HELP: How do I explain to my gf?

agent 004 · Jun 25, 2018

Hello everyone, I'm doing this thread in desperate need for advice and help. I am currently dating a beautiful and wonderful young lady. We celebrated our 1 year anniversary not too long ago, and we've become really close to one another and very much connected spiritually, and emotionally. I have always been hesitant about telling her the truth regarding my life with PMO because I am honestly scared of either losing her completely (i can't stress how horrible it would be) or having our relationship changed permanently for the worst. I was planning to tell her once I was months in to my streak so it would seem like the days of PMO were long gone, but I relapsed two days ago or so. I've felt this guilt in my heart and this need to tell her the truth since I hate hiding secrets like this, but I just don't know what to say or do. We are both believers, so any Christian input would be helpful. My question is, what do I do or say? How do I confess in a way that is honest and as least hurtful as possible? I need all the help and advice I can get.

Deleted Account · Jun 25, 2018

Maybe it's time for you to be honest to her. Like you said, hiding your addiction is giving you guilt and the longer you hide this from her, the more betrayed she will feel. You have to take a chance and be honest to her. Being honest will either cause your relationship to break or growing stronger than ever before.

Put yourself in her shoes for a minute; How would you feel if she'd tell you after 1 year that she's been for example sexting with her ex-boyfriend all this time? You would be pretty angry I believe. Now, turn the table around. Although watching porn isn't technically "cheating", it's effectively just that. You've been seeing other girls behind her back while being with her.
But like I said, this could break or make your relationship. You can't know how it's gonna turn out but you gotta give her a chance to show how much she want's to support you in your battle.

Have trust in her; Honesty is the way to go.

- Mike

Queen_Of_Hearts_13 · Jun 25, 2018

agent 004 said: ↑

I have always been hesitant about telling her the truth regarding my life with PMO because I am honestly scared of either losing her completely (i can't stress how horrible it would be) or having our relationship changed permanently for the worst.
Click to expand...

Hey I am an SO and my husband had the same fear, it's why he didn't tell me and it's why I can't trust him. Had he come to me and told me about his struggles, I would have been hurt and devastated but I would have respected him for having the courage to tell me and ask for help. It would actually make me feel honored that he would trust me that much and even with the pain I think it would have brought us closer emotionally because he trusted me.

So please do tell her, avoid the mistake my husband made which was lying and gaslighting me for the entire first year of our relationship.

One way to disclose is through a letter (if you want to PM me, I can send you a sample letter). I think a letter is a great way because you get everything down, and in the moment if you get overwhelmed and forget something, you look down and it's all there.

I wish you luck in your journey!

STAR DUST · Jul 3, 2018

Yeah you just tell her that you are struggling and maybe watch the ted talk by Gary Wilson ybop and then open up tell her you trust her and you love her and wAnt to let her know and remove it from your life because if not you can loose everything

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HELP: How do I explain to my gf?

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