I am confused about my sexuality (maybe influenced by porn addiction?)

You should go with your instinct. I think.

 

You felt bad only by fingering yourself. Go ahead, cross your dresses with the other guy and enjoy the feeling after...

 

Is there a bar where people cross dress you could go to.May be go in comfortable clothes and speak to them. Have you got a close friend you could confide in to go with you as support. The finger in the arse is nothing,your young exploring what you like. I have alot of straight friends and there girlfriends do it to them with finger, sextoys.

 

I think, you didn't receive the best advices here. As same of you, I'm related with your story and introvert behavior. When I experienced finger in arse or cross dressing I felt really unhappy with myself and. Also I noticed that when I made cross dress by hearth starting to beating really quickly, same thing happen when I watch porn after long streak, like a panic attack. I've found some answer in this process. First our porn addiction escalated from straight or soft porn to really hardcore stuff. Second, cross dress is a representation of our lack of masculinity and confidence as men. Third, that I have really big complex with my c*ck size and my skinny body shape. Fourth, that all time of porn exposure had created big pathways in my brain, making difficult to keep long streaks of PMO. Five, that I used to have bad daily routines that induce me to watched porn every day. And Finally, our sexual confused had been created for porn exposure for long time, that mean hocd or worse things. My recommendations is not try to find answers inside of porn or inside of addicted behavior or fetishes, try to seek that answers when you're trying to be clean or doing healthy thing like sports, studying, meditation, social activities, religion, community service, etc. Then you will start to realize who are you? and what do you want for your life?.

 

I think your porn addiction is the reason you didn't find a girlfriend until you were 23, I think it's the reason for your subsequent poor sex life, and it's the reason why you're now thinking of dressing up in girls clothes and having sex with another guy. You're pretty far down the rabbit hole, friend. I too had things that happened in my childhood similar to what you talk about, but guess what. Everyone did.

Try quitting porn and masturbation for 90 days at the very least.
If you do this without cheating, and you still feel the same, congrats it's probably your sexuality.

But I am almost certain that you will struggle with great difficulty to not masturbate after the first few days at the most.
I didn't think I was an addict either, until I tried to quit multiple times.

Start reading the resources here, start a streak and start a journal.

If you've been doing this as long as you have, then porn (not just any porn, but hyper-stimulating fetish porn) plus edging will have really, really fucked your brain.

I'm curious by the way, did you lose all sensitivity in your penis after all that fapping?

Sorry for the tough love, but the fact it's taken you so long to consider that you MIGHT have a problem is concerning. But good job on coming here.

 

I agree with @Camelot87 , do a reboot so you will have a clearer mind to think and decide. I can relate to some of your experiences and feelings, I am married now with kids, but on my 17th day of no PMO, had 1 relapsed. I would still like to say I am confused on my sexually, but I can’t really say I guess until I can clear my mind of what porn has done to my brain. Although I don’t crossed dress, I have some strong HOCD.

 

Similar story here man.

I liked and still like girls. 12-13 yo I found that I am really attracted to girl's butt. My first faps were to girl's butts.

Crossdressed when 14 to see how my butt looks when wearing leggings. My butt was fat and leggings looked so good. I got so hard.
I don't like girly things, I just CD because I gethard. After fapping, shame, guilty, aksing myself what I was doing.
transgendered person porn was the best. Maybe because I imagined myself as a girl fucking other girl, idk.
Never had gf when a teenager. Also introverted as hell without many friends. I studied hard.
Every time I was alone and horny, I dressed my mother's leggings and then fap to transgendered person/transwoman. Shame.
17 yo. I never was attracted to boys, never bought toys, never fingered.
Unfortunately, I started to have gay toughts. I remember to fantasize about me and one of the girls that were my friends were being fucked my big men.
I mean, I never fantasized with a particular man, It was about hummiliation and taboo stuff.
Found sissies and sissy hypno porn when 23. Nothing new because I had already gay thoughts. But for the first time I wanted to buy toys, posting pics of myself on reddit and talk to other sissies. Thankfully never did it.

Can you see the escalation?
I tried to convince myself that I like to CD and I am bi. I mean what is the problem of being a bisexual that likes to CD. This could explain why I am an intorverted guy without many friends.
But if this is true, why do I still feel the shame, regret after fapping?
I also feel the shame/regret when I do things that are wrong. Like playing video games all day. Eating like a pig.
Maybe the shame is telling us that something is wrong and we have to stop it.
You are going to meet a CD. Remember that there is no going back.

I also have a homophobic father like you. This can influence somehow our fetishes.
I would tell you to try 90 days without porn. If you still have the thoughts, then maybe you are a bi guy that like to CD. What is the problem?

 

Yeah, let’s try and overcome this and compare notes at the end of day 30/60/90. I too, want to know what will come out of mine. I am scared though that I won’t like it. But at least I know it’s not my addiction that causes it. On the other hand would it be easy to blame the addiction instead(just thinking).

 

Honestly man you sound a lot like I did - having trouble accepting who I was and subsequently using porn to explore it. As someone who’s come to terms with being bisexual my advice to you is to go out there and explore it and try to get out of your head and enjoy it. IMO the problem with porn use is when it becomes an addiction and when it prevents healthy intimacy with others, but I also don’t think it means you need to give up your kink. My wife and I engage in pegging once and a while so I can dress up, fulfil my bisexual side and live that fantasy out - but the most important part is I’m doing that with her as opposed to just jacking off to videos of it and ignoring her. And even though it’s not something that she craves she does it because she knows I need it to feel fulfilled and wants to do that with me.

Take advantage of being single and figure out who you are. It’ll make it easier when you find someone to be with. And when you do - be honest up front about what you like and need. If they’re right for you they’ll accept it!

 

I'm single and age 29. I can understand your feelings because 7 years ago i had also came across those feelings. It's an evil act. Its an act even animal never do. Humans have thinking brain but we are degrading ourself than animals.
After 2 year in that filthy feelings, one day i had left the city and moved to other city due to my job. then slowly i was understanding that in which hell i was living in. God created me as a men. Men have huge responsibilities on their shoulder. A whole family(siblings, parents, wife, kids....) is depending on a man. common! God wants-- man has to marry women and women to man,and create a best-guided family. But going opposite to god rules and the nature, we are choosing destructive path(it's a devil path).There is a certain rules for sex. Using anus instead of vegina is disgusting as its contains bacterias, fungi....yuck. Anus purpose is to throw filth from our body. Mouth purpose is to eat. Vagina purpose is for sex and to give birth....etc. are the rules. but Porn destroying all these rules and creating variety of diseases. Its really horrible. Thanks to god now i hate those feelings.
Everyday I'm asking for the forgiveness to god.
Guys! Please stay aways from the filthy thoughts. Don't turn into gay or bisexual.Don't loose your original character. Don't let porn to Win.

 

I read your entire write-up, start to finish. Stay true to your sexual feelings. Even though you only see yourself with a girl, sexual is a big part of the relationship. If you try to adhere to social sexual norms and your not being fulfilled sexually, well then you need to be true to yourself. Talking to a therapist about your guilt and your fathers homophobic tendencies will help you come up with answers. And lastly, put yourself on a reboot. No Porn For You. Use that time to come into your own. By eliminating the porn influence you’ll find you what Sexuality truly means to YOU. Then follow that.
I’m going through something similar. I quite porn and even just 30 days in I can tell I’m not as gay as I thought. Maybe a little bisexual. That’s it. And hear I was so worried all these years that I was gay. I’m 30 years old and only just finding myself out. TonTon - good luck on your journey. Don’t follow your guilt, follow what feels right. (And give no-porn a try, start small).

 

It's ok. I can understand. I hope you believe on God soon. Yes, porn is biggest evil. But if we see all things from the God point of view, we can determine the good and evil things easily. It's like a trump card

 

Hi. There's a clear progression in the history you noted, so it's worth stopping all of it (PMO plus sex and even fantasies in your head) to see what you feel after having controlled your desires. Take a few months off and see how you feel later, and if then you realise that you really do like dressing up, being bi/gay/whatever, fine.