Hi there!

A brieve introduction to myself:

I am a 24 year old student (still in university) with an enourmous depression that's been helding me back since second year of the career, probably even before, but that's when this exploded for me. I've been struggling lately about what to do in the future, specially because at this pace I wont be able to keep affording the registration prices, which doubles up everytime I fuck up.

I'd like to say I've tried it all but that wouldn't be correct. I tend to isolate myself in my room with my computer, playing videogames and watching series, and, in the meantime I get out with a couple of friends and get drunk and smoke some weed. Basically I've been trying to scape from this reality as much as I can. The cherry on the top of the cake was a rejection from one of my best friends and watching other guys do her dirty my entire life. I've had some casual moments with other girls in my drunk nights and I even had a couple of girlfriends, one of them for more than 2 years. Yet the first rejection still diminish my selfsteem to this day due to its nature, and because she is still my friend and I watch her still doing fucked up shit.
I've considered suicide more than once but I guess i'm too pussy for that to happen.

I've been fapping since early 8's (yeah you heard right), and watching porn since I got 13. I'm not the beast, but sexual performance is still not an issue, though I've been noticing some porn related manners that make me reach it faster and I would like to quit them too.

To what I've tried/I'm trying:
I joined gym a couple of moths ago, its been years since I last practised any sports. So far so good, nothing crazy, but a slight improvement in self steem with the results. Also tried to quit alcohol, but its my main way to socialize. Every single one of my friends drink. And probably I'm too socially awkward to make something work without it. So quiting alcohol is a no go for me, I might reduce it though. Also 100% quitting weed.

In general terms, I am a very disbelieved person, and I don't completely trust on this to work but honestly I am desperate. I need something to work ASAP. At the very least in a 3 month range.

My goal is to go full monk mode. I don't have girlfriend atm and i'm not planning on having anything similar in several years for practical reasons. Also, I won't be having any one nighters because of severe problems with sexual harrasment laws in Spain. (Basically, if she denunciates, you must proof her consent, otherwise you are going to jail. No more presumption of innocence for men in Spain. So whatch out you guys if you are planning to come around.)

Basically that's pretty much it, i'll edit if I remember something more worth saying.