Hello guys. I am new here, and I have a some doubdts. Could anyone shed a light?

Hello everyone. Sorry for the wall of text.

My name is Zack (not my real one). I am new to this forum, altho not new to Nofap. I've been following it for 3 years or so. On and off. The first time I heard about it, it made a lot of sense. I saw it on the Great Porn Experiment on youtube and decided to follow.
Truth is, I couldn't last more than a week.

I felt the benefits, but I kept failing.

I have chronic depression, Pure O OCD, Insomnia, and a huge lack of energy. When I am in NoFap, those symptoms basically vanish. I take meds (Fluoxetine and Clonazepam), and I've tried to quit them many times, but the side effects where too strong. I feel that if I go with nofap, after a few weeks, I could have enough strenght to leave the meds.

At the end of 2017, I committed to doing NoFap for real. I managed to get to 75 days without PMO. The problem was, during Christmas, for some reason, I began to have a series of panic attacks and my anxiety skyrocketed. I couldn't sleep, at all. I spent 72 hours awake. My body was very tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open, but at the same time, I couldn't fall sleep.

And then I fell once again. I went to masturbate, as it was an escape for me. I thought that doing it just once wouldn't be a problem. Guess that is how everyone falls. Since then, I've been battling with it once again.

Right now I've entered Reboot mode once again, and I am going for Cold Turkey once more. No PMO. Been 3 days, and I already feel the difference. Last few days I was extremelly depressed, had zero motivation, and was suicidal, now I feel like I am coming back to life once again. I feel a huge surge of energy, the desire to work out, draw, play the guitar, go out of my house, etc (in the last few days I did not even get out of my room).

I have a few additions to make tho:

I am a NSFW artist. That makes things even harder. I have all these customers that commission me for NSFW artworks, and I really want to stop doing these kinds of artworks. The problem is that it is much easier to find customers in the NSFW industry than in the "normal" art industry. That's why I got into this industry after all. Porn sells, easily.
But as most of you might have already felt, once you start NoFap, you begin to feel like porn is "dirty" and disgusting. I feel this way. I see all the harm and prejudice it has caused me, and I feel disgusted, almost sick to the stomach when I think of it. Like someone who was addicted to drugs or cigarettes and decides to quit. Sometimes they get stomach sick just thinking of the drug or the cigarettes.
The problem is, that is my only source of income so far. So that makes it even harder to drop. I still have some commissions to make, but I think I'll just stop and focus on my "normal" profile and career. What do you guys suggest?

The other point I'd like to make is about how Nofap truly works. I have always been kind of skeptic about most things. I used to be a Christian, not anymore. Just agnostic. So I don't like having a "blind" faith.

Researching, I've found some conclusions. Most of these you guys might already know, but some could be new. And I would really like to discuss them with you guys:

1 - Masturbation is like drugs. We know this already. During the act and during the orgasm, it releases a lot of endorphins, dopamine or serotonin in your brain, the hormones of pleasures. It is similar to using cocaine. The problem is, after a Peak, follows the depression. That is where the problem lies. And after doing it constantly for 20/30 years or more, you need more and more dopamine, since your brain becomes desensitized to it. Exactly how drugs work. And not to mention you fall deeper into the rabbit hole. You need more exotic and wild stimulus (porn) to satisfy your needs, as "regular" porn just gives you no pleasure anymore. Hence why some people go to zoophilia, pedophilia, extreme BDSM, homosexual porn (if you are not homosexual), etc.

2 - Masturbation is not THAT common in the animal kingdom. This is an argument used by most people against NoFap. Even animals masturbate. Altho, that is not entirely true. Maybe apes are able to, but the vast majority of animals, even mammals, cannot masturbate. Bears? Whales? Wolves? Rabbits? Pigs? I'm not even counting fishes, birds, reptiles or amphibians. Of course, we can see a bear rubbing himself against a tree now and then, but it's quite rare. And that is why you can find some dogs trusting against a doll or a pillow or against your leg like crazy. They are full of sexual energy and just cannot release it, hence why they just want to "fuck" anything. Hell, I even saw a dolphin fucking a dead fish once. It was horrible.

3 - "What about sex? People, who are married and have sex do not suffer from the symptoms of PMO?"
This question plagued me for a while. I still do not have the answers yet, but what I have researched indicates that when you are actually having sex, a lot of different areas in your brain are stimulated, as opposed to when you are masturbating. This could explain why the experience is completely different. I have found out tho, that even sex if done A LOT, like if you go out with your girlfriend/boyfriend to spend the weekend together and have sex 5 times a day, for 3 days, can cause the same symptoms that PMO causes. Depression, fatigue, sadness, etc.

4 - In spiritual cultures and theories (hermetism, occultism, alchemy, etc), the Creative energy is the most powerful energy there is. Our base chakra is responsible for that, which is located exactly in our sex (regardless if you are male or female). It is the chakra from which the Kundalini rises, enveloping all other chakras and leading you to the Awakening state, Nirvana, etc. So, when you masturbate, you simply deplete this energy, you throw it away. Sex is sacred in most occultism branches, that is why there are quite a few sex magics and such. This could, or could not, also explain a bit of Nofap. When you masturbate a lot, you get drained, and your base chakra gets depleted, creating a complete imbalance in your body. Some entities, to be summoned, require you to orgasm, or some magic rituals to work. The orgasm is a very powerful act both in the physical and spiritual world.

5 - There is this thing called post-coital tristesse (or post-coital dysphoria), that some people have, that they feel extremely sad and depressed and depleted after having sex or masturbating. This could be related to why some people feel bad after fapping, and some don't.

You can research more about it on Google since I cannot post links here (it's my first post).

So, once again, sorry for the wall of text, but if possible, could you guys give your opinions and feedback to this?

Best regards!

 

Hello, thank you very much, friend

I love writing, and my dream is to create my own comic/novel. Curiously, you have pushed me to pursue my dream in life without even knowing Thanks a lot for the inspiration and the words of encouragement!