Hi Im Alex

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by insomniyac, Dec 29, 2018.

  1. insomniyac

    insomniyac Fapstronaut

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    First time trying NoFap out, I’ve heard many good things about it, and decided to finally give it ago.

    I have always watched porn since I was thirteen, and during boarding school I started a porn collection on my harddrive. Porn was quite hard to come by back in school then (by then I mean 2014, when unlimited internet wasn’t a thing in my country) we only had 1gbs of data allowance per person a month, and all porn sites were banned, so you can imagine. I started downloading porn videos whenever I could and thus a collection began, to a point where I started enjoying collecting the videos. I didn’t necessarily watched alot of porn, but I sure as hell downloaded quite a bit. The collection got so big as to a total of 3 terrabytes or something, by now I’ve deleted more than half of them. Even now while I’m writing this I want to delete all of them, but I still can’t bring myself to do it (there are a lot of ones which I like, and rare files and so on...) One day I wish I can have the courage to delete all of it in one go. That might be the biggest milestone for me...but as of right now, I can’t. This collection habit used to get so bad that I would find a pornstar that I like and download all of her files, and barely ever watched them, but just loved the idea of collecting her entire discography in my harddrive. If there are scenes of her which cannot be found, I am willing to pay to get them, and have done so. I’ve sorted them into categories by their names...race...fetish...you name it. The collection was a big part of my life, and I used to take pride in it. It is the pleasure of owning and having access to high quality videos which makes it fun.

    I’ve always watched porn during masturbation, and this has affected me mentally somewhat. Just during the recent years I noticed how I look at woman, even in public, I immediately start looking at their bodies and picturing them naked, not checking them out per se but its a habit very much like you going online and looking and judging at a girl’s appearance to see if you would click the link. I know this is very unhealthy and objectifying and I try to curb it whenever I can, but as I said its a habit, and its hard to stop. I can orgasm without porn, but it just takes alot more time. I feel like watching porn has screwed over my reward system. Whenever I do something productive I immediately feel the urge to watch porn as if to reward myself...you know how some people want a sweet or candy to treat themselves? Well its exactly like that for me but with porn. There are other problems: I have trouble finding a woman’s value if she isn’t attractive...sometimes I wish that my gf was hotter/better looking...I get jealous of guys/celebrities with hot women around them...I constantly wish that I was sleeping with loads of women....just many desires which I know I shouldn’t have. I’ve tried quitting porn before, but I’ve never been serious about, and thn started watching again. I don’t consider myself a serious masturbator, I do it once every 2 days, never more than once a day. Ive always had depression, anxiety, concentration, procrastination issues which may or may not be because of my porn addiction, but I know porn definitely is a factor.

    Been with my gf for nearly a year now...we were together for 4-5 months before she had to go overseas. We’ve had a very good relationship with sex and when we’re together I never watched porn, which made me feel quite good about myself. I’ve only encountered some slight problems due to porn with her, for instance, I might need more time to get hard, or sometimes I feel like I might cum too early. Some problems but nothing out of the ordinary you know? Now that shes gone, the problem with porn has come back. We have discussed the issue of me watching porn while in a relationship, and since its a long distance one now, she said she has no problems with me watching. I still feel very guilty tho...I know I shouldn’t be doing it, but often I justify it by thinking oh Im just getting rid of my turn-on quickly and getting back to work/study etc. But the mental problems porn gives still persists, and for the past few weeks, has been especially bad. She’s very loyal to me but due to my anxiety and insecurities I still worry sometimes. I try not to let my own problems affect my relationship, and so far I’m doing quite well.

    In fact, it is the physical problems of masturbation which relaly pushed me to make a real change. When i was 15 I had my first uti (i’m male) by masturbation. I used to work after school adn when I come back I home i might touch myself sometimes without washing my hands too well, and therefore the bacteria infection happened. I was very anxious and depressed at that time so that might have something to do with it. Anyway, I’ve had utis on and off for years now, and recently its gone away. But now I have symptoms much like an overreactive bladder, having the urge to go and pee all the time at night. This really fucked me up. I can’t sleep for hours, and that urge is horrible, if you haven’t had it before, I’ll tell you, it makes you want to die. You go and pee but it’s still there like nothing can fix it. I have no problems at all during the day, its just at night when you want your rest. Its sooo fucking annoying. My dick is always sore oor burning at random times, even when I don’t have an uti. I think it might be from my anxiety and masturbation. Anyway, I’m willing to give this NoFap a go to see if it helps with any of my pains.

    Here’s me wanting to a complete a 90-day trial, and see if anything improves. I know NoFap is definitely beneficial, but I’m not sure if I can make it. I have never not masturbated for such a long streak before. Wish me luck guys. I’ll keep you guys updated. Thanks for reading!!!!
     
    CH3RRY and nerd_lean like this.
  2. Big step. I have been on the journey now for 118 days and it is worth it. The biggest issue for you will be getting rid of your porn stash. It has to go. Porn will destroy you!!! We are here to help you and cheer you on. We are all on this journey on different levels. PM me with questions.
     
    insomniyac and Catullus like this.
  3. insomniyac

    insomniyac Fapstronaut

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    I know I know...I think that will be the biggest challenge for me. Thanks for the support!!
     

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