How do you find a girlfriend if nobody likes you?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zxcv, Jun 21, 2020.

  1. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

    I'm almost 32 years old, and I've never had girlfriend. For some reason it seems like girls don't like me or show any sign or hint of having any interest in me. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Am I'm I just supposed to ask every girl I see on a date or something?
  2. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    It may sound overly negative but I think it's basically because the social fabric is breaking down. For those of us who don't do the date by profile thing where you list a bunch of crap in a laundry list with some pictures, and actually are interested in getting to know people, it's not going to be so easy and it was a slower way in the first place.

    For me I feel having some basic psychological understanding helps, I mean I can at least talk about feelings and peoples challenges in life to some extent. I don't think I can live with myself if it's on the basis of "you look good" - like even if someone hot thought I was attractive but I can't have a real conversation with her it would be off and weird, something would be missing. Like they wouldn't feel like a real person to me. Maybe that's a sign this stuff is working, I mean I can't even see going all the way if I had a real women in front of me if the personality isn't there and it's just kind of superficial.
    WesternWolf and Aaron4545 like this.
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    Do you show any sign or hint of being interested in them or are you waiting for them to go first before you do anything?

    The more bold and clear you demonstrate your interest towards them the more clear they will be in their level of interest in you. Being vague and creepy will give you vague results (playing games to see who can gain the most without taking any actual risk which just leads to nowhere).
    Ghost79, SynapticMagic and TrueSaiyan like this.
  4. Ekalb

    Ekalb Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Homie, it starts with how do you think about yourself. Fuck (don’t worry about) everybody else. If anything, I would be grateful. There are people in much worse situations. Like had a girlfriend and discovering it was a waste.

    Feel me?
    Donijuan and iLoveRain like this.
  5. pump20

    pump20 Fapstronaut

    Before you even think about getting a girlfriend, you might want to think about the bad news first meaning what are the risks. You might not know if she has an evil spirit hidden inside of her body. That's what succubus and jezebel spirits come in to play meaning that she is going to take the energy away from you. Physical beauty is no beauty. In fact finding a girlfriend shouldn't be on your list at all. It's better to be single forever and not deal with all the drama. I don't have a girlfriend and I ain't going to have one at all, so something you might want to think about. Peace.
    ithinkiforgotmyname likes this.
  6. I can see why this problems tend to appear more and more among men nowadays. You have to accept the idea that you are the one who should go after girls and ask her out, expecting the otherwise will keep you waiting until the day you die.
    Many men have the idea that the ONLY way to get girls is to get fit, yet I've seen many guys out there looking great and struggling a lot. It works in a way, it would be dumb to say no, but there is another way much more efficient and enjoyable.
    Try improving your social skills brother. There are plenty of books on the topic. "The art of seduction" by Robert Greene is great in this aspect, but I recommend you read some other before that. Besides that take care of basic hygiene and simple looks(arranged haircut, well shaved/good beard, decent clothing etc.)
  7. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    This. I want to add Corey wayne "how to be a 3% man". As a man that did ok with woman (4 girlfriends, and dated a lot of others) this was a life changer book, not only in the way I approach woman now, but also in the way that I approach life.
    FlowingSaiyan and NewGeorge like this.
  8. apropos

    apropos Fapstronaut

    I'm having a more deep relationship with Jesus while waiting for my future spouse.
    Cypher123 and Ekalb like this.
  9. dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

    I get some attention from girls. I'm decently fit which helps with initial attraction, but I think a lot of it is becoming a better human.

    For one, I'm learning to trust Jesus and see women not as sexual objects but as beautiful creations that He has made who are to be enjoyed and loved, just like we do our male friends. Not sexually but emotionally and spiritually.

    They're encouraging to us, they tend to be more loving toward us, they tend to be more emotional. I think sex is meant for one woman, and it's a gift that's been given to me to give to one other human. But as a single person I can use my sexuality to bring me closer to people and enjoy them while not using them.

    That's the problem, a lot of times it's tempting to take our idea of sex where we use people like we do in porn, and then just want that in a relationship. We just want to move our using people into real life. We can just go from porn addicts to sex addicts.

    You need to start asking yourself why no one likes you. Are you mean? Are you angry? Do you only talk about yourself? Do you only care about yourself? Are you a good conversationalist? Do you hang around girls who only want to use guys to help them feel loved? Does your value come from them liking you?

    Do you like yourself? If you don't like you, why would anyone else like you? What is getting in the way? Is it that you watch porn? Do you eat too much junk food? Are you generally unpleasant to be around? I think we have to both like ourselves, and want to change. For instance, I watch porn, and I could use that as an excuse for hating myself. I'm a stupid person. Why did I ever get myself addicted to this stuff? Why am I so horrible, and such a loser?

    Well that's just a terrible way to treat myself. For me, as a Christian, I say God loves me, Jesus literally gave Himself up for me so that he could take on my sins. He loves me, he values me. What am I doing beating myself up? I can now go live free and not think I'm a horrible person and I can just go work on changing without all this self-flagellation. I like myself. I don't need to use others to make myself feel like I have value.

    And I've found that's attractive to women. They want a guy who isn't a needy child. They want a guy they can love and respect. They want a guy who can take care of them. They want a guy who is doing things. He has a cool job, he's doing charity work, he's fun to be with, he loves them, he asks them questions, he makes them feel valued, he goes and does cool things on the weekend, he is a man of principle, etc.

    One question I have, how are you meeting girls?
    Emperorask and Blob95 like this.
  10. palindromo

    palindromo Fapstronaut

    Definitely no. I hate these types of virgin people

    Mybe you don't express to much value...
    do you like being the center of attention? to be group leader? to take decisions?
    Do you have strong self esteem , and you look cocky in the street?
    are you loved and valued by your friends?
    do you have financial and emotional security?
    Do you fell like a man or a kid? And do you act like a man?

    These are the factors, beyond appearance.
    Or at least the factors for a first impression, the rest is character and attitude.
    But without the first impression, nothing starts
    iLoveRain likes this.
  11. iLoveRain

    iLoveRain Fapstronaut

    Good thoughts !

    As for OP, work on your career/money/dreams. Wasting energy on trying to get women is not at all a good idea. Whenever you will be successful in those areas , women will start chasing you hehe.
    Nomar and palindromo like this.
  12. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

    Not every girl you see, but every girl you have interest in yes.
  13. angelpart

    angelpart Fapstronaut

    I'm in the same boat. I look average and I can chat with women just fine but they're just not attracted to me. I think it's just me, my personality that's not attractive. I know I'm not focused on any goal, I have the hardest time picturing my future, I do not know what I want and I'm pondering over the meaning of life daily. And this is just not attractive. I can't change myself though, so I don't know.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut


    I'm honestly in the same boat. I work and some times woman have no interest in talking to me what so ever but I realize its because were all busy and they don't know me that well. I know I have to begin talking to them or just saying hi or good morning but my approach is rusty right now. Woman take allot to get "noticed" so to say. Especially in other situations as just being out at dinner or at a Super Market.

    I'd recommend looking up on hints that they might be interested in you on youtube. There a pretty good amount of videos that will help you out with that. Also I know this sounds very cheesy... But just relax and be your self.
  15. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    How are you spending your time?
    Outside of this lockdown situation, are you putting yourself out there in the real world, - interacting and doing real-world things, or are you sitting at home on social media?
    Are you socialising?
    Do you have a circle of friends or acquaintances?
    Are you around other people, conversing and existing - or are you invisible?
    Washwaverr likes this.
  16. Donijuan

    Donijuan Fapstronaut

    Hi, there's something i want to tell you in your title first.

    "How do you find a girlfriend if nobody likes you?"

    Start by liking yourself, self compassion is a true guru. "how do i like my self if i hate myself?" start by reflecting what you like and your hobby, and taking care of yourself like get your hair done or taking a shower is an action for liking yourself. then after you loveyourself you start to treat everyone based on how you treat yourself.

    And if people still don't like you?, who cares the only one who caring is yourself you don't need acceptance from others. what i mean is not hating people but in time you will gain people that support you even when they are gone you are still taking care of yourself not because people around you.

    And then when you have goals and purpose with those self improvement, people start noticing you even girl. because you dont show any neediness to people, you do what you love and love what you do.

    See, it's not about chasing girl but when you want in a relationship both must work for it, you dont need to find a girl when you have purpose. girl find you, or both of you find itself way.

    You drop this king :emoji_trophy:, dont give up!
    Ogikubo and FlowingSaiyan like this.
  17. Washwaverr

    Washwaverr Fapstronaut

    When you said cheesy i thought you were talking about the youtube video bullshit. Cuz this is the cheesyest way there is. Just be yourself, find your own way. Fist interactions are weird and cringe but it gets better with practice.

    Im sure that a man who watched a thousand videos and talked to one girl will perform worse in front of a woman than a guy with just 2 interactions in his entire life :)
    FlowingSaiyan likes this.
  18. I gave up on getting a girlfriend and it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope I never want one ever again. My advice for you is: give up.
  19. Timecop

    Timecop Fapstronaut

    No joke,you need to tell me more about this power.
    FX-05 and FlowingSaiyan like this.
  20. zippy111

    zippy111 Fapstronaut

    Focus on being present in social atmospheres. Go to where the girls are and be there. Be present. Interact with your environment in a positive way. It will lead somewhere positive.

    I know this seems so general, but go interact with the people you want relationships with. Interact with them in a way that they want to be around you more.

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