkward. Not just the porn, but the fact that you had hidden it from her. So, is she supportive in your recovery plans? Also, why "Struggling-Otter"?
It's not easy for her and I don't blame her. I feel really ashamed of myself... I know it's disgusting and I feel really low. She's being supportive, but if she feels it's too much, I understand she doesn't have to stick around. I do want to stop this porn and masturbation addiction no matter what though.

I just like otters and I'm struggling right now so I just made my account with that in mind.
 
That is the all-important ingredient in recovery from all addictions. You have to really want to stop.
This is the first time I'm facing reality in months. I've also been really dissociated and stopped caring about myself and everything for months before all this. I realize now and I want to talk about it, I have a problem and I want to change things. I am afraid I'm too far gone, idk if I deserve forgiveness or redemption. But I know no matter what, I can always be better.
 
I realize now and I want to talk about it, I have a problem and I want to change things.
This will be a healthy part of your recovery. Go to Reboot Logs and create a thread in the appropriate age group. You can discuss your struggles, your history, your guilt, your need for redemption. I believe you deserve it whatever you've seen and whatever you have done. You are anonymous, so get it off your chest buddy. You will not be judged by your peers. :) Not the ones here anyway.
 
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