So I’m just going to say it I’ve literally got a Findom addition and I know it’s starting to effect my life more now than ever before. I started about three years ago but it was just giving small amounts never above the £50 mark. When I first started I felt good because I was getting attention from women that were totally out of my league, but I made sure not to overspend on them. Now I keep giving more and more I’ve literally given in the past week over three hundred pounds via paypal and cashapp, money that I need to put towards paying a big bill off in March. Anyway how can I stop, the moment the findom I’m serving says send I send, like yesterday she said I want £70 reimbursed for my makeup now. I said I’ll see what I can do. So she said I want it sent now because I’ve asked you for it and I want it reimbursed. So naturally I transferred some money around sent for her. I’m constantly checking my phone to see if she’s uploaded anything onto her Twitter or if she’s sent or read my Snapchat messages, and I’m supposed to meet her for a session and give her £100 in cash. I really don’t know what to do anymore, my normal life sucks at the moment I have a family member that’s dying of terminal cancer, I’ve got no friends to talk to, I don’t go out much because of a disability and I’m spending all day on my own normally until 6pm when family get in. I’m drinking whiskey not too much to worry about but still. And I had to drop out of college because I’m waiting for a minor operation. I literally get up in the morning and spend the whole day on Twitter browsing the findom section. Anyone got any advice as I don’t fancy talking to a doctor about it too embarrassing.
Hi @Dave29, first of all welcome to this forum and great you joined. It's a first and the most important step to reach out for help and support, share and get out of the secrecy. I've been into findom for a long time, some 15 years, and still it haunts me at times. Unfortunately there is no magic trick to stop it, no quick fix, no shortcut. It's a damn powerful addiction as it is also about connection. Sex and connection. Two basic human needs. Attention as you said yourself. Connection, attention, sex. Of course I tell you to stop it now but you know that already. It is harmful. It is an illusion. It is all fake. They are no dom/mes really. It's their business to pretend, to act like one. So we pay. And we know we have to pay cause otherwise they won't give us attention. But in fact they don't really have their attention on us while they speak to us, they are of course in your wallet. You are a wallet. Now that can be a kink. Putting yourself down. They do not put you down, you do it yourself. I did it myself. No queen is a queen if she has not the people bowing. It is an addiction. What can help is coming here, sharing. Then read about addiction. What happens in the brain. The hormones, Dopamine etc. Then watch your thinking. How do you talk to yourself about yourself. Who's in there? What different voices you hear talking? Get conscious about internal processes. Stop the drinking, at least for a while. Do not constantly check if they messaged you. Start reading, go for a walk, meditate, do some breath work, gym ... get a routine of healthy habits. We can sit there and wait until it is over. This won't work. We need to fill the time with healthy habits, healthy thinking. These are a few first random thoughts that I can share with you. Most important is never give up quitting. Relapse is part of recovery. While we may relapse we may never give ourselves up and quit trying. Keep trying no matter what, until you succeed. And you will. Perseverance, persistence, tools, buddies, accountability partners, friends ... all that is part of the recovery journey. You either work on relapse (that's checking messages, looking for content etc.) or you work on recovery. You are not a victim, they are professionals and not dommes. It's a business. Sex sells as we know. It is a fetish providing industry. Instead of fighting the old use your energy and focus on building the new. May I ask what you have done so far to come out of the bubble and heal, recover?
Hey @Dave29 Findom is abuse. It is not a form of Domination/submission. Plain and simple, it is a way for a bully to abuse someone. There is no caring, many times it is a fraud (guys never get what was promised or they get some inferior picture of video). Seeing findom as abuse might help.
I'm sorry to hear about your disability and that your family member is suffering from terminal cancer. I pray that things change soon. You seem to be in a pretty rough spot. Honestly, if you have the money to pay women under findom, then maybe you can reconsider paying for a doctor or psychologist? Both situations cost money, but the latter may be more legally obligated to help you recover. A psychologist or doctor usually can not legally intimidate you or psychologically manipulate you for your money like a findom woman. If I paid for a psychologist, I would pay for a male psychologist who would probably understand or have previous personal experience with my male issues. Some doctors have been in our situtations. Addiction can affect anyone. Also, I think the NoFap website offers some paid group support services: https://nofap.com/groups/ If you are embarassed about seeing a doctor, maybe NoFap support groups might be a better start until you gain more confidence. Again, I think this is another optional investment of your money that is better than paying for findom.
